i’ve been seeing this girl for the last three weeks and she’s great. we get along really well, it’s nice to be around someone who i really click with on so many levels. i want to really get to know her, and i really want her to know me. i was just telling my friends and my therapist the other day about how excited i am about her, because usually i’m so obsessive about relationships that i can’t enjoy them. this girl is the first person in over a year and a half that i’ve felt normal around romantically, i can’t remember the last time i was this hopeful about a partner. the last two days have been really hard for some reason, i think i’m so worried that i’m gonna start panicking that i’ve started panicking. doesn’t that suck? like, you get so worried you’re going to be obsessive and then suddenly you’re obsessive about that fear. we went to trivia night tonight and i think that stressed me out a little bit because we do have different pop culture knowledge and anytime i’m presenting with a difference between me and a partner i get nervous we’re incompatible. i’m realizing how silly that is as i type it though, because whenever i have something in common with a partner i get paranoid it’s some kind of set up? like it’s too good to be true, and then i start to dissociate. so what then? i want to fall in love, it’s hard to remember in moments when im so panicked, but i really do want to fall in love. i think i absolutely have the capacity to fall in love with this girl, im just so terrified that im going to get it wrong. if anyone else is in a similar situation, i just want you to know i believe in you. having ocd doesn’t mean we’re not capable of falling in love, it just makes it a little harder to trust those feelings. i’m gonna keep trying, i hope you do too.