7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
myocdstory2myocdstory2
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! Those thoughts are normal... And as awful as it sounds, you'll never be able to distinguish the ocd thoughts from normal. I suffer from the same problem as you. (getting better) I deal with a lot of guilt, rumination and false memories. The "feeling" of love never disappears. It's the ocd hiding them from you. I know this may sound silly but if you don't think about them, you'll feel like you love your bf again. ❤️
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
I believe you when you say it… bc I know deep down I still love him. Even now I feel and hear lie in the back of my mind. But I know I want to stay with him. We haven’t had sex in a very long long time too… 😞 when he talks about sexual things it’s like I get disgusted by it… but when I am happy there are times where I get in the mood that I want to but too afraid to approach it… It also feels like 11 years with him never happened…. It hurts…
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
I just don’t like that I got so comfortable and use to feeling this way… it’s annoying….
myocdstory2myocdstory2
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 Hi! I understand how you feel. You should just be honest. If you want to be intimate again, just approach and say that you want to be physical and that you havent felt courageous to talk about it... What you feel is soooo normal... (hugs you) you are not alone...
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
I obsessed about him not loving me or me not loving him, lying to him or myself, wondering if I am attracted to him and so much more I obsessed about. Right now I feel convinced I don’t love him even though I felt it randomly
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
I am worried that since I focused on nothing but the negative side of him that I forgot his positive side…. My period is definitely coming. I broke down to him crying bc I am so stressed out. People have too much of a high expectation of me and that every relies on me too much like I have all the answers… it stresses me out and causes added stress on top of what I am going thru already… My partner just hugged me and told me everything will be okay. My partner due to his own trauma growing up has a semi negative view on the world. He knows he needs help but he feels talking to a therapist in a room one on one is better for him. He gets nervous abo it how people views him how everyone thinks he is a man child bc he doesn’t wanna drive bc he doesn’t feel he has a good mental state to do so. I told him I don’t mind that he doesn’t drive. He does do other things to make up for it. He does care about what others think about him and feels like when he does something wrong he gets looked down on badly. There’s a lot he went thru and he feels like he was a mistake to the world and his family wants nothing to do with him bc of some of the mistakes he’s made and a lot of the mistakes his mother has done. But then I ask… am I with him out of guilt and pity… always knew I love him. But then my friend said I don’t know my own worth. Do is that another reason I’m with him.., bc I don’t know my worth… 😞 which was never the case before my ROCD got this bad…
AudreeAudree
- Date posted
- 3y
You got this! We’re here for you. Keep allowing those uncomfortable and scary feelings. We have to become ok with the uncertainty. Here for you.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
I think my period is coming…..
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
I kept telling myself I didn’t love him just to get a reaction! Now I got so use to it it doesn’t work anymore!! I can’t take it anymore! 😢😭😭😭 I want to love him why can’t I just be close to him again like before! I don’t wanna replace him! I don’t care about his flaws I am tired of thinking bc about him only negatively!
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s like when I touch him I get theses strange sensations!! It’s like I am using him!!! 😭
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
I refuse to believe that theses feelings are me! I REFUSE it!!!
patricia12patricia12
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 Same here…. The worse is tht my gf had a dream that I was cheating on her and using her, and she told me and I almost died. Thinking that it was a sign if she’s dreaming about it, that maybe that’s what I’m going to do, that I’m a horrible person for leading her on. That was last Sunday. I forgot all about it, I thought about it because your post made me think of it… matter of the story is that you’re having a bad day and you will get through it, I promise you.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
@patricia12 I’m sorry for triggering you…. It’s just it doesn’t feel normal anymore… I don’t wanna have sex with him lately…. I’m scared that that’s a true sign that I fell out of love with him…. 😞 that I’m not in love with him anymore… hearing that makes me wanna cry mu eyes out…… I do still find him very attractive. I am just so stressed out that I can’t take much more…. He wants to know why I keep waking up at night and while he knows what I am going thru he wants to know what caused this to happen again…
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
@patricia12 I even told him not to worry bc it’s my problem that we have other things to worry about. (Moving) it just feels like we’re just friends…. While I know we’re not it just feels like this… I just want to love him like before 😭😭😭
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
I don’t wanna end my relationship at all. 😭 I can’t tell if it truly is ROCD anymore…
patricia12patricia12
- Date posted
- 3y
Tbh with you I’m obviously not a professional but to me it sounds like you’re not being intimate because of alll the stress. I have also gone through the same
Related posts
isabella123456
- Date posted
- 23w
Rocd
Im scared that if I start to think it too much, I will start to believe it, and it becomes my reality. I always have thoughts like, “Do I love him, what if I lose feelings, how longs is this going to last, when will these thoughts finally go away, is he the one for me, is this how love feels like or am I just convincing myself?” I start to search things up to make myself feel better but the longest that works for is a few hours and then that gut wrenching feeling comes back. I love him I’m sure of it, but then why do I feel like this? I know if I didn’t love someone I would let them go and would t even fight for it or try to get better, but for him I’m trying ever second of everyday and sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m too busy to talk to one. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, sometimes I just feel numb and I hate it, sometimes I feel like crying but can’t, and most the time I don’t feel jealous anymore and that scares me because I’m a jealous person. Then I get thoughts and reminders of my ex. Not in a way that I like them but the hatred and the trauma and pain they left me with. The mental, verbal and physical abuse. Sometimes my current relationship reminds me of him and why I shouldn’t be in one because I always fall into this deep hole that feels impossible to get out of. I just get so scared.
user36373738
- Date posted
- 19w
Has anyone felt
I’m really anxious because I know my ocd is really bad right now so I shouldn’t try to figure it out cause my thinking is a mess but I’ve been having feelings of like I’m not sure if I love him anymore or worrying that I haven’t felt a lot like numb (a lot because ocd has been getting worse and worse) and thinking of like how I’ve been focusing on the negatives and only been looking at him through that lens and analyzing and also feeling like I don’t want this anymore. Basically just like negative thinking in feeling like I’m really scared it’s that it’s I don’t love him cause I don’t want it to be over and the thought of having someone replace him makes me ill. But like it feels like I’m not seeing him how I used to and it makes me upset. Today I was near someone I was like oh this person is cute and then I was thinking that the possibility of meeting someone new sounds exciting and now I’m freaking out because this in combination with feeling like maybe I don’t love him anymore is bad. Also my thoughts keep changing. and like sometimes it feels like I don’t care at all and this has happened but like worst it’s ever been and then other times I’m like I do care I do still feel. I’m just really anxious has anyone else felt this before and it was still ocd? 😭😭
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 19w
panic. scared. it feels real
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
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