This is wat I’ve been trying to explain I have bout the bug spray on my carpet i would still feel this way if it was just a small amount and if it was something else besides bug spray my ocd has picked certain things that make me feel like they can cover entire places and be spread so if I touch my deodorant even deodorant at the store I have to wash my hands cause I feel if I don’t then it’ll spread if I scooted my deodorant across the floor I’ could literally see the line of contamination on the floor and it’s other things to I feel this way bout but obviously I handle these objects in small ways I’m not rubbing them everywere so when the guy sprayed he sprayed majority of the carpet and exposed me to alot all at once if he would’ve sprayed little areas like a couple times that would’ve been manageable I’ve been in a shocked state since Friday I’ve barely ate I’ve cried almost non stop my ears are ringing from not eating and getting lite headed over called everywere done everything to get out of here and get help and I’ve been denied doing exposures and responses are good in small amounts and you start low on your hiarchy this bug spray was like ripping a band aid off and being told watever ocd compulsion you need to do you can’t do them instead of starting off slow to learn you don’t need to do them it’s traumatizeing either way but less tramatizing the slower you go.

I do not feel bug spray is dirty in a dirt and germ way I don’t think there contaminated cause there a chemical I think there contaminated cause my ocd is makeing me think that and my ocd has a few things that make me feel this way and I don’t feel like I’m gonna get sick and get anyone else sick I just feel it and see it and see it spread everyday that something else touches it I’m in shock it feels like my head feels black wit a grey cloud in it it’s just empty no past no future just panick the best way I can describe it is if you got kidnapped and then locked in a room somewere that initial shock of the kidnapping process would be traumatizeing and it won’t go away cause your still in this guys place just scared you still can’t relax your just scared even if it had been a few days your still gonna be scared the only thing that’ll help is if someone rescued you and got you out of that place and back home once your home you no your safe you eat and lay down and relax but no matter the amount of time you were kidnapped and locked somewere it would never get easier your just there scared you can’t tell that person it’s been 4 days since the actual kidnapping the kidnapper just has you in a room get over the fact he kidnapped you it’s Been 4 days already cause that won’t help you’d need to be rescued and took home to feel safe to get away of wats scaring you nothing bad happened while you were kidnapped but that doesn’t matter you were scared just as much the first day as you were your last day.

The point is I’m the person that was kidnapped my kidnapper is the pest control and I had the initial panick of when it happened it’s been days since it happens but that doesn’t make it better I’m still here we’re it happened i mite as well still be locked in the kidnappers room just scared all day not even thought I’m just locked in a room I’m still scared that’s wat I feel sitting in my apartment I feel scared even though nothings happening I never got over the shock of the bug spray it’s been days but each day I’m just trapped and scared I can’t keep everything off the carpet I can’t keep the curtains from touching the carpet then watever the curtains touch will be contaminated this is a scary feeling and obviously need help and can’t get it I can’t suffer again I no I won’t make it threw it this time 15 years is long enough to of never received proper care I’m done.