- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
You’re definitely not a bad person for this, you were young and just were into a certain thing, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’ve grown out of it and are different now. I know reassurance doesn’t work, but you just need to know that you’re not a bad person, if it makes you feel any better, I genuinely believe my real event is worse then yours, and people and even my therapist have told me to move on, learn from it and that I’m not a bad person. Please just keep going, you’re not a bad person, sending a lot of good your way!
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much I’m so sorry I post so much about it but it’s been bothering me so much for so long. My mind keeps telling me that because it was a younger person and I did the thing (for the fetish nothing else) that it was too wrong to ever be forgiven and that I deserve to leave. It hurts too much. I can’t believe I was so stupid
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ I was incredibly dumb too when I was 18, but you’re learning, and like you said, it had nothing to do with the people. And it’s okay to post, I definitely understand how it feels to be spiraling and posting a lot, the sad part is when no one replies though, but you’re just seeking help, and that’s totally fine, I have done a lot I regret as well
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver It didn’t even cross my mind at the time. You’d think I would be like “Um that’s really bad you shouldn’t do that” but I was so blinded by the freaking fetish and doing the thing that it never even occurred to me. Maybe the reactions of the people, laughing, I don’t know. It was a tickling fetish. Whenever I would see pictures or whatever it never occurred to me about anything else but the feeling or whatever I don’t even know how to freaking explain it. The guilt is too much. I hate this. I want to crawl in a hole and cry all the time. I feel like I’m a horrible person and that something is terribly wrong with me to do that. Ugh I want someone to punch me in the face.
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver I know it makes me feel so alone when no one answers
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ Just have self compassion and acceptance, I know it’s really difficult, but sometimes we just need to remember we’re human and we make mistakes, we’re going to dumb things, and again, you didn’t do it for the people and didn’t even really realize that it was wrong, just know you were young and learning, you still are
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver Thank you I appreciate it. And same goes to you. Definitely take your advice. Here if you need to talk
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver I know this is probably reassurance seeking, but you don’t think it was equivalent to the really bad thing do you? Like c and then the p word. I hate to even say it but you don’t think it was like that do you?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ No, definitely not, take it from someone who actually accidentally ran into something similar to cp, it left me traumatized and I had to call the suicide prevention hotline to ask what I should do, it was truly the worst thing I’d ever seen, it’s definitely not close to that. If you saw cp, trust me, you would know, it’s truly the worst thing imaginable, I luckily didn’t see anything like nude wise, but it was still horrible, just don’t beat yourself about it, it’s not worth hating yourself over
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver It’s horrible to think that google would even show anything remotely close to it, I wasn’t looking for anything close to it, but it was horrifying, the hotline told me to go back and report it if I could or if it was too much for me to handle then just leave it
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver I’m so sorry you went through that. I pray that you will have a clear peace of mind soon. I appreciate your help. Thank you 🙂
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver I hate that it’s even out there or exists. I’m terrified if I ever come across it. I was just wondering to make sure because of it being someone younger and things were apart of it but like I said it was a normal video and memes it wasn’t anything like that. I would never in my life look that shit up on purpose
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver Sorry for my French lol I don’t like to cuss but you get my anger I’m sure
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver I can’t handle the thought of it even being equivalent to the horrible thing. I really hope that I can get passed this. It really hurts
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ It’s fine, I get terrified of that too, it’s the fear that fuels my OCD, like when I was on dating apps when I was 18 and sent a lot of “explicit” photos, I was so stupid, I almost mainly messaged people A LOT older then me, but sometimes I messaged people my age and I have had a constant fear that someone lied to me about their age and used me, my therapist, family and friends tell me it wouldn’t be my fault because it’s not like I was being a creep, everything was consensual and I always asked for age and a photo to verify it was them, but it was still incredibly, incredibly stupid of me. I regret it all, my friends and this OCD support group tell me it’s common to just exchange photos like that, but I still wouldn’t be able to forgive myself or keep on living if someone did lie, and false memory definitely doesn’t help, so you see, your real event is by far not as bad as mine, you really don’t deserve to live your life with so much self hatred, you deserve to be happy and continue seeking help for your OCD
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver I totally understand. People do send photos all the time but I believe you did the right thing. I know how it feels for it to be so hard to let something go and forgive yourself. But im hoping one day it will get easier and not hurt so much. I appreciate your help thank you and sorry for the late response. I didn’t realize that you sent another message.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ It’s totally okay, thank you for responding back, I hope you had a decent day, as much as your OCD would allow you
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver You too
- Date posted
- 3y
I also deal with this, as I have the same fetish. Sorry to hear you're struggling with it.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m really struggling because of it. Thank you and I’m sorry you are dealing with it too. It’s definitely not easy
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
18+ TW! Involves sexual content I have learning disabilities which means im always going to be 3-5 years mentally behind from my actual age… when I was 14 I remember finding people saying they work with kids “attractive” and I remember mastu*** over a kid around 5+ but when I was 14 I was either mentally age 11 or 9. So I didn’t know it was wrong, and as soon as I realised I stopped. People say I was young and it’s okay but I remember finding people saying they even walked past a nursery “attractive” but I don’t know if this is even the right word. Maybe cute? Because I find different emotions hard to tell the difference between, so maybe it’s cute rather than attractive. I never ever had intentions to do anything to younger individuals, it was just me finding people saying they worked with them etc attractive… which my ocd now plays on, because my friend mentioned they were working with kids but idk if it was the real me or not but I genuinely felt like I found it attractive and it was giving my so many groinal responses which then made me feel genuinely aroused like I wanted to do things. This plays on my mind because my ocd will always say “but you did/do find stuff like this attractive” but this literally stops me from eating, sleeping or anything. I can’t break from my compultions because what if I do genuinely find it attractive. I don’t think it’s even attractive maybe it’s cute? Like I find it cute… but cuteness can give people feelings down there I guess. I think because if my learning disabilities I found it hard to know the difference between “attraction” and cute so I did stuff over it because it gave me that feeling down there but that could of been cuteness feeling. I just need some support on this.
- Date posted
- 19w
What if you did something so extremely awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... the real events were so extremely horrible and awful... i g4g and v0mit even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious...
- Young adults with OCD
- Harm OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Religion & Spirituality OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Real Events OCD
- POCD
- Students with OCD
- Date posted
- 16w
*tmi warning* I'm so worried im a P. Ive been crying daily unable to do anything else but ruminate over my real events. When i was 14 (before ocd) i was watching adult content and it was censored. The woman had similar features like hair and skin color as my niece. I remember noticing that and saying "huh i guess I'll imagine that as the adult version of my niece" and I did and after i was finished i moved on and didnt think anything was wrong. I dont know if i ever thought about that again? Its so blurry ocd keeps saying i did it again in a different time but i dont remember its too blurry and its scaring me so badly! I didnt even remember this till like literally last week and i wanted to die! Im 20 for context. When I remembered i immediately broke down in tears. I vaguely rmemeber this other thought i had of her when self pleasuring when I was 16??? I think it was a testing thought out of distress? But im not sure at all! It was extremely vague image and unrealistic i dont think I liked it but maybe i did?! Im so distressed its like i remmeber 2 versions of this particular event which is why I think its ocd false memories from there. Ive been ruminating and spiraling for almost a week. I keep crying i havent ate well at all in days ive been honestly dehydrating myself and i cannot sleep. I feel like a monster. I did the mistake of researching last night and kept comparing myself to the "criteria" of those sickos and like I felt so distressed. I also have been asking ai for hours on end everyday. I feel so distressed im literally crying rn as i write this i cant calm down i feel like this sick individual even tho I dont even like thinking of that at all i dont think I meant ill intent when i was a teen but its killing me inside. I would NEVER harm anyone nor want to or plan to, deep down i know I would never act out in those evil ways but like whats killing me is what if im attracted?! Is this a sign?! Am i one of those people?! Am i attracted to my niece bc of those 2 maybe even 3(??)thoughts years ago?! Did i mean ill intent?! Am I an actual danger?! Am I a monster??? I have so many urges to confess to my mom im so scared what this all means or could mean. I feel so alone and scared. Like legit whenever i get intrusive thoughts about gross stuff i feel disgusted and anxious and push it away. Those thoughts do not bring me pleasure whatsoever but this real event is making me doubt my own identity 😔
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