Me and my partner have been together for almost 3 years now. We live together and own a pet together and haven’t encountered many major problems except for some bad arguing, but we’ve always gotten through it. I went out one night and danced (physical touch involved) and flirted with another man. I didn’t cheat but I crossed a line I felt sick with guilt and confessed everything. He took it really well and understood everything I was saying, though he was hurt and angry - he said he just needs some time, I guess to process it? He said we’ll be okay, our relationship will be fine and nothing is going to change and he still loves me, he’s just not exactly going to feel warm to me right now. This whole situation, however, led me on to confess on more examples of me being flirty with other men. One time I was out and a similar situation occurred, not as bad, I didn’t physically dance with him. I also had a flirty relationship with a work colleague - it was never anything bad and I also worked with his girlfriend but he once messaged me and he must’ve been being very flirty (again, I don’t think it was anything crossing lines) and I flirted back, but then I deleted the messages which was bad, but I told my boyfriend this too. I suffer with OCD, which makes me overthink, so now any situation or example of me being disrespectful that I remember, even if they’re not awful and he doesn’t need to know, or even if I can’t remember them fully, I feel this insatiable need to confess. If I don’t tell him straight away it eats me alive for hours and even if I can convince myself for an hour or so that it’s okay, it’s not a big deal and probably not worth him knowing, I still convince myself to tell him, which I think is making matters worse. Basically, I’m seeking reassurance and I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know what to do, I feel I’m stuck in an endless cycle of confessions, it’s driving me insane. It’s affecting our relationship more than the actual actions are. Please, can anyone help?

I will be straight forward and honest. I have cheated in the past. My last relationship was long term, and I had begged and begged for him to change and in the end he never did. I don’t know why I cheated. And I’m not going to make excuses for myself for why I did. I messed up. The cheating was online, it was never in person. But now, I’m in a new relationship. And he’s everything I have ever wanted in a boyfriend, husband, and best friend. I want this man to be with me the rest of our lives, and I want to see him help raise our future children. But I can’t help but feel such immense guilt, because although I have never cheated on him, his ex had cheated on him. And I truly don’t understand how or why she would…but that’s not my place to comment on. Such a big part of me wants to tell him, and tell him that that’s not me anymore, and I know that we will communicate healthily and openly, unlike my last relationship, which he never wanted to. Not only this, my brain just won’t. stop. thinking…about how I had cheated. I regret doing what I had done, I don’t WANT to cheat anymore, or ever again. Especially with the love of my life I have now. But I’m scared of what do I do if I have a compulsion, or anything revolving around cheating. I want to tell him about it, but I know I shouldn’t, and can’t really tell him as it’s complicated, and I know I would only make things worse. I feel like such a terrible person, and girlfriend, for what I have done and what I’m worried about ‘if I do’, even though I don’t want to. I want to be better, I want to grow. Any advice please would be amazing.

I have this deep fear I’ll accidentally cheat on my long term partner. This fear was initially triggered a couple years ago after being at a bar with my friends where I enjoyed the attention of being flirted with by a stranger. Because of my enjoyment of receiving verbal attention, I began spiraling about what if I accidentally cheat. Since then I have made multiple confessions to my partner to seek reassurance, replayed events over and over in my head, spent hours googling/looking at reddit threads, and now I dread “bar like” situations where I know my partner won’t be around. Today I was triggered and have wasted about 4-5 hours of my day ruminating. Does anyone else with relationship ocd struggle with this fear and have any tips?

I’ve been feeling the compulsion of confession again. I hate confessing things to my boyfriend I don’t want him to carry the burden. I’d rather hurt than him hurt. But I feel I did something wrong and he needs to know. Like I need to be punished or something. I may be over reacting to it but I just feel guilty and I had a panic attack when I woke up yesterday. I would never cheat on him. Just making guys laugh I feel like I am doing him wrong or flirting. And then when I notice it I just feel awful. I just want to be liked and noticed not romantically but just as a human. I don’t know why I act like this and feel the need to tell him as if I slept with someone. I think it’s attacking my biggest fear which is losing him. Does anyone have experience with this?