7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
AJS24AJS24
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s seems to me that you are clinging on to the thought that love is supposed to be a feeling when really it’s an action. This was hard for me to understand the first time I heard it. What you do or are willing to do for your partner determines your love for them. The love you give to your boyfriend isn’t for you to feel… it’s for him to feel and the same thing goes for the love he gives to you. Of course it feels amazing to have that warm fuzzy feeling around you partner but do take note that the mind is very powerful and can make you experience emotions even from thoughts that aren’t true. You focusing on the thought that says you don’t love him creates emotions and the emotions grow stronger when you obsess. You go from distressed by thought to distressed by both thought and the feeling. Try your best to focus on the reasons you fell in love in the first place when you experience this. Capture it and feel it just as strongly as you would have felt the feeling when you felt like you didn’t love him. GIVE POSITIVITY THE POWER ♥️ I’ve struggled with many types of OCD…. ROCD being one of them and I can tell you the fact that you not feeling “in love “ at times causes you so much distress… you love him. Cause if you didn’t love him you would be okay with these thoughts experiencing and wouldn’t question your love. This feeling is temporary and usually short lived… though in some cases it’s an on and off feeling or happens for long periods at a time. I’ve believe I’ve seen you comment on awaken into love YouTube channel a few times and this seems to be a a struggle that’s been occurring for a while. A lot goes into why you feel the way you do but I can tell you your love for your partner is more real then the lies your thoughts are telling you. Any thought can become a feeling when you give it attention. You ever notice that sometimes when you think something happened and you feel the emotions of it just to find out it wasn’t true and you no longer feel the emotions cause it’s been relieved ? It’s almost like that.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so very very much for this. It does mean a lot. Reading this did help in some way. I was thinking as to why I fell for him in the first place like. I told him one of the reasons why I love him is bc he makes me such yummy dinners! 🥰 I felt that off sensations when I said it but ignored it. I actually felt calm and happy towards the end of the night. Like I didn’t feel as though I was overthinking. My problem in general is I can become scared easily of any outcome that can become a huge threat to me or when I get upset I can become very critical. I watch the awaken into love videos to try to help understand things but but after awhile I started using them so reassurance. I’ve dealt with ROCD randomly but not this badly for 9 or 10 years now. B it since my huge trigger over a year ago this is the worst of it I’ve had to deal with. I even tried talking to someone on this app to get help and when I talked it’s like I never had ROCD.
Lilith666Lilith666
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 I think I always used to think that I had to love someone the way I loved my first love, but I think that type of love is different than a long-term relationship type of love
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
Would it be possible to talk you in a private chat?….
Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
when you say "i dont feel love its like i really don't love him at all" - that is your OCD wanting you to find an answer. that is your OCD wanting reassurance and you to seek out reasons as to why you love him. instead of giving into the compulsions, accept that in those moments you don't need an answer as to why you don't love him in that moment. you won't love or even like your partner all the time. being in a relationship is a roller coaster of emotions. we won't always have these butterflies for them, but we can still love them on days where they feel pretty boring or plain to us. don't let OCD trick you into thinking you need an answer.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
But… why can’t I make love with him? I have no interest whatsoever….
Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 Are you in therapy through NOCD?
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
@Jesse Miller No… I wanted to sign up after I moved at the end of next month…
Lilith666Lilith666
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 That sounds like something you should express to your therapist! Therapists often have good insight or lead you to your own self-discoveries about why you feel a certain way.
Lilith666Lilith666
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 You should consider signing up sooner since it is virtual. That we you can at least get scheduled.
Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 I can only give you so much advice as I am only an advocate for the app but I do highly recommend therapy! Especially in cases where physical intimacy is hard. This is still a pretty normal avoidance compulsion. But it would be super healthy for your relationship to take the next step into therapy!
Related posts
Anonymous
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
Companionship vs love
Does anyone else worry and obsess over whether they desire companionship w their partner or if they actually love them? This is a fairly new obsession for me and before this I was so sure and willing to move toward, but now with this I’m feeling like this is my truth.. that I just want companionship with him and I’m not actually in love with him :( and this hurts man I don’t want just companionship I want him for him and I want to grow with him and have a deep meaningful relationship but the feelings ocd gives me feels like that’s a lie and I don’t actually love him deeply, but it’s so weird because I don’t experience that feeling of knowing deep down that it’s true the way I do with soocd. With soocd now I know deep down being with a woman isn’t what I want, and I don’t feel that certainty now with feeling like I don’t love my bf, but it feels like there’s no other option and all this trouble I’m going through to be happy with him is proof I don’t love him
Anonymous
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
I feel like I don’t love him sometimes 💔
I realized I’ve depended a lot on my boyfriend for comfort through my ocd, and I’m starting to feel like even before my ocd I was paying more attention to the relationship itself more than him, or the attachment: even though I remember distinct feelings of me wanting to be with him forever, and feeling so happy and complete with him, time didn’t exist, I felt like my most authentic self. So now I’m trying to create a healthy attachment and see him as his own person, which was helping at first, but now it feels as if I’m seeing that I don’t actually love him for him, the thought of moving forward in life without him breaks my heart and I don’t want to but my mind keeps telling me that I want it because of the attachment. He’s the exact type of person and partner I would want but it feels like whatever I feel is not enough.. But I DO experience moments of affection and care and admiration for him but they don’t last long..before I started making this shift in perspective even with the ocd I was still so sure and confident in moving forward with him, I felt so much like I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. But now that I’ve made this shift it feels like I’m seeing him from a whole different place. Like all those good and happy feelings I had for him are gone now and I don’t have any confidence in what I want anymore. Before I did feel confident that I wanted to be with him but now it feels like there’s this wall between him and me :( I want to be with him I know I do, because even now I still feel the desire to keep going, but I can’t see the future anymore or the confidence to keep going. I was never much of a future thinker, even in my personal life but this feels like added proof I feel like I’m alone in this like no one else has this situation and the chances for me to realize after I recover that I don’t actually love him are so much higher 💔
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 22w
i feel so bad
I feel so lost. My boyfriend tries so hard to help me, but nothing seems to work. Every time he reassures me, my mind finds another doubt. He asks me, “So you’ve been questioning if you love me for almost 2 years?” and instead of feeling comforted, my mind jumps to “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him.” I keep telling him every thought that comes to my mind, hoping for relief, but it never lasts. I feel anxious, disconnected, and stuck in this endless cycle. He tells me that if I truly didn’t love him, I wouldn’t care so much about these thoughts. But still, my brain won’t stop questioning everything. I don’t understand why I feel this way. Why does it feel like I’m forcing something? Why do I feel like I can’t just know how I feel? I want to feel okay. I want to be present with him without analyzing every moment. But no matter what I do, my mind keeps telling me “What if you don’t love him?” I feel like I’m stuck between wanting clarity and being terrified of what that clarity might mean. It feels so real, and I hate it. I don’t know what to do.
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