- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s seems to me that you are clinging on to the thought that love is supposed to be a feeling when really it’s an action. This was hard for me to understand the first time I heard it. What you do or are willing to do for your partner determines your love for them. The love you give to your boyfriend isn’t for you to feel… it’s for him to feel and the same thing goes for the love he gives to you. Of course it feels amazing to have that warm fuzzy feeling around you partner but do take note that the mind is very powerful and can make you experience emotions even from thoughts that aren’t true. You focusing on the thought that says you don’t love him creates emotions and the emotions grow stronger when you obsess. You go from distressed by thought to distressed by both thought and the feeling. Try your best to focus on the reasons you fell in love in the first place when you experience this. Capture it and feel it just as strongly as you would have felt the feeling when you felt like you didn’t love him. GIVE POSITIVITY THE POWER ♥️ I’ve struggled with many types of OCD…. ROCD being one of them and I can tell you the fact that you not feeling “in love “ at times causes you so much distress… you love him. Cause if you didn’t love him you would be okay with these thoughts experiencing and wouldn’t question your love. This feeling is temporary and usually short lived… though in some cases it’s an on and off feeling or happens for long periods at a time. I’ve believe I’ve seen you comment on awaken into love YouTube channel a few times and this seems to be a a struggle that’s been occurring for a while. A lot goes into why you feel the way you do but I can tell you your love for your partner is more real then the lies your thoughts are telling you. Any thought can become a feeling when you give it attention. You ever notice that sometimes when you think something happened and you feel the emotions of it just to find out it wasn’t true and you no longer feel the emotions cause it’s been relieved ? It’s almost like that.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so very very much for this. It does mean a lot. Reading this did help in some way. I was thinking as to why I fell for him in the first place like. I told him one of the reasons why I love him is bc he makes me such yummy dinners! 🥰 I felt that off sensations when I said it but ignored it. I actually felt calm and happy towards the end of the night. Like I didn’t feel as though I was overthinking. My problem in general is I can become scared easily of any outcome that can become a huge threat to me or when I get upset I can become very critical. I watch the awaken into love videos to try to help understand things but but after awhile I started using them so reassurance. I’ve dealt with ROCD randomly but not this badly for 9 or 10 years now. B it since my huge trigger over a year ago this is the worst of it I’ve had to deal with. I even tried talking to someone on this app to get help and when I talked it’s like I never had ROCD.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 I think I always used to think that I had to love someone the way I loved my first love, but I think that type of love is different than a long-term relationship type of love
- Date posted
- 3y
Would it be possible to talk you in a private chat?….
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
when you say "i dont feel love its like i really don't love him at all" - that is your OCD wanting you to find an answer. that is your OCD wanting reassurance and you to seek out reasons as to why you love him. instead of giving into the compulsions, accept that in those moments you don't need an answer as to why you don't love him in that moment. you won't love or even like your partner all the time. being in a relationship is a roller coaster of emotions. we won't always have these butterflies for them, but we can still love them on days where they feel pretty boring or plain to us. don't let OCD trick you into thinking you need an answer.
- Date posted
- 3y
But… why can’t I make love with him? I have no interest whatsoever….
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 Are you in therapy through NOCD?
- Date posted
- 3y
@Jesse Miller No… I wanted to sign up after I moved at the end of next month…
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 That sounds like something you should express to your therapist! Therapists often have good insight or lead you to your own self-discoveries about why you feel a certain way.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 You should consider signing up sooner since it is virtual. That we you can at least get scheduled.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 I can only give you so much advice as I am only an advocate for the app but I do highly recommend therapy! Especially in cases where physical intimacy is hard. This is still a pretty normal avoidance compulsion. But it would be super healthy for your relationship to take the next step into therapy!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest
- Date posted
- 20w
Lately, I’ve been feeling like something has changed in me — like I have changed, and like my feelings for my boyfriend have faded or shifted. It’s one of the worst sensations I’ve ever felt. I keep thinking things like “I don’t love him like before” or “I’ve changed too much to feel anything now.” Sometimes when he calls me or makes a joke, I get irritated for no reason. I feel like I’m being mean, cold, disconnected — and then guilt crashes down on me. I remember how I used to feel: warm, close, expressive. And now… I just don’t feel the same. That makes me think: “Maybe I’ve fallen out of love.” But I’m also constantly anxious. I overthink every moment. I can’t relax into anything without analyzing if what I feel is “right.” It makes me wonder — maybe I haven’t actually changed. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed and tired from months of these thoughts and fears. I don’t know how to feel right now. I just want to believe that this disconnection isn’t proof that love is gone, but a sign that I’m scared and burnt out.
- Date posted
- 18w
I know it’s long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months I’d say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause it’s been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasn’t communicating how I should have been when I was upset because I’ve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but It’s weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didn’t feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that I’m not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and it’s like that’s the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I don’t care like I used to because I think of how he doesn’t deserve this when he does this or he shouldn’t have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? That’s horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I can’t do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And that’s not how it used to feeel which scares me because I don’t want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause it’s the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. I’m scared. Is it possible I’m just I’ve been mad and resenting how it’s been cause he’s been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I don’t want to stay in something where I don’t feel toward him the way I want to but I really don’t want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesn’t deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question him😭 trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldn’t think like this or feel like this.
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