7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
AJS24AJS24
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s seems to me that you are clinging on to the thought that love is supposed to be a feeling when really it’s an action. This was hard for me to understand the first time I heard it. What you do or are willing to do for your partner determines your love for them. The love you give to your boyfriend isn’t for you to feel… it’s for him to feel and the same thing goes for the love he gives to you. Of course it feels amazing to have that warm fuzzy feeling around you partner but do take note that the mind is very powerful and can make you experience emotions even from thoughts that aren’t true. You focusing on the thought that says you don’t love him creates emotions and the emotions grow stronger when you obsess. You go from distressed by thought to distressed by both thought and the feeling. Try your best to focus on the reasons you fell in love in the first place when you experience this. Capture it and feel it just as strongly as you would have felt the feeling when you felt like you didn’t love him. GIVE POSITIVITY THE POWER ♥️ I’ve struggled with many types of OCD…. ROCD being one of them and I can tell you the fact that you not feeling “in love “ at times causes you so much distress… you love him. Cause if you didn’t love him you would be okay with these thoughts experiencing and wouldn’t question your love. This feeling is temporary and usually short lived… though in some cases it’s an on and off feeling or happens for long periods at a time. I’ve believe I’ve seen you comment on awaken into love YouTube channel a few times and this seems to be a a struggle that’s been occurring for a while. A lot goes into why you feel the way you do but I can tell you your love for your partner is more real then the lies your thoughts are telling you. Any thought can become a feeling when you give it attention. You ever notice that sometimes when you think something happened and you feel the emotions of it just to find out it wasn’t true and you no longer feel the emotions cause it’s been relieved ? It’s almost like that.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so very very much for this. It does mean a lot. Reading this did help in some way. I was thinking as to why I fell for him in the first place like. I told him one of the reasons why I love him is bc he makes me such yummy dinners! 🥰 I felt that off sensations when I said it but ignored it. I actually felt calm and happy towards the end of the night. Like I didn’t feel as though I was overthinking. My problem in general is I can become scared easily of any outcome that can become a huge threat to me or when I get upset I can become very critical. I watch the awaken into love videos to try to help understand things but but after awhile I started using them so reassurance. I’ve dealt with ROCD randomly but not this badly for 9 or 10 years now. B it since my huge trigger over a year ago this is the worst of it I’ve had to deal with. I even tried talking to someone on this app to get help and when I talked it’s like I never had ROCD.
Lilith666Lilith666
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 I think I always used to think that I had to love someone the way I loved my first love, but I think that type of love is different than a long-term relationship type of love
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
Would it be possible to talk you in a private chat?….
Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
when you say "i dont feel love its like i really don't love him at all" - that is your OCD wanting you to find an answer. that is your OCD wanting reassurance and you to seek out reasons as to why you love him. instead of giving into the compulsions, accept that in those moments you don't need an answer as to why you don't love him in that moment. you won't love or even like your partner all the time. being in a relationship is a roller coaster of emotions. we won't always have these butterflies for them, but we can still love them on days where they feel pretty boring or plain to us. don't let OCD trick you into thinking you need an answer.
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
But… why can’t I make love with him? I have no interest whatsoever….
Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 Are you in therapy through NOCD?
7710 ❤️7710 ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
@Jesse Miller No… I wanted to sign up after I moved at the end of next month…
Lilith666Lilith666
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 That sounds like something you should express to your therapist! Therapists often have good insight or lead you to your own self-discoveries about why you feel a certain way.
Lilith666Lilith666
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 You should consider signing up sooner since it is virtual. That we you can at least get scheduled.
Jesse MillerJesse Miller
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mandy7710 I can only give you so much advice as I am only an advocate for the app but I do highly recommend therapy! Especially in cases where physical intimacy is hard. This is still a pretty normal avoidance compulsion. But it would be super healthy for your relationship to take the next step into therapy!
Related posts
LV4523
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 23w
Pure o
Getting myself into a spiral trying to figure out if I actually am in love with my boyfriend. Have I just been pretending? How do I know I ACTUALLY love him and not just the idea of him or his love and affection? It just feels like this pressing and intense question lately. I know I can’t solve it by ruminating bc I have been in the same themes for almost 2 years and have never gotten closer to “figuring them out”. Just so hard to stop trying to figure out if I actually love him or not today.
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 18w
i feel so strange
hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 17w
would like a response
Lately, I’ve been feeling like something has changed in me — like I have changed, and like my feelings for my boyfriend have faded or shifted. It’s one of the worst sensations I’ve ever felt. I keep thinking things like “I don’t love him like before” or “I’ve changed too much to feel anything now.” Sometimes when he calls me or makes a joke, I get irritated for no reason. I feel like I’m being mean, cold, disconnected — and then guilt crashes down on me. I remember how I used to feel: warm, close, expressive. And now… I just don’t feel the same. That makes me think: “Maybe I’ve fallen out of love.” But I’m also constantly anxious. I overthink every moment. I can’t relax into anything without analyzing if what I feel is “right.” It makes me wonder — maybe I haven’t actually changed. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed and tired from months of these thoughts and fears. I don’t know how to feel right now. I just want to believe that this disconnection isn’t proof that love is gone, but a sign that I’m scared and burnt out.
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