Sex… my drive is completely dead… I miss having sex with him.. 😢 like it’s at 0…. I still touch him randomly but when he touches me I feel off… I really don’t want to break up with him… I actually felt happy and relaxed yesterday. I got to cuddle 🥲 now it just seems like I really do wanna break up just bc of how off I feel…

It’s hard to talk to my partner about it. He is aware of my ROCD but right now I don’t know how I truly feel anymore since I’ve been in such a negative state lately…

When I think of how I was yesterday happy and relaxed being able to cuddle with my partner I was actually happy and knew I love him. But constantly I feel as though I don’t love him. I can’t tell if I am in denial about ROCD or loving him… but when I do feel happy I know I love him.

@Mandy7710 🥺 I totally get that. It might even feel like you could hurt him by telling him what’s going on. Obviously I can’t know for sure, but to me it sounds like you love him very much. You care a lot about him and want to give him the love you know he deserves, and you’re worried that you don’t have that love. Your caring and worry for him is love. Love is a feeling but it is also a system of behaviors and it takes work. Your love is in your commitment to each other, the way you treat one another, and the effort you put in to your relationship. You love him so much it makes you sick sometimes.

@booba I… just want you and everyone to be right… I cry and cry bc I want to just know I love him like before… we were so close before my trigger a year ago… I look at old pictures of us and I just sit and cry…. I want to be that person again. I was happy and loveable to him. My friend even told me why would you cry, but him snacks you know he loves, buy him a new flannel or do anything that you do if you didn’t love him? She said she was confused by that

@Mandy7710 Oh darling I am so sorry ☹️ that just absolutely breaks my heart to hear. Why would you care so much about how close you are and how your relationship may have changed if you didn’t love him so deeply? If you didn’t love him, wouldn’t you be fantasizing about breaking up and feel relieved when you imagine him not in your life anymore? Your caring and worry about this reveals your true feelings. You love him. You care about him. You want to be the best for him and you want to be as close as you can possibly be. You might not have the infatuation, honeymoon type feelings like you do in the beginning, but those feelings aren’t love anyway. Love is wanting that person in your life for as long as you can possibly have them. Love is planning your life with your partner in mind.

@booba Right now.. I don’t know if I love him… I can list a whole bunch of things I love about about him. There are times I tell myself I think it’s over but I would cry very badly bc I don’t want it to be over.

@booba But how is it when I am relax I know I love him and during that time I am happy.