I keep feeling like I’m stealing. For example, the last few days I’ve had guilt for not trying my absolute 100% in grad school assignments the last couple of days. Because my grandma a year ago decided to pay for grad school (which im obviously so grateful for), I feel like I am stealing from her since Im aware that I’m not trying my absolute 100% (and it’s not like I’m getting bad grades) The guilt has been so overwhelming. The guilt I continue to feel keeps making me think about suicide. I feel guilt even making that statement, because it’s taking away from the fact that I might be stealing from my Grandma. I’m so overwhelmed.

Thank you 🤍. I’m stuck on the “she wouldn’t feel like she is being stolen from” part. I get the first part that she wants me to relax and enjoy life but after that, I feel lost.

@apops Im sorry if I didn’t explain it, what I mean to say is that she probably knows that you are a human being that needs to relax and have fun and she probably knows that it is totally unreasonable to ask you to put 100% of your effort into your work at all times. I hope this helps

@Scared Thank you. One of the specific assignments I’m thinking about is regarding me Not adding photos to a project because that would mean making more citations, which gives me anxiety because of plagarism and fear of stealing. Just a whole other thing. But thank you so much for this

@apops :) I can totally relate. Just take a break and remind yourself you have a mental illness and just trying to deal with the symptoms and guilt that it causes is enough to allow you to rest.

I’m sorry. Do you also relate it to stealing or you feel guilty in a different way?

@apops At the beginning yes. But it's more an obsession of always failing myself. Perfectionism+ not living up to potential.