Hello guys, i'm new here! Im in a realatonship right now for a month, and i think i have ROCD. Im really bothered rn, my obsessions came for two weeks ago. I can't stop thinking about; "What if my boyfriend's doesn't love me?" "I will lose him." I have compulsions too. I have to repeat the chats in my head that we took online, and if i find out that something is just "normal", i panic, because im afraid of he lost intrest. Sometimes im panicking because our relationship isn't "perfect" we just get along.(What if i lose him???). Booked a date with my psychiatrist, but she cannot receive me just in january 22rd. I can't deal with obsessions. I'll go on a party to my boyfriend's on friday and im really upset. I want to be OK. I want to chill down. His friends will be there too, and im afraid of that he'll ignore me because of his friends. Idk. Is this a part of ROCD? My compulsions are checking and analysing every message we took. And irl im doing this too. Subconsciously. "He didn't smiled at you, he's just hiding his feelings, he lost interst, he doesn't love you anymore." I need some help... Some understanding ears... Some sedation... And im really thankful, if you read all of these... Have a nice day, and stay strong!;)

Hi everyone. I’m really struggling and I need to let it all out. I’ve been dealing with ROCD (or what I think is ROCD) for a long time, and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I’m in a loving relationship with a boyfriend who is kind, understanding, and patient. But ever since I started reading a lot online, googling symptoms, talking to AI like ChatGPT, searching for reassurance, things have gotten worse and worse. And now… I feel completely disconnected from my feelings. I don’t know what’s real anymore. My boyfriend told me that he believes I’ve convinced myself that I have something that needs to be treated, and that all this constant researching is making me feel worse. And honestly, I think he’s right. Before I fell into this cycle, I could be more intimate with him. I used to say “I love you,” I used to feel warmth. Now I don’t say it anymore. I haven’t in a long time. And it hurts him. And I know I’m hurting him, and that makes it even worse. He also said that maybe I’m having these obsessive thoughts because I don’t have a daily purpose, that I need to get occupied, to stop being consumed by this. And others in my life have told me the same. He even suggested taking a break from each other for a week, just to give me space. But I’m terrified of that. I’m scared that the thing I fear most will become “the truth.” I’m scared I’ll feel relief, and that will mean everything I fear is real. But he told me that if I don’t want the break, maybe it means I still care. Still love. Still want this. The problem is, I don’t know anymore. And that’s what’s killing me. I’ve also had a psychologist who told me that just because I feel guilt or “care,” it doesn’t necessarily mean I like him — and that sent me spiraling. She said that maybe I care about people in general, but it doesn’t mean I love him. And it made me feel like I’m just lying to myself. That maybe I’m holding on out of obligation, or because I set in my head that I “have to be with him.” And even when he tells me beautiful things — logical things — things that SHOULD make me feel safe and seen… I don’t feel better. I just feel more empty. And then I start spiraling again: “If this doesn’t help me feel better, then something must be wrong.” “What if I’m just pretending?” “What if I’ve been lying to myself all along?” I feel like there’s something wrong inside of me. Like no matter what anyone says, or how much love I’m given, I can’t feel it. I just want to know what to do. I want someone to tell me what this is. I want to stop feeling like I’m running after a version of myself that used to feel, used to love, used to be calm. I don’t know if this is ROCD or if I’m just slowly facing a truth I’ve been afraid to accept. Please, if anyone has felt this way, I need to hear that I’m not alone. And if you’ve come out the other side… how? My relationship is perfect and he is perfect, i just deal with this and i am far from happy.

Hi everyone, I really need help and guidance because I feel like I’m falling apart and I don’t know how to handle this anymore. Please read carefully what I’m about to say. I’m dealing with ROCD (at least people tell me it sounds like ROCD), but everything feels too real, too intense, and I feel like I’m losing myself completely. I feel like I’m stuck in my mind all day long. I keep thinking that I don’t love my boyfriend anymore, that I never loved him, that I only wanted the idea of a relationship and that I forced myself to feel something because he is such a good person. My intrusive thoughts say: • “You don’t love him.” • “You never loved him.” • “You’re forcing yourself.” • “You only liked the idea of love.” • “You’re ruining him and yourself by staying.” • “The relationship is wrong.” • “You’re a bad person for pretending.” And my FEELINGS are worse than the thoughts — I feel NOTHING when I’m with him. When I hug him, kiss him, or hear his voice, I feel disconnected. I feel numb, empty, fake. Sometimes I even feel disgusted when we are intimate or when he says something sexual, and then I feel huge guilt and anxiety about that. When we’re talking or when I’m with him in bed, I constantly think: “I don’t like him anymore,” “Why am I here?” “Why can’t I feel anything?” “Maybe I just want to escape this relationship and I’m not brave enough.” And now, I’m starting to feel that I’m not even upset about the thoughts anymore — which makes me think “See? It’s true, you’re finally accepting it.” This scares me so much. When I look at our old pictures, I feel no warmth, no happiness, just anxiety or nothing at all. When people ask me about him or mention him, I feel flat or uncomfortable, and my mind screams again: “You don’t love him anymore.” Even worse: my family sometimes says things that make me spiral more. My mom told me that I’m lying to myself and that I’m hurting him by staying, and that I need to stop if I don’t love him anymore. I know she didn’t mean it badly — she sees me suffering every day and it’s too hard for her to watch — but those words stuck in my head and now I can’t get them out. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t know what my values are, or what I want. I know I care about him — but then I think maybe I only care because I’m a good person and don’t want to hurt him, not because I love him. When I’m out with him, I often feel irritated, anxious, uncomfortable — and this fuels the thoughts even more: “See? You can’t even enjoy time with him anymore.” I know that logically I should sit with these feelings and thoughts and not give them power. But it feels unbearable. I’ve read so much about ERP, I’ve tried to understand this logically — but it’s like no matter how much I read or try, it doesn’t help. It feels like my mind is now saying: “No, this is different — this is the truth.” I feel alone because I have no one to talk to. Whenever I try to talk to my mom or someone close, it only makes things worse because I feel more confused and guilty. Even when I try to write here, it feels compulsive sometimes — but I’m desperate. I just want to stop suffering. I am exhausted. I am afraid that I will go to the beach with him and our friends in one month and I will feel horrible there too, ruining everything. I am afraid that I can’t be happy anymore and that the only solution is to leave — but that also terrifies me, because I don’t know if it’s the truth or OCD. Please, if anyone can give me some advice on how to sit with this and start healing, I would be so grateful. I feel like I have no strength left. I just want to feel peace again.

If anyone can help.. I’m suffering from ROCD.. I love my partner I do. I cry when I talk to him about this, I cry when he compliments me now, just a constant gut feeling every time I think about him or know I’m going to see him. It’s just, I cry at everything, especially when I’m with him, like I’ll be cuddling him and then I’ll think, “do you love him?” And I panic and I cry/get teary eyed. It’s just the gut feeling won’t go away. Maybe I’m in the wrong relationship? Maybe I’m upset because I’m with the amazing guy and I don’t like him anymore. I don’t know I just got upset writing this.. he is so sweet. He is my first long-term relationship. Like 2 months ago, when this started, everything before this was fine. Like literally we were about to hit our 8 month mark and then the next day he complimented me and I thought “idk if I love you anymore..” I couldn’t eat, sleep, major gut feelings. I cried and had panic attacks. Idk I know this sound pathetic but I want to love him. I don’t know if this is me seriously falling out of love or if this is ROCD. I tried getting a therapist but I can’t afford it because they don’t take my insurance. My bf is aware of EVERYTHING, And he’s been by my side the past two months since this started, but he doesn’t have ocd and doesn’t understand, so if someone could help, I would really appreciate it!!.. I just don’t know what’s going on. I miss how things were before. Quiet and happy. And now it’s just crying, gut feelings, and mess.. hopefully I don’t sound harsh and mean, im just wanting answer in what to do..