I have ROCD it started when I saw in some website (like things about the future) that said that what I felt for my boyfriend was platonic, so it was my trigger. Before that I was the happiest person in the world, I’ve never felt so in love. He is everything to me, the most suportive person ever, the most loving human and I love him. Well I lost contact with reality, I don’t know what love is anymore, that pure, simple love turned in panic and overchecking every time I kiss him, every time we are intimate. Just my mind won’t stop, and I am so tired, I just want to be with him, quite, and let him love me. I feel that I have a monster inside me, I don’t feel like I’m in control, something is living my life, I am just surviving

It is okay; I've been there! I know it's hard. But remember that love ISN'T only a "sparkly feeling". Is a commitment, and a CHOICE. What helped me is understanding more about rocd (than I was able to recognise my rocd toughts, and treat them the way that they should be!!), do erp, therapy, and a lot of patience. You should EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY (maby I love him; maby not) and DON'T try to answer to your thoughts. (There will never be an and if you answer: than you have to prove yourself that your answer is true-> more questions!) Also, a hard pill to swallow is letting go a lot of BAD BAD BAD beliefs that family, friends &society told me. - It is okay to not feel the sparkle every time. It is okay to feel apathy or indifferent about your partner sometimes. It is okay to don't be SUPER EXITED if he kiss you etc. All that doesn't means that you don't love him. - there is not THE ONE. The right one, doesn't exist. -emotions reflect thoughts. If you change your thoughts, your emotions will follow. - have doubts, ISN'T an answer.