A few weeks ago I wasn’t having these thoughts but now I can’t stop thinking of my wife with other men and it’s gotten me to start thinking she’s cheating on me or talking to someone else. I’ve started snooping to see if I could find anything and comparing details of our relationship now to inconsistencies a long time ago. Our sex life has diminished and she says it’s her because theres some medical issues we both have. But I have a fear that I’m gonna leave because of the lack of affection and intimacy but can’t because I love her and I imagine that some other guy would bring the freak back out in her that I miss and that I need to fix it somehow but can’t or never will. I keep playing mental movies of her with exes having wild sex and her just with other men in general or her cheating on me. I dunno if it’s rocd but I’m pretty sure it is because I just now realized after she told me I think you have ocd. I pace I obsess about purchases certain drs. Light bulbs keep going off in my head like oh I guess I really do have it. even in past relationships I would always feel a need to know as much about my partners past. Any help is needed I can’t find a therapist right now. Been trying. I don’t know how to apply erp to this. How do I expose my self to it. Thanks in advance. I look forward to this app.

Hi there. Sounds like what you’re going through is really tough. This might not work for you but if it was me in this situation I would talk to her. I would sit her down and have a calm conversation about how you’ve been feeling, and emphasise on the fact it’s intrusive thoughts and you yourself don’t have suspicions, if that’s how you feel. The lack of sex doesn’t have to mean there’s a lack of intimacy. There are plenty of non sexual things you can do that will help you still feel close to your wife. I know it’s not the same but it may help. It does sound like ROCD, but I’m not qualified to say this at all. You’ll get through this. It’s going to be okay.

We’ve had the conversation but she also has anxiety and it makes that worse for her. We’re working on the intimacy but every time it seems we’re making strides I ruin it by asking her about something that’s bothering me. We are seeing a marriage counselor next week but I’m skeptical how well it’s gonna go because it seems every healthcare professional around here isn’t up to par.

I think my trigger is that she has t initiated sex or any form of affection or intimacy in well over 5 years. Part of it is kids and medical problems but it makes me have thoughts that she would be into everything with another man.

That’s understandable, but at least now she knows it’s a thing and it’s bothering you. That’s a good idea to see a marriage counsellor. Go to that meeting with an open mind and be prepared for things to go either way, it may help or it may not, but don’t knock it until you try. If she wants to have sex she will have sex with you, I’m sure. She is most likely just not up to it at the moment, and that’s okay! Make sure you’re making her feel loved and make sure you tell her how beautiful she is, it could be a body image thing, you never know. I hope everything works out for you.

She hasn’t initiated sex in 7 years. She says a switch flipped off and she doesn’t know what it is. I tell her all the time she’s hotter now than she was back then and I’m sincere about it. I tell her she’s beautiful and I love her all the time.

U need to make her feel like wanting to have intimacy with u. Maybe u should b the one to make her feel like she did when u used to get the freak out of her. After u been with someone for a while and u have kids. The passion is gone at both ends. Then u exist and become farther apart. MEN always want the women to fix it or they step out and blame it on her lack of sex. U both have other shit in your head now. U are different people. Take her to a swanky hotel. RUB her feet. Feed her like the queen she is. B a REAL man! Then u might get your woman back!!!!!!

I do do those things. We don’t go out much but not because I don’t take her out it’s because of medical problems and that our finances are tied up into that. But I’ll get flowers now and then and make sure the house is clean kids to bed and everything is ready for tomorrow so that when she gets home from work we can spend time together. Instead she says she’s tired goes to bed only to find she’s been up for 2 hours on her phone. I became suspicious because of that and all these memories came back up and I can’t get out of my head inconsistencies from the past that suggest she may have cheated on me. So now I have these mental movies of those memories but of her cheating and it’s gotten to a point where I can’t stop the thoughts from getting to a point of panic and I confront her about them.

I’m having problems questioning if it’s ocd or a lack of trust based on 3 things that happens early on in our relationship that I completely forgot about and I’m obsessing about now.