- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi there. Sounds like what you’re going through is really tough. This might not work for you but if it was me in this situation I would talk to her. I would sit her down and have a calm conversation about how you’ve been feeling, and emphasise on the fact it’s intrusive thoughts and you yourself don’t have suspicions, if that’s how you feel. The lack of sex doesn’t have to mean there’s a lack of intimacy. There are plenty of non sexual things you can do that will help you still feel close to your wife. I know it’s not the same but it may help. It does sound like ROCD, but I’m not qualified to say this at all. You’ll get through this. It’s going to be okay.
- Date posted
- 6y
We’ve had the conversation but she also has anxiety and it makes that worse for her. We’re working on the intimacy but every time it seems we’re making strides I ruin it by asking her about something that’s bothering me. We are seeing a marriage counselor next week but I’m skeptical how well it’s gonna go because it seems every healthcare professional around here isn’t up to par.
- Date posted
- 6y
I think my trigger is that she has t initiated sex or any form of affection or intimacy in well over 5 years. Part of it is kids and medical problems but it makes me have thoughts that she would be into everything with another man.
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s understandable, but at least now she knows it’s a thing and it’s bothering you. That’s a good idea to see a marriage counsellor. Go to that meeting with an open mind and be prepared for things to go either way, it may help or it may not, but don’t knock it until you try. If she wants to have sex she will have sex with you, I’m sure. She is most likely just not up to it at the moment, and that’s okay! Make sure you’re making her feel loved and make sure you tell her how beautiful she is, it could be a body image thing, you never know. I hope everything works out for you.
- Date posted
- 6y
She hasn’t initiated sex in 7 years. She says a switch flipped off and she doesn’t know what it is. I tell her all the time she’s hotter now than she was back then and I’m sincere about it. I tell her she’s beautiful and I love her all the time.
- Date posted
- 6y
U need to make her feel like wanting to have intimacy with u. Maybe u should b the one to make her feel like she did when u used to get the freak out of her. After u been with someone for a while and u have kids. The passion is gone at both ends. Then u exist and become farther apart. MEN always want the women to fix it or they step out and blame it on her lack of sex. U both have other shit in your head now. U are different people. Take her to a swanky hotel. RUB her feet. Feed her like the queen she is. B a REAL man! Then u might get your woman back!!!!!!
- Date posted
- 6y
I do do those things. We don’t go out much but not because I don’t take her out it’s because of medical problems and that our finances are tied up into that. But I’ll get flowers now and then and make sure the house is clean kids to bed and everything is ready for tomorrow so that when she gets home from work we can spend time together. Instead she says she’s tired goes to bed only to find she’s been up for 2 hours on her phone. I became suspicious because of that and all these memories came back up and I can’t get out of my head inconsistencies from the past that suggest she may have cheated on me. So now I have these mental movies of those memories but of her cheating and it’s gotten to a point where I can’t stop the thoughts from getting to a point of panic and I confront her about them.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m having problems questioning if it’s ocd or a lack of trust based on 3 things that happens early on in our relationship that I completely forgot about and I’m obsessing about now.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.
- Date posted
- 20w
I don’t know where to begin, this is going to be very long. But whoever responds I appreciate you dearly. I’m 20 years old, I’ve dealt with a lot in my childhood with abandonment and insecurity issues from my family. Aswell of not having a role model of a healthy relationship shown to me as a child. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years, my first healthy relationship. Last year I discovered OCD (I am diagnosed but I ignored my mental health as a teenager like anybody would) I started to get these feelings that I don’t love my partner/he’s not attractive enough/ etc etc. I’ve discovered that it’s ROCD. I made threads on Reddit asking for advice googling for reassurance, all the things as one would do with ocd (as I’m doing now!) One day I woke up and that theme was gone, I felt normal in my relationship for about 4 months with no terrible thoughts. As of about 2-3 months ago, my theme switched. Now I have a fear he doesn’t love me, he’s cheating, he doesn’t want to marry me. It has utterly consumed me (just like my last theme!) I check his phone an unhealthy amount (guess what I never find anything!) He always lets me go through his phone, but as anyone would he gets annoyed and frustrated. I always am searching for signs if he’s acting weird, will get into arguments 24/7 because my brain keeps telling me he’s cheating, I get fake scenarios in my brain, hell I even bought Snapchat+ to stalk his snap score. But ever single time I find nothing. A lot of things trigger me and I over analyze everything, phone calls who his texting. When I do search his phone I check his EMAIL because of how paranoid I am. When I see things on social media about people cheating I SPIRALLLL But what really triggered me was this scenario, his family loves to joke around with me and mess with him at the same time, especially with our relationship, saying I have a leash on him etc etc making jokes (which I can take but when I’m in an ocd spiral and they have no idea something’s are triggering) anyways, we were out to lunch and his mother texts him “are u at some girls house” he told me straight away then responded “why would u say that” then she proceeded to say she’s messing around with him. And sent a picture of me and said I’m with Hailey at lunch, then they had a normal conversation after. Obviously this sent me into a spiral, it still bothers me. I was so upset and anxious, when we got back to his house I went through that man’s phone like it was my only job in the world. And I search EVERYTHING not one thing goes untouched. (I sound insane) anyways we went back to his place, then he called his mom to come in his room and asked why she said that, she felt guilty and said she was messing around she had her hands in her head (mind you she’s been drinking probably just messing around with him when she texted that) she told me not to worry ever about that kind of stuff because her son is not that type of man, she proceeded to leave the room then texted me about how sorry she was and didn’t mean to freak me out and felt like shit about it. Ever since then she’s been acting kind of weird towards me (not really) maybe she’s uncomfortable or there’s another women idk LOL. Anyways yea what the hell do I do I literally can’t function properly.
- Date posted
- 17w
I’ve been really struggling with Relationship OCD since I got married, and 3 years later, I’m afraid I’ve lost the love of my life. Between the Relationship OCD, the Religious OCD, and the Sexuality OCD, she couldn’t handle it anymore. Now that she left, the fog of doubt has faded, and I’m realizing how much I truly loved her all along. I just don’t understand how our minds can play such sabotaging tricks on us. And why? I don’t know what to do. I hope and pray we eventually get back together, but I know I need help. I want to do whatever I can to return to a place where she can feel loved by me, the way she did before ROCD took over. Is anyone here going through something similar? Has anyone overcome ROCD? Were you able to repair your relationship? I’d really appreciate any insight or advice. Thank you.
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