- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi there. Sounds like what you’re going through is really tough. This might not work for you but if it was me in this situation I would talk to her. I would sit her down and have a calm conversation about how you’ve been feeling, and emphasise on the fact it’s intrusive thoughts and you yourself don’t have suspicions, if that’s how you feel. The lack of sex doesn’t have to mean there’s a lack of intimacy. There are plenty of non sexual things you can do that will help you still feel close to your wife. I know it’s not the same but it may help. It does sound like ROCD, but I’m not qualified to say this at all. You’ll get through this. It’s going to be okay.
- Date posted
- 6y
We’ve had the conversation but she also has anxiety and it makes that worse for her. We’re working on the intimacy but every time it seems we’re making strides I ruin it by asking her about something that’s bothering me. We are seeing a marriage counselor next week but I’m skeptical how well it’s gonna go because it seems every healthcare professional around here isn’t up to par.
- Date posted
- 6y
I think my trigger is that she has t initiated sex or any form of affection or intimacy in well over 5 years. Part of it is kids and medical problems but it makes me have thoughts that she would be into everything with another man.
- Date posted
- 6y
That’s understandable, but at least now she knows it’s a thing and it’s bothering you. That’s a good idea to see a marriage counsellor. Go to that meeting with an open mind and be prepared for things to go either way, it may help or it may not, but don’t knock it until you try. If she wants to have sex she will have sex with you, I’m sure. She is most likely just not up to it at the moment, and that’s okay! Make sure you’re making her feel loved and make sure you tell her how beautiful she is, it could be a body image thing, you never know. I hope everything works out for you.
- Date posted
- 6y
She hasn’t initiated sex in 7 years. She says a switch flipped off and she doesn’t know what it is. I tell her all the time she’s hotter now than she was back then and I’m sincere about it. I tell her she’s beautiful and I love her all the time.
- Date posted
- 6y
U need to make her feel like wanting to have intimacy with u. Maybe u should b the one to make her feel like she did when u used to get the freak out of her. After u been with someone for a while and u have kids. The passion is gone at both ends. Then u exist and become farther apart. MEN always want the women to fix it or they step out and blame it on her lack of sex. U both have other shit in your head now. U are different people. Take her to a swanky hotel. RUB her feet. Feed her like the queen she is. B a REAL man! Then u might get your woman back!!!!!!
- Date posted
- 6y
I do do those things. We don’t go out much but not because I don’t take her out it’s because of medical problems and that our finances are tied up into that. But I’ll get flowers now and then and make sure the house is clean kids to bed and everything is ready for tomorrow so that when she gets home from work we can spend time together. Instead she says she’s tired goes to bed only to find she’s been up for 2 hours on her phone. I became suspicious because of that and all these memories came back up and I can’t get out of my head inconsistencies from the past that suggest she may have cheated on me. So now I have these mental movies of those memories but of her cheating and it’s gotten to a point where I can’t stop the thoughts from getting to a point of panic and I confront her about them.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m having problems questioning if it’s ocd or a lack of trust based on 3 things that happens early on in our relationship that I completely forgot about and I’m obsessing about now.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Hey I'm new here... Married for two years, not formally diagnosed with OCD but over 25 years, I've dealt with obsessing over my sexuality, then it has shifted to obsessing over my relationships. In my first marriage, I would notice other attractive men and at one point I started to obsess over one man at my church. Eventually it went away but I divorced for other reasons. Fast forward 15 years. I meet my now-husband, but we break up twice while dating. I was terrified. I have learned I do struggle with fearful/avoidant attachment, but I made it through to get married!! But now, the obsessing over other men is happening again. I work with a lot of men. If I notice one who may be handsome, all of a sudden I feel weird sensations in my body, my mind races, and I fear I want to cheat, or wonder if I'd be happier. It has happened with a guy at my church, several coworkers, my husband's best friend...so I know there's a pattern. But as of late, it has gotten worse with one coworker. I have to see him every day. The thoughts are loud. They feel real, like they're how I feel (I like him, he has nice eyes, I love you). I am a Christian, and when I pray about it, it's almost like something inside me says, 'don't fix this, this isn't OCD, I want this guy' blah blah blah. I feel awful, like a whore, like a cheater, like a double-minded person. And I feel so far away from my husband. I've dealt with feeling the need to confess everything early in our relationship. I've gotten better at not doing that, but I feel like I carry this private pain that no one understands. It really hurts. I guess I just needed to vent and let this out. Sometimes it feels so lonely. I feel crazy. I'm in my 50s, I have a full time job, I take care of my home, yet I feel paralyzed by this sometimes. Thanks for reading.
- Date posted
- 21w
I’m a good man and I know that. My OCD revolves around relationships. While dating someone a truly enjoy, I find myself needing to compulse everything on my mind or else I feel like I’m being a liar or keeping secrets. I also am pretty confident I suffer from false memory ocd. I don’t like to put a label on things but I’m 99.9% sure I do. My compulsions a lot of times come from things I’m not even sure are real. The more thought I put into them, the more I start to believe they are real. One of the worst compulsions I had in my relationship was I had a thought “what if I find my ex more attractive” and “what if I thought the sex with them was better”. I ended up compulsing these things to my gf. After lots of time to think and get a ahold of myself I was able to remind myself that these things weren’t true and I was just in a downward spiral. There was a 2-3 month period where every time I was relieved of something then I would instantly think of something else. These compulsions have caused insecurity in my gf and I feel like a terrible person. Never meant to hurt her at all and was just trying to find a sense of relief. While I know it is not true, I can’t fix things with words and I feel terrible. I would love to hear from people with tricks and strategies that can help. I love my gf and want to fix things and understand this is not a relationship fixer app but I would like to know what are some ways you are able to deal with these kind of things.
- Date posted
- 16w
I don’t know where to begin, this is going to be very long. But whoever responds I appreciate you dearly. I’m 20 years old, I’ve dealt with a lot in my childhood with abandonment and insecurity issues from my family. Aswell of not having a role model of a healthy relationship shown to me as a child. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years, my first healthy relationship. Last year I discovered OCD (I am diagnosed but I ignored my mental health as a teenager like anybody would) I started to get these feelings that I don’t love my partner/he’s not attractive enough/ etc etc. I’ve discovered that it’s ROCD. I made threads on Reddit asking for advice googling for reassurance, all the things as one would do with ocd (as I’m doing now!) One day I woke up and that theme was gone, I felt normal in my relationship for about 4 months with no terrible thoughts. As of about 2-3 months ago, my theme switched. Now I have a fear he doesn’t love me, he’s cheating, he doesn’t want to marry me. It has utterly consumed me (just like my last theme!) I check his phone an unhealthy amount (guess what I never find anything!) He always lets me go through his phone, but as anyone would he gets annoyed and frustrated. I always am searching for signs if he’s acting weird, will get into arguments 24/7 because my brain keeps telling me he’s cheating, I get fake scenarios in my brain, hell I even bought Snapchat+ to stalk his snap score. But ever single time I find nothing. A lot of things trigger me and I over analyze everything, phone calls who his texting. When I do search his phone I check his EMAIL because of how paranoid I am. When I see things on social media about people cheating I SPIRALLLL But what really triggered me was this scenario, his family loves to joke around with me and mess with him at the same time, especially with our relationship, saying I have a leash on him etc etc making jokes (which I can take but when I’m in an ocd spiral and they have no idea something’s are triggering) anyways, we were out to lunch and his mother texts him “are u at some girls house” he told me straight away then responded “why would u say that” then she proceeded to say she’s messing around with him. And sent a picture of me and said I’m with Hailey at lunch, then they had a normal conversation after. Obviously this sent me into a spiral, it still bothers me. I was so upset and anxious, when we got back to his house I went through that man’s phone like it was my only job in the world. And I search EVERYTHING not one thing goes untouched. (I sound insane) anyways we went back to his place, then he called his mom to come in his room and asked why she said that, she felt guilty and said she was messing around she had her hands in her head (mind you she’s been drinking probably just messing around with him when she texted that) she told me not to worry ever about that kind of stuff because her son is not that type of man, she proceeded to leave the room then texted me about how sorry she was and didn’t mean to freak me out and felt like shit about it. Ever since then she’s been acting kind of weird towards me (not really) maybe she’s uncomfortable or there’s another women idk LOL. Anyways yea what the hell do I do I literally can’t function properly.
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