I just need an opinion on this.. please don’t get upset…

It’s hard to see them as ocd since I’ve been going thru this for so long… 😞 how can I just see them as random thoughts and false feelings? They just don’t feel like ocd…

@Mandy7710 I'm sorry, this thing is crap isn't it? But you're stronger than you think! The idea is, the more you treat them as irrelevant the less bothersome they'll become. It will be very hard at first, but if you persevere it will get easier. Hang in there.

It like my mind is numb and I just can’t feel anything… I only feel negativity… I know she was trying to help… it’s like the thoughts are calmer than they were before… that isn’t helping… it’s like ROCD isn’t there and I am just denying it… I just can’t take this anymore… but I don’t want to leave him. I choose to stay and choose to love him.. why isn’t that enough?… I know he isn’t perfect either and like his flaws bother me more than they ever did… I use to be so close to him… I just want it back… I wanted to start seeking help when my partner and I move into my sister’s new home at the end of next month. I wrote another post before this about my friend’s husband getting angry and it’s causing my partner and I a huge amount of stress. But yeah…. This isn’t just about my partner. It’s about this friend and husband too. For years they always seemed to get annoyed that my partner doesn’t like to go anywhere or wanna hang out. They try to push him to do things he doesn’t want to do. I always defended my partner by saying he needs to do things at his own pace and should only truly want to do something if he feels it’s right for him. My friend’s husband is annoyed with my partner bc he likes to stay in our room when he gets home from and how he is willing to play games with his childhood friend by the way which this friend hates or how he goes over to his other friends house to just chill for a few hours. The thing is my partner wants to hang out with him but it’s either he is too busy or he is out with his other friends. My partner thinks of him as his best friend but now this friend doesn’t think the same just bc he doesn’t make the first move! This guy doesn’t even talk to my partner about this and if he told him my partner would listen to what he has to say. For years! Everyone be littler him and I am sick of it! He already has confident issues already with what people think of him. My friend even realized all the things she use to say about him probably never helped my ROCD and realized she did some damage to me too all theses years. She apologized to me about it. But she even said her husband isn’t upset about this but why bring this whole conversation up asking about how my partner feels about her husband!? Don’t get me wrong I am very thankful to my friend for everything she’s ever done for me and I always made up for her helping me. But I told her if something is bothering her husband this much then he needs to talk to my partner instead of holding a grudges for something this freaking stupid. But she said he won’t. I told her until her husband talks to my partner about this then there is not much to be said. Of course her husband is stressed about other things which is causing him to be depressed. My partner is depressed too but you don’t see him getting so angry you feel a huge amount of tension. I know my ROCD being bad this year doesn’t help but that’s why I stay away from them.

Thank you so very much for all this. All of you! I know I’m not alone in this. I am truly thankful for everything you and everyone on here wrote. Life hasn’t been very kindly lately. Right now I am trying my best to ignore things that pop up. After the holidays are thru I will definitely start treatment. I just don’t wanna deal with this pain anymore. I know deep down I still love him a lot it’s just difficult with all the stress that likes to appear randomly.

@Mandy7710 Treatment will get you your life back. Hold onto that!

@Lotte93 I hope so. I get triggered to by my partner when he gets upset over things. Right Now I am triggered

I’m just getting this huge feel I know my answer…. 😞

I can’t tell anymore… it’s like I accepted that I don’t love him anymore.. 😞 I am numbed out hopefully…. I don’t wanna end it…

@Mandy7710 That's exactly rocd! You don't have to end it if you don't want to!! You can choose to stay, and fight your ocd. So STOP checking your feelings. STOP answering the doubts; even If you "feel" the answer. Stop looking for rassicuration. Allow yourself to feel anxious, that isn't an answer. DON'T TRY to force yourself into feeling something that you aren't feeling. Things will change if you do that! Your real feelings will return, and there will not be anymore fear/guilt/sadness! But you have to follow those things!

@eoid 100%!

@eoid But… what if it really is bc we are compatible!? I read on Reddit someone’s post that… ROCD can stem from real issues and can show up less while being with someone in the future. I know my ROCD has been with me before any issues cropped up but what if it’s true and I just don’t wanna face it!? The intrusive thoughts don’t appear as often and it’s like I’m calmer…