The obsessive thoughts. It's THEIR fault. Because of them, I don't experience happiness and this has changed my relationship. It wouldn't be like this now if I didn't have them. I hate them so much... I can't change how it has been affected my relationship. WHY ME? WHY HIM?

Hey, it's okay. I have been there! But it's important to know that IT IS NOT THE PRESENCE OF DOUBTS THAT MAKE YOUR LIFE HARDER. IT IS HOW YOU MANAGE THEM, THAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE! It will surprise you; telling that EVERYONE at some point have thoose doubts. But most of the people don't gave importance to them, they are not bothered or scared. They simply allow to be there; and don't give them any importance. For us it's a little different. We don't want the negative answer, and we are really scared by the possibility it could be. So we keep ruminating, answering, rationalising, trying to find evidence/rassicurations... and that give importance to the doubt. This also "kills" your real feelings and lead to apathy or anxiety! It is not simple. It needs a lot of patience and consistency. But when you learn how to recognise and how to deal with those intrusive thoughts, things will return great again! (And there are a lot of possibilities that you can try and that can help you!! Like therapy, meditations, erp, mindfulness, cbt, even taking a cat helped me haha...)

But try to think positively! This healing journey could be really really useful to became a better and happier person! Once you start to recognise your doubts, you will start to see also the wrong beliefs/fears/mechanisms that you have, that subconsciously feed your doubts! You will be able to understand better yourself, and to change the wrong (conscious or unconscious) behaviours to have an healthier and happier relationship!!!

wow thank you for your response, it makes me reflect on many things 🥺

Also recognize to give yourself the same compassion youbto somebody suffering from a broken arm, just because your struggles can't be seen doesn't mean you don't deserve that same compassion. Know that this mental struggle is called the doubting disease. So please be kind to yourself. And while you fight this battle the healing line isn't a straight path it will have its falters and divots, be proud of yourself for all progress, and don't be hard on yourself if you take three steps forward and two back because it is a hard process.

wow thank you