I know I shouldn’t avoid doing things, but lately I don’t have the energy to do any religious activity. I avoid praying, reading religious articles or the Bible. If I pray, I start to have doubts “does God exist? Do you truly believe? Aren’t you an atheist?” or some sentences “God isn’t real; You’re a fool for believing; You shouldn’t be praying if you’re thinking this or that.” I miss doing these things, but I’m just afraid to start all the thoughts again. I know I’m hiding.

RELIGIOUS I’m scared of God and I’m keeping a safe distance. I’m not leaving him completely I’m just talking to him from far away. If I get too close to him I’ll end up getting hurt. Just because I’m scared of him doesn’t mean I don’t love him either. I want to talk to him but ocd is saying I can’t because I’ve done too many problematic things and he’s judging me for it. So I’m avoiding praying as much as I can. This is painful. I really wish I would’ve come to find God when I was older and I wouldn’t have to question everything he did. I’d just go along with it because I would understand that I have to. Ocd really just fucks Up the idea of God. Completely. It says he’s sending me to hell anyway despite me believing he died and is coming back. It says hes sending me to hell because I’m too problematic. And it says he’s ignoring my prayers because he’s pissed with me. I want Gods attention but not that much attention because then he will see it as a chance to hurt me and call it “ a test of faith.” I even prayed to Mary and asked her to tell God what I need to tell him. Idk how praying to Mary works but I just trusted she told him. I sound so stupid but I’m lost and I just want to leave this alone until I need it. Because this isn’t healthy but I’m scared to make it healthy

I keep having this reoccurring feeling that I don’t actually believe in god. Sometimes I feel numb towards. I’ve just deal with so much because of religious ocd and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want this feeling though. And I’m worried it’s real and that it means something. It’s like I worry that I don’t actually believe in god because I’m not freaking out about going to hell anymore. I wish I had my old relationship with Jesus back.

it’s been getting really hard to pray. like the thoughts are constant. i can’t concentrate, and it’s just tiring. i feel like a failure to God sometimes. I know that’s not true but still. Not to mention that praying is a compulsion of mine and i do it a lot so i’m just stressed out all the time. I feel bad if i don’t pray over the littlest things. because ik my prayer can make a big impact. i’ve had ocd for years, so none of this is new but it’s like coming at full force. how am i supposed to have a relationship with God if my prayer life isn’t doing well?