I know I shouldn’t avoid doing things, but lately I don’t have the energy to do any religious activity. I avoid praying, reading religious articles or the Bible. If I pray, I start to have doubts “does God exist? Do you truly believe? Aren’t you an atheist?” or some sentences “God isn’t real; You’re a fool for believing; You shouldn’t be praying if you’re thinking this or that.” I miss doing these things, but I’m just afraid to start all the thoughts again. I know I’m hiding.

I'm religious, so anyone else who is religious I need to know if this happens to y'all. When I read the Bible, which I want to do twice a day, I feel like I have to reread and reread stuff bc if I didn't comprehend it properly, something bad would happen, or my fears would come true. I also have intrusive thoughts that come into my head about what I'm reading and the thoughts will say something bad about the Bible or about God, and it's like I know God knows I didn't say it but I have to "undo" the thought by getting up out of my seat completely, and saying something that "undoes" it then I can sit back down and read. Sometimes I also shake my head or hit myself in the head trying to rid of the thought. And say "no, no, of course not" and stuff like that trying to undo the thought that intruded...

I can tell I'm avoiding my triggers. Im isolating myself from my friends, I'm only watching specific shows, I dont want to go outside, I dont want to see anyone. Its gotten to the point where I've asked for no intimacy with my boyfriend. We were getting intimate a few nights ago and I had an intense intrusive thought paste itself to my awareness and nothing I could do would make it stop and I had to ask him for space. My heart started pounding and my breathing got quicker. And now I'm afraid it will happen again. I can't stand the idea that I'd have these thoughts while being intimate with my boyfriend, it makes me feel disgusting and I feel bad that he has to date somene like me. I dont know how to face this. I just want to hide. I want to curl up and sleep for the rest of my life. I feel like its over for me idk

I am so consumed with not knowing God anymore. I feel so disconnected from God. I feel I don’t sense Him anymore or understand my belief which is really weird and freaking me out bc before my daughter, my belief was so strong and I understood now it’s all that has disappeared. I feel doomed to not know that part of me and it feels hopeless. I just don’t understand how I’m this way with being a mother or a believer anymore. I look at my kids and I don’t even know who they are or me anymore. I get so lost with this life I’m living and it def doesn’t seem like I’m really truly here anymore.