Hey everyone. I have been struggling with HOCD for about a month and a half now and recently for the first time had two days where I felt a bit of relief. I was able to quiet my intrusive thoughts and remember that they are simply not who I am at all, and it felt so great to feel like myself again. However, I am struggling with constant intrusive thoughts again today and everything seems to be triggering me. I keep trying to remind myself that thoughts do not equal reality, but it is so much harder than it was the other day and all I want is to go back to feeling like myself. Also, I think the most distressing thing for me right now is the fact that, as a straight woman who has always been boy crazy, these HOCD thoughts have caused me to feel like I’m losing attraction to men, including the guy I like. Any tips/words of wisdom and encouragement would be greatly appreciated so I can work on healing my relationship with my thoughts and go back to feeling the attraction to men that I have always naturally had and loved.

Hello! Do you have any experience with HOCD?

@cf05 I’m starting to believe it’s all just a lie and that I’m bisexual.

@lennygirl I’m not sure what to do. I’ve tried ERP twice but I can never actually do it. I’m lost, and I feel like I’m the exception.

@lennygirl That’s what my worry has been, but I am trying to hang onto the fact that I would not feel so distressed and ashamed if that attraction was something I truly wanted

@lennygirl How have you tried it? I have not started yet but am supposed to be starting this week

I hate when people write something like this. It always feel like they're trying to bait me into private and take advantage of me

My problem is that these thoughts came out of the blue and completely go against what I value. I know trying to disprove thoughts only makes them worse, but I am disgusted by the way they make me feel, so I cannot seem to figure out what else to do.

@cf05 You just got to accept that your identity is uncertain and unknownable

How do you carry on and interact with family members without feeling like you are faking not having thoughts? This is all new to me and the hardest part is not feeling like myself at all but trying to get back to that

Is yours on and off? And when it’s “off” is it still sort of there but it’s just not giving you anxiety

@cf05 At first it was hard interacting with others because I felt so weird about having the thoughts. Eventually I learned to let interaction serve as a bit of a distraction. I was able to say “I’m not gonna think about this right now I’m going to hang out with my friends” and it helped a lot with holding off on ruminating and limiting how much I was interacting with my thoughts.

@lennygirl I’m not sure if you meant that comment for me but yes. It’s pretty much always on but in those past couple days where it wasn’t as bad the thoughts were still in the back of my mind but it was so easy to remind myself that they were not true

@lennygirl Mines is on and off. When it is “off” I feel mostly fine. I still notice the intrusive thoughts or feelings, but yeah I don’t get anxiety about it. I can just kind of move on with my life. Even if I do feel anxiety it’s not a lot.

@stop. Mine can be “off” for months at a time. I feel like that’s not very normal for OCD.

@stop. Also, are you a girl? And how old are you?

@lennygirl I am a girl and I’m 19. You can’t really worry about what’s “normal” we all experience OCD differently. I’ve been “off” for almost a year before.

@stop. You have other obsessions, though. This is my only one, and it started at TWELVE. that’s way too young!

@stop. I’m a girl and I’m 19 too. I have signed up for ERP therapy but have not started yet and am scared that it is going to bring to light the fact that my thoughts are true. , I have only had past relationships with guys and only want that in the future, but these thoughts make it hard to remember any of the rational parts of my past. Have you ever dealt with this and how did you overcome hesitation when seeking treatment?

@lennygirl And that is perfectly okay. Your OCD wants you to think that it means something but it doesn’t. Many people have one theme. Most people start to experience OCD sometime in their adolescence anyway. You can’t give this meaning and let it scare you.

@cf05 You really just have to accept the uncertainty that treatment might uncover something. It’s scary, but would you rather be free from your thoughts and possibly realize something or stay trapped and confused?

@stop. It terrifies me, because why does THIS have to be my one theme? It makes it seem like a sexuality crisis rather than OCD.

@lennygirl That’s my problem too. This is my only theme at the moment and is absolutely killing me because it seems so much more real than all the others. It’s making me afraid that I don’t know who I am and that I’ll never be happy again the way I was two months aho

@cf05 Can’t you see though? You’ve had other themes. That means it’s really, actually OCD. you’re also older, and yog e had boyfriends that you’ve loved in the past. do you even have signs from childhood that point to being gay ?

@lennygirl Pause. That is not true. You don’t have to have multiple themes for it to be OCD. OCD is OCD no matter how many themes. Age doesn’t matter either. You are invalidating yourself because your OCD is looking for reasons as to why it’s not. None of that matters.