- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! When I first started on ERP/therapy back in late September, it would trigger the heck out of me. After doing ERP for almost 3 months, it still triggers me, but it went from a 7-9 to 1 or even 0 now. However, that doesn’t mean that I no longer have intrusive thoughts after seeing/hearing those words.
- Date posted
- 3y
Did you ever worry during ERP that you would find out that your thoughts are true? I just started therapy and got my first exposures assigned to me today and am terrified that they will validate my intrusive thoughts.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 Honestly when I first jumped to ERP, I didn’t knew what it was. I literally got a therapist 2 days after I found out what I was experiencing (even though I’ve experienced my first two flares last year). Because I didn’t knew what I was experiencing, besides the fear of women / being a lesbian, the flares didn’t lasted long and I even forgot about it! Starting ERP was a challenge and I didn’t expected it, I was just hoping to get rid of the anxiety.. which it did over time. I’m not going to lie, every now and then, I do regret starting therapy for many reasons but I won’t get to it. However, ERP is a really good tool to help prevent other themes from popping up. I was doing ERP completely wrong for the first month.. which made my theme worst I feel, so it lead to feeling confused even though I know what I identify as. However, it can’t validate your intrusive thoughts as long as you stick with your values. Only you know you the best. ERP will definitely help you control your intrusive thoughts more, don’t be afraid :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@WhyMe? Do you feel any relief from your symptoms now? I am so scared that I’ll never get past this and will never be able to find a guy and be happy and in love again.
- Date posted
- 3y
@WhyMe? Sorry to bombard you with so many questions, I am just new to all of this and it helps to hear from someone who has a bit of experience.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 No worries! Going in, you have to accept that everyone has a different experience. For example, how long one stays in therapy, how long till they find relief and etc. I was also where you were so I understand, I was scared that I’ll forever have these thoughts and feelings threatening my identity and my relationship with my now fiancé. But we have to accept that OCD is chronic & overtime we learn how to make those voices into background noises. Like I mentioned, my anxiety has improved. Maybe thru habituation or ERP, I can’t tell but I’m ok with it. However, you’re going to have to accept the uncertainty that we’re never going to 100% know what we identify as and be ok with it. It’s a hard pill to swallow.. I’m still working with it. Just be confidence on your identity going into this because it’ll make you feel confused or even in denial. You’re going to have to fight for what you identify as, follow your heart because our minds are “stupid”. It’s going to take practice, I’m still working on it!
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah it triggers me rii
- Date posted
- 3y
I meant too
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes. We’re in the same boat. 😞
- Date posted
- 3y
Mmmhm
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Anything related to relationships triggers me, regardless of the orientation. You've got this!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
For me it was a weird intrusive thought and after that I slowly started developing anxiety and I felt a weird thing like I was losing my attraction to girls. Then I woke up one day in complete panic cuz it felt like I had lost feelings for girls suddenly and I started searching online how to know if you’re gay if sexuality changes suddenly and I took some gay tests or sexuality tests online. Chat gpt was a big thing back then too. That was before therapy and before I knew what ocd is.Can anyone relate?
- Date posted
- 11w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 6w
I can't look at 18+ videos, comics, etc. I am straight, but SO-OCD tries to make me think I am not And the thoughts turns to feelings, and makes me scared, uncomfortable, sad, because I know this is not me. And when I try to imagine myself being with the woman on adult videos, and comics, my OCD gives gronal response not at the girl, and it fills me with fear, and anxiety, I always loved, and was attracted to women but I can't and it caused me to be depressed, and I keep ruminating I keep trying to focus on her, but it's so bad that I avoid those all the time now. I am wondering has anyone gone through something like this, or currently is, and wondering how you have done to combat this!
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