TW POCD and Real Event OCD I’m so scared of the past and the what if’s. I’m scared to death of what if the mistake I made a few years ago puts me in the same category as a really bad person like a p or a criminal or something like that which I truly hope it’s not true. I would do anything to go back and change everything knowing what I know now. How could I have been so stupid back then!? Ugh what am I going to do?! I’m terrified! It’s haunting me. I feel like my past is suffocating me. I just don’t know and it frustrates me because I don’t think I will ever know. I just want someone to tell me I’m not but I don’t think it matters at this point. I’m always going to be haunted by my stupid choices in the past when I was a teenager when will I ever let this go 💔

I would NEVER make the same mistake again. I’ve most definitely learned from it. I regret it with a passion

I’m scared because of what i did does it make me a horrible person or put me a category like I said above. I really hope not. But I feel so ashamed of myself

@Just Breathe ❤️ I feel like it's innopropriate to ask what you did -- but I believe that almost every bad action can be rectified throughout life. Help people. It will make you feel good.

@Anonymous Long story short when I was a teenager I had a weird tickling fetish (don’t ask why I have no idea) and I was only in it for the fetish that’s it. Unfortunately masturbation was apart of it which makes it that much worse. Anyways I was only in it for the stupid fetish. I would go on ifunny and look up things that had to do with the fetish only I never looked anything else up on purpose ever and never would but I would come across things that I shouldn’t have and because the m word was apart of it I’m scared to death of the what if’s. I want to be free. Keep in mind at the time I had no idea what I was doing was wrong. It didn’t even cross my mind. So now I’m dealing with it because I have ocd and it won’t let me let it go. It’s been haunting me for so long and I’m terrified what if I’m a monster or a really bad person because of this. I would do anything to go back and make sure it would never happen knowing what I know now because it never would have if I knew then how bad it could of been

@Anonymous I told my first therapist through NOCD about it but I can’t remember what she told me. I’ve told my mom about it and my dad before he passed. They told me to let it go but for some reason I can’t shake the fact that I did that. It was stupid.

@Just Breathe ❤️ Sounds like renumeration! Recognize the OCD habit.

@Anonymous What’s that? You mean rumination?

@Just Breathe ❤️ Renumeration= overthinking and indulging in an intrustige or upsetting thought!

@Anonymous But it’s a real event it actually happened. It’s very upsetting but it’s a real thing. If it was an intrusive thought I would be so much better but it’s not

@Just Breathe ❤️ You can still remunerated about a real event!

@Anonymous It just hurts. You don’t think I’m a bad person because of what I did? Do you think I’m in trouble? I’m scared to death. I just wish I wasn’t so stupid back then. I should have known better