- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey! I’m on the same page. Two weeks ago I finally had a meeting with a therapist and I talked about the thoughts and doubts. It was the first time I mentioned them out loud - I was scared and filled with shame. Let me tell you that since then I’ve been feeling much better and relieved. I really hope your meeting brings you some relief. Besides, I just wanted to say that you’re not alone. Wishing you the best! If you need to talk, I’m here 😊
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi!! Thank you so much. I literally don’t know where these thoughts came from but they are making me feel like I can’t even recognize myself when I look in the mirror:( I fully support those who are gay but it just isn’t for me, so the fact that I am having these thoughts all of the sudden is making me feel like I’m going absolutely insane. I am so afraid of becoming something/someone that I do not want to be. Have you dealt with this at all and how have you made the thoughts quiet down?
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve just started therapy (I had only three meetings), so I haven’t dealt at all. It distresses me every day. What has helped me is trying to do some exposure - I’m trying by myself, following some tips I found here. It’s hard, but I can see the benefits. I don’t know what triggers you, but I will tell you a little about mine and maybe you can relate to something. For example, I like to watch videos about books. Every time a YouTuber mentioned the word gay/homossexual, I would just skip that part. I’ve stopped doing that. I listen every word, even though I won’t read the book (I’m actually preparing to read one that has a bisexual character just as an exposure, but I’m not ready yet). Besides, I’m trying to mention something during a conversation that relates to homosexuality and actually hearing the word without panicking. When I’m feeling more confident, I try to embrace the thought and actually think the ultimate result: me being a lesbian or bisexual. It’s funny that when I give the thought the “motivation”, it usually fades away, because I stop seeing it as a threat. I don’t if this can help you at all. But I hope it does. ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
I appreciate that, thank you so much! I guess what I struggle with the most is that I do not want the thoughts to be true at all so I know it will be difficult to try to accept the fact that they can be there and not mean anything
- Date posted
- 3y
I know the feeling. In the beginning accepting them in your mind is hard, but it gets easier. Try to focus that you don’t want to accomplish any of them and that’s enough.
- Date posted
- 3y
Do you ever get scared that accepting them means they will come true and that you will never get your old self back? That part of the anxiety is crippling to me.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes, all the time!! I was just thinking about that. When I try to be cool with them, I instantly think about this. But it’s a pattern, you know? So when I get this feeling and this thought (and everything else, like a groinal - which is the worst for me), I see that they’re just part of the ocd pattern. It doesn’t mean I stop feeling distressed, to be honest.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 20w
Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.
- Date posted
- 14w
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
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