TW. So I had a really hard night last night. Well I guess technically it’s early this morning. I posted about it well actually I commented about it on a post I made like the other day it’s hard to explain. But I went crazy in the comment section of one of my own posts. The previous night I had taken a full dose of Tylenol p.m. which is two tablets woke up saying something that really mess with me saying I like something that I don’t and I just snowballed from there. I had my mom yell at me twice about her being able to hear me. I don’t understand how parents are so arrogant and deluded sometimes. She’s like you go to the bathroom and you do it deliberately so I can hear you I’m like no mom I went to the bathroom because I had to use the restroom and I was still having bad thoughts those two things can happen at the same time you know. It’s like what is it with parents and having like persecution complex is or something like they think their kids do everything to the annoy them it’s just humorous the amount of arrogance parents actually have. And then the genius is wonder where their kids get it from 🙄 But I’m not here to bitch about parent child relationships. That’s probably a different post lol. After I had my bad episode I was trying to calm down trying to just get some amount of sleep so I took a shot of tequila. It had been like anywhere from 4 to 5 hours since I had taken the Tylenol p.m. so I thought it was OK. And admittedly the shots kind of big the glass I mean so it’s probably maybe either a shot or a shot and a half like just judging by the size of the glass I don’t drink alcohol I’ll let much so I wouldn’t be able to accurately say but it was a hefty amount. And so I start to feel the effects and calm down but then I thought of hanging boobs pointy ones and I know I don’t like those. And the other thoughts I’m struggling with in my comment section on the previous post I made it’s still haunting me. And I’m scared I kept thinking nothing anything is sex with in a pair of boobs and I keep saying anything sexier than a pair of hot boots or not hot and I keep thinking of women I’m scared I am I don’t wanna start having a type of developing a thing I don’t have any kind of desire for girls whatsoever like none. And I said nothing anything sexier than that and the thing is I know I like dick and I’m scared I do and that means I don’t want the same sex I don’t want both sexes I know my love for my guys there but I didn’t act like he is and I feel funny because I don’t want more muscle I want my guy and I know he’s there and I don’t want boobs but it’s just for me to I kept smiling saying nothing anything sexier than women and I thought was thinking of their bodies saying nothing and it’s the way I was smiling though scaring me and I’m scared I was basically smiling like a dude and I’m frightened something was happening down there I don’t know if there was no like throbbing there was no swelling but I’m scared of the way I’m smiling I was scared I was feeling like that if you know what I mean and I’m scared that means that I am but I’m not bisexual and I was frightened that I was starting to get like wet like women are but they’re not sexy and when I was finally able to get home and check myself basically nothing was going on. I just don’t like the way I was smiling like a guy women are not sexier than men women are not sexy to me in that capacity at all let alone than the opposite sex. Does anybody think that me combining sleeping pills and tequila might be Contributing to my like facial expressions and shit in a weird mood I’m having? I’m very frightened I don’t like the way you’re smiling over women say nothing when anything is hotter sexier than that women naked or not my thing and I’m starting to feel funny they’re not sexy! OK back to parents being total fucking jack asses. I’m in the kitchen in my apartment. My apartment is like 1200 ft.² it is not small. It’s like. starter home so it’s not like huge or anything but it’s definitely not the typical small apartment. So I’m in my kitchen around the corner from the hallway and my mom‘s room is at the end of the hallway. And I’m not shouting I’m not yelling. I’m speaking either at a moderate voice or lower than that and so I’m using talk to text to post this because I’m just tired and I don’t have the energy to type that stuff. And I’m scared I don’t wanna change into bisexuality I don’t fucking care if it’s not wrong but that’s not the point I’m talking and I would think that it’s probably a normal level and my mom says from her room in the most obnoxious passive aggressive little sing song tone “Catlin I can hear you” I’m not even shouting so why do parents enjoy putting their kids down why do parents crave power dominance and control? Like are they really that feeble? As I feel like only feeble people want that over anyone other than themselves. But it’s like I’m not right outside her door I should be able to talk about stuff without her being such a bitch Anyway I would really appreciate some input but I wouldn’t be surprised if no one comments. I know my stuff is overwhelming