Hi. I would love an opinion: Me and my bf, have a really similar personalities and intrest. We get along really well. The difference came out from the fact that I have an anxious attachment (= giving priority and attentions to express my love. I would love to spend all my days with him) but he is avoidant! (=super independent, prefers to do things alone, fears being "strict" in a relationship; have a lot of females friends, ready to take my place). I get really hurt by some behaviours of him, but that he do without giving them the same meaning that I see and that hurts me. He want to solve the problems. But all of that make me question myself: would be better finding someone more compatible with me (I mean, someone that gives to attentions and time spent togheter, the same importance that I give? I would prefer it, I don't want to keep being hurt... but I don't want to broke up with him either... what should I do?? Is that still rocd?

Relationship OCD

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

Just because the other women in his life would easily take your place does not mean he himself would replace you with any of them. And has he been diagnosed with avoidant attachment disorder if that’s a disorder but has he been diagnosed properly or are you diagnosing him? He may naturally be a bit of a loner personally I find loaners much more attractive than men who run in groups especially large ones 🤷🏼‍♀️

k-low

Date posted: 3y

I had a similar problem when I started dating my current bf. I would get really anxious and sad when he didn't reply or we didn't see another. But I don't have that anymore and I've learned to give him space and be okay with that. It's a process. I think if you communicate it well with him by telling him how you feel you will come a long way. I think breaking up just because not every aspect is perfect isn't going to make you happy in the long run, no one is perfect and no one will be the perfect partner for you. But with that said, if you truly feel unhappy and have tried everyhting then it's your decision to see if that's what you want. If he's not treating you with respect and compassion then you deserve better 😊

Redyroo

Date posted: 3y

I also feel when you have anxious attachment you are also likely to have low self esteem and codependency issues, they all function together to make you an anxious mess who is also clingy. Who knows this might not be you but I know when I an feeling extra insecure in myskef it’s when I want him more. The thing is, your partner ir relationship will never make you fully happy and this is the mantra i’m going ti live by now. Imagine hiw you would he without him? How would you cope? If you feel you couldn’t you need to start being more independent

Saraa

Date posted: 3y

Hi! I don't think I have a low self esteem problem, also because I know without him I wouldn't have problems to find a new bf, or even to stay by myself. I simply don't like and don't want the idea of loosing him. I feel really good about who I am/become; I would define myself pretty, I like how I look etc. I have a lot of confidence too! But thinking about him, some of his behaviour make me feels like if i'm no one for him, and that probably make me question my values and my self esteem... is that possible? And most important, in that case, should I do something about being confident "even if he does that" or should he stop doing thoose behaviours? (There's no abuse, phisical or insults, sometimes he ignores me/gives more attentions to other women etc)

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