It feels like because I think girls are “prettier” that EVERY scenario I try to imagine it would “look” better because of their aesthetic which makes zero sense. Even in regards to sexual stuff and it’s really freaking me out. I DONT CARE ABOUT AESTHETICS OR LOOKS, I DONT CARE IF GIRLS LOOK PRETTIER THEY DONT MAKE ME FEEL GOOD 😭😭

Yeah ofc, I’m just hyper focusing on the female aspect of it rn

@PinkLotus Yeah I get you. I just had the most disgusting thought with an even more concerning reaction. I was wondering if I could share what’s going on in my head right now. I don’t want to make your day worse because you’ve been really nice to me there’s a lot of people here that are nice actually. But I just got yelled at like an hour or so ago by my mom saying all your OCD is fake and she’s throwing everything in my face she’s one of those people that when she’s mad at you she’ll throw your mistakes in your face at least she does that to me. And I was just I really need someone to talk to and I’m scared because it’s probably really fucking triggering and it’s long simply because a lot of my entries are like an hour and a half two hours apart you know so it’s like something that’s going on like throughout the day. But I really need some help and I feel bad for bugging people I feel like I bother people here and I don’t want to

@PinkLotus Um…hello? Is that a no? It’s cool if it is but I’m kinda dying over here 😓

@Bookworm91 No it’s okay! Of course you can vent, I just went to play video games with some friends

@PinkLotus Oh ok thanks

@Bookworm91 Sorry I’m going to respond as soon as we stop playing

@Bookworm91 You definitely don’t bother and I’m truly sorry your mom said something so cruel to you. She doesn’t determine what you do or don’t have, if you didn’t have it you wouldn’t have these crippling thoughts and obsessions all day long. Hang in there ❤️

@PinkLotus I absolutely HATE doing this. But I’m desperate. So very desperate TW Why can’t I have peace!? I imagine flirting with my guy and saying I’m not gonna look on your phone I will not look at a HETEROSEXUAL guys phone and I’m scared there was a strong curiosity my brain like I do and I’m scared it was and I don’t want it to be positive or prove that I am I’m not bisexual I don’t wanna look at boobs. I’m serious proves I am but I don’t wanna gay or bi I don’t want to be changing. Am I? I’m scared of how happy I felt and that curiosity and how it was I don’t want it to be positive anymore I’ve seen boobs plenty I don’t like it and I don’t want that to change! And I’m like why am I feeling like that in the back of my head I know I don’t like girls they’re not pretty in that capacity and I don’t like boobs that I’m scared they are I don’t like the ring around the nipples I don’t like boobs I don’t want them to become something positive! I don’t like the way to stick out I don’t wanna do what guys and babies do! I’m scared I must be and I said nothing wrong with that I’m not bisexual I don’t give a damn with her or not there’s nothing wrong with it I said I don’t care about liking but I like boys not both I don’t have boobs to be a thing for me so why did I feel like that when I was imagining flirting with him I’m scared that it wasn’t sure when I said that I don’t I’m scared that positive I don’t want to be positive I’m scared I am shifting and I do I don’t wanna look at boobs I don’t want to be a positive curiosity I’m scared because I need myself looking naked women along time ago and I called them but they’re not hot I’m scared approved but I don’t wanna be bisexual I keep saying I can help if I want to want to be by I want boys not boobs and I said that but that they’re but they’re not better boys are I’m scared I said I finally but I don’t feel like it I don’t want to understand what guys feel about boobs and I keep doing this motion with my hand like I do I act like I welcome I don’t welcome it I don’t want the warm weight of boobs in my hand or my mouth I don’t want boobs I hate this so much I’m really scared it’s real but I do wanna keep nodding deeply boys are better I don’t like boobs and I just get a mask but I don’t want except I’m not bisexual I don’t like boobs what’s going on I hope this has something to do with a muscle relaxer I took Flexeril and I have a shot of tequila less than half a shot but still I’m scared it’s really serious and I’m done I am I don’t want to be in and out I said I want to but I don’t wanna live that life I’m not bisexual I don’t wanna be me if that’s what it is I’m not bisexual

Yup it’s just the worst