Does anyone with HOCD feel like every little think they do adds to their 'evidence' pile? Like from the way you walk and talk to the things you like doing. Like I'm literally looking at the way I'm typing on my keyboard to write this message and thinking ("that looks really gay") I've always typed like this and thought nothing of it and now it's like all these little things have to define me. And I'm sitting her and I AM STILL SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO WOMEN and ROMANTICALLY but it feels like it's just a lie or dead inside. And then I over analyse and think "ah that wasn't actually attraction you just want it to be." When I FaceTime my partner now it just feels like I'm talking to a friend instead of someone I'm in love with. I feel like I've just given up on ever feeling the way I did about her again, I want it, but I can't feel it I don't think I'll ever be to able feel it for any other women only men now IDK?

Have any other experienced mentally going through your past, and finding proof that you once looked at that masculine woman and thought she looked good or something, and now that is a total trigger for you. I mean, i have always been romantacally and saxual into men, and never have i ever wanted to be in a sexual relationship with a girl, that thought is really distressing to me, and actually makes me so sad. But these mentally reviewings has me finding episodes where i have looked at a masculine woman, and found her pretty, attractive or something. But they all looked like men .. and again, i could never see myself being sexual or haven a romantically relationsship with a woman, even thought she look like a man .. Have any other in here find themself in this endless tourturing loop, where you find proof of things … I mean, i have one thousands proofs that im into men, i have been in a relationship for 8 years new, but still these other pictures make me doubt everything about myself, and i am really sad .. Please tell me, that anyone else in here have experienced this, and know that it is normal for HOCD ..

Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.

I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.