I really need advice asap. There's this one friend I have and we're really close. We text everyday and have for the past two years. But lately, she's been just... Annoying me. IDK everything she does annoys me. It's probably something on me too, a reflection of myself. While texting and in person. I tell her about my ocd (which, yeah, I talk about a lot) and she changes the subject to her ADHD a lot (not always). She's a lesbian while I'm straight and whenever I try to talk to her about boys she's like BUT GIRLS. She says that she wants to change and create habits and get off her butt but she says she can't and doesn't try (says her ADHD won't let her do it?). She says she wants to be spontaneous and have crazy energy in our last years of high school but she won't go out (I know she isn't an extrovert but she says she wants to be spontaneous but won't do anything unless it's extensively planned in advance.) IDK what to do anymore. I love her a lot but I just am so annoyed with her. It's probably on me, getting annoyed with her. It's kind of like I want better for her but she won't work for it (for example, she got mad at me when I asked (yes, multiple times) to come to church with me and watch me play piano (becuase she wouldn't play piano herself tho I needed her help). She said she would, the night before said hey I need to sleep in and I said okay. The next morning was daylight savings and a short service (kids Sunday) and I was like OH THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A PERFECT DAY FOR YOU TO COME and she went off on me and I felt horrible) I don't know what I should do or how to bring it up to her if I decide to take a break from her or our friendship. Please help asap!? I kind of feel bad for even writing this. It's probably on me.

First off - I’m sorry, I post here a lot. My thoughts are going to be scattered because I have the adhd/ocd/executive dysfunction wombo combo. Im so embarrassed I am THIS neurodivergent. I swear my brain couldn’t pick one struggle and settle with it. I’m not making these diagnoses quirky personality traits by any means, in fact, in this post im venting about how exhausting and embarassed I am living with a brain like this on the daily. I need to hear someone’s advice please. I love hearing everyone’s advice on posts because it’s so useful, and brings me back down to reality. Everyone on here gives advice so tastefully in a way where it doesn’t feed into the self reassurance compulsion, but it’s also been thorough and constructive enough where it’s reminded me to ground myself in a healthy way. I love seeing others helping others, it soothes me. This community has been so kind, and I’m so happy I found it. I wish I could ask more, but I have so many questions I think it’d drive everyone here crazy lol. I am doing erp therapy now, and it’s been teaching me so many amazing techniques. I’ve been making progress. However, I sometimes have my moments of vunerablity. I’ve been experiencing this especially now more than ever because I am going through a breakup. He did it through text after nearly 9 months together. I’d do anything for him and love him through anything, and he broke my heart when I least expected it. I’d make his bed for him multiple times, but I haven’t done that for myself in years. I’d sit with him for hours to watch and do anything he likes, but he’d never do the same and I’d never do the same for me. I’m also at fault because I was too scared to speak up so I let a lot of disrespect slide. Why did my ocd do that? Why does ocd make me people please even when I don’t want to? Why does OCD make me care so much about things that will never effect me (like wanting validation from a random person on the street and hoping they’ll think I’m pretty enough to look at), but then when it comes to my future or positive wellbeing (like focusing on college/doing well in classes/personal hygiene/health), forces me to not care/neglect myself and those needs? I don’t understand it. Ocd makes me think everything’s a setup or a trap. I can never believe that I am fine right where I want to be. Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I even think this much? I care and feel so deeply but it becomes unhealthy so fast because ocd makes me fixate and I stay there for a while. For some reason I let this breakup define my self worth. I let it topple into the ocd fear that I will never make it in life - that I won’t be successful, I’ll never get the career I want, the love I want, or the life I want. My OCD’s version of “logic” isn’t even logical. Yes, I understand how the breakup means feelings of low self worth which will then topple into feeling bad about other things. But why has my brain been wired to think this way? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else to function normally with life but not me? Honestly this is the first time in my life where I’m dedicated to focusing on myself and learning more about myself instead of others in my life and it’s a very odd and bizarre feeling. I’m excited of course, but I’m also scared. My ocd makes me ruminate like “what if I will never make the most of this life I’ve been given”, “what if I truly have no worth and the most I will ever be in other people’s lives is a background character”, “why do I care if I’m a background character or not? I should feel guilty and ignorant for assuming everyone will automatically like me”, “are people lying to me when they call me pretty, smart or kind?”, “I need to look and sound perfect in both pictures, videos and in real life. I will never be satisfied for accepting who I am now”, and a bunch of other annoying questions. But sometimes it’s like I just can’t take the reality for what it is but at the same time, but I also acknowledge that I know this is ocd talking. This is so, so difficult. Do I make any sense with what I’m saying? Can anyone help?

I’ve posted this under a comment before, but if anyone has the time to read it and maybe share their experience or tips with me, I would really appreciate it. This is just kind of the reason why Idk if I only have OCD or if I should get checked for BPD aswell as emotional dependency is (as far as I know) not a common symptom of OCD and neither are excessive changes in emotions/moods. I think the worst part my situation is that one of my biggest and most damaging if not destructive obsessions I developed earlier this year was this constant fear that my friend would lie to me about meeting up with a boy she liked (we are both girls and queer, she didn’t know that about me until recently, but I’ve known that she is and we both sort of crushed on each other). Not just lie, but do it behind my back, keep it a secret, and then maybe even end our friendship without saying anything. And the thing is... that basically happened. Two weeks ago she started acting strange one day out of nowhere, and then I found out (through another friend) that he was coming over to her place. We had already talked about this before, I had cried in front of her and confessed how much it hurt me. I know doing that probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but my emotions completely overwhelmed me in that moment. And even though nothing physical happened between them, it still felt like a betrayal. I’m not saying it was cheating, obviously not, we’re not in a relationship and it is unfair of me to try and tell her who or not to date, but it still hurts. Especially as weeks ago, we already had a detailed conversation about this. She told me she didn’t actually like him that much, and that if they were going to meet again, she’d be honest with me about it. But instead of being honest that day, she said nothing. Worse, she suddenly stopped talking to me, which made me think I had done something wrong so I completely lost my mind. She knows I’m emotionally dependent on her to some extent, so when she goes cold or distant, I spiral. And that day, I saw them talking and going quiet as I walked by, and then she literally turned to walk into a different direction. I don’t know why but it just crushed me. I thought she was mad at me, and I just felt like I was being shut out and lied to. And as I’ve mentioned, later that day, after eight hours of crying, another friend told me what really happened. She even drove me to her place so we could talk. We did talk, but since then, we haven’t had any contact. And it’s driving me absolutely insane. She told me it would be “people-pleasing” if she didn’t try to date him. And I know she’s kind of right, but she still lied to me. She didn’t care if that meant that she would throw away our friendship, or at least she treated it like it was worth less than a potential (!) relationship with a guy who, as far as I know, didn’t even respond when she told him she had feelings for him. It’s honestly devastating. I feel betrayed, discarded, and totally lost and I know I can’t even logically be mad at her as the reason she didn’t tell me is obvious and as a good friend I should just be happy for her, but my emotional side is so much stronger than my logic.

i’ve been seeing the same therapist for over two years now. she does not specialize in ocd and i often find myself too afraid to talk about it with her. it’s not necessarily her fault, but i feel like ive reached a point with her where she feels more like a friend than a therapist. i know that isn’t good and i should not feel that way. she is a very very kind person but i also feel like she doesn’t fully listen to me sometimes. we talk more about our day to day lives with one another rather than anxiety and worries at this point and i feel like i can’t suddenly reverse it? also, i’ve expressed certain thoughts with her that she has laughed at or has not taken very seriously. this has made me really upset in the past and makes me feel awkward and not listened to. i’ve mentioned these moments to friends and they think i should get a new therapist, but i feel so terrible because i am so used to her and i do like her as a person. i don’t really feel like ive been benefiting from therapy with her lately. again, we don’t really talk about ocd or anxiety which are my main issues. i want an ocd therapist so i can actually seek help but i can’t find one in person. i’ve considered doing it through this app but im not a big fan of online therapy as i find it uncomfortable and awkward. i’m willing to try tho. anyone have tips on how to “end things” with my therapist? i’d rather not, but i know i need to prioritize my mental health over making her feel bad. and if anything, im sure she’d understand. i just feel bad