+18 I’m having a really really hard time the past week. For context, this past fall I was googling “scared that I’m gay even though I know I’m not” and it lead me to find out about SOCD. Originally, this gave me a lot of relief. However, since then I’ve been experiencing a terrible episode of fearing that I’m gay and I’m in denial and lying to myself. I think I’ve dealt with this ever since I was 12ish years old because I remember this fear coming up in me and having sleepless nights for so long. I worry that since I’ve had this for so long that I must just be repressing my true sexuality, especially since I’ve had lesbian dreams before. On top of it, I’ve been terrified that maybe I just need to try to be with a woman to figure out if I like it, and then I’m terrified that if I like I’d have to turn my whole world upside down. Even though I’ve never had romantic feelings towards a woman before and I don’t want to be with one. On top of that, I have a wonderful boyfriend who I just want to be happy with because I love him so much. I just want this whiplash of constant doubt and suffering to stop so I can just go about my normal life and enjoy time with my boyfriend who’s the love of my life. I’m just so sad and feel so helpless right now. If anyone has any encouraging words I’d love to hear them.

Thank you for sharing your side as well, so you have fears that you’re straight? Also apologies if anything I said sounded insensitive, it’s just the way my brain is going right now

@Anonymous Yeah I guess

@Hey I'm Sky Ugh I’m sorry you’re having a hard time as well

@Anonymous I'm sorry for you ,and even if I dont know you I will always be here

@Hey I'm Sky Thank you so much, same to you

@Anonymous I cant be helped anymore but thanks

@Hey I'm Sky No I’m sure you can be, please hang in there. It’s so hard but it can absolutely get better ❤️

@Anonymous Wanna maybe be friends?

@Hey I'm Sky I’m happy to! I don’t think I’m ready to share my identity on here though, maybe we can chat here for now?

@Anonymous Oh you dont need to share I will do it

What YouTube video?

@Anonymous https://youtu.be/FcPgAwOKPLA

That makes me feel so much better somehow, although it’s sad we’ve been struggling for so long…I’m having a terrible episode right now and I think part of it is because I have an inital therapy session scheduled in January where I’ll actually be talking to an OCD specialist for the first time and starting ERP…having this intense fear that it’ll tell me I was gay all along…but also kinda knowing that’s not how it works..

@Anonymous You can do this. My therapist today was like you need to be really ready to do ERP if you want to feel better… I’ve been doing little exposures but still relying on reassurance so I know I’m not giving it my all. He told me it would be unethical to treat me if he didn’t think it was ocd but of course that’ll give me relief for like 30 minutes LOL

@Anonymous I’m also engaged to my wonderful fiancé !!!! So I am not going to let this win.

@OCD33 Lol yeah reassurance really only lasts so long…sending you positive vibes though for being brave and working hard to get better! You got this!

@Anonymous You are so brave for getting the help you deserve and need! I’m cheering for you! You will beat ocd.