I have had HOCD, anxiety and depersonalization over a month now. sometimes i just have very weird feeling that i can describe by words. i constantly worried that i may develop schizophrenia or becoming a psychopath sociopath . I have the fear of me killing people going crazy and end up in a mental hospital . i worried that i didnt grew up mentally healthy because in the past i had done so many mistakes that i dont know a normal person would do. When i was in grade nine something happened between me and my friends and then i became a quiet kid even though i used to be a sociable person . in high school i still felt it hard to open up and had a few friends that i can talk to. i think that some time in the past i also had bulimia . i used to lie a lot as i was a kid . i worried that i might always fake my emotions i may not feel that sympathetic or love my family that much. i feel very bad i dont know what to do like i am stuck . sr my english is bad

Hi,im a fourteen years old girl. I live in a homophobic country,and i dont have any experience. I grew up and became homophobic just like my family and my religion.but in 13 year old.i was questioning why lgptq is illegal?while they are just being them and can’t select what they are? So..i became an agnostic or atheist by secret.oh,by addition,before i became atheist i was making sure i don’t like women,like looking at women pics and imagine some romantic or sexual senarios just to find out,(and i wasnt feel anything and didnt like them),and i was happy and comfort for being straight (i was liking fictional men and some actors,within experience except an online male friend i liked but we didn’t date).but after being atheist,its like fire,i start developing HOCD,im not officially have that because I can’t have a therapist,but i have the Symptoms 100%. I didnt know whats hocd ,i find out whats it before a month.when i was struggling with it like 7 months,so,i think it started when i was in very close friendship with a girl in school,i was confused.if i liked her or not,i was imagining,questioning,making scenarios,but i couldnt have an answer,but then i was comfort to keep it just friendship.when the questions about her go,i can see her normally as a friend and i dont think of her or text her every day and it sometimes reaches months in summer holidays and its normally to me,no romantic acts about her,but then i had a new friend to the group and i had the same thoughts and questions to her.and now my brain questioning if i like them both😢.ok.this gone.this is before year,before being atheist.after being.i was questioning “do i like women?” Or when i see a fictional woman,i start to look at her and questioning myself and try to catch any feeling,i swear i would accept myself to be gay or bisexual,but i just can’t feel or accept that..i feel like burn.i cried and cried.it somedays turns so hard that I can’t even study or live normally.i also started to lose my attraction to men.i feel like its gone,I can’t now imagine being a man without getting uncomfortable,i miss the days when i was enjoying imagining kissing and sexing with a man.but,hocd,always reminds me i have no experience,and its all imaginary,so I don’t have a real clue from beginning that im straight.and i also read an girl experience with hocd and she became a lesbian at the end,i get so scary.it feels so real.i just wanna cry forever.im afraid that i will like a girl in the future,it chock me and burns.i hate this feeling.to thr god i dont know or believe in,please,if i like women,just let me feel it normally without this fear and hurting.i dont want to be gay.i dont want to like women.i dont want to be bisexual or lesbian.but if being any of those but comfort without this feeling that makes me wanna suicide.i would accept,please.just please,i even can’t get a therapist,even online,i just want help.please.i dont want to be like those girls that find out they liked women all the time,im scared,i miss my old feelings and trusting.i hate this.i just want to die if its mean hocd to go.i feel like its so real and i will love a girl no way in hell future.i even feel its not wrong to like women,like its much better and more soft that men,but i just can’t.I can’t.i dont know,i did everything.i gave myself permission to find out or explore my attraction to the both genders but it hurts me more.i dont want to get hurts again anymore.just remembering i have no experience or clue i like men even if in past felt like i would like and date a man and liven with him,i keep reminding its all was Based on imagination…even if i was wishing to love a man,hocd ruined this peaceful feeling,i was really find peaceful of loving a man.but now,i don’t feel like before,and this scares me,i don’t know what to do.I can’t have a therapist,and dont even know how to get better,,,

I feel like I'm lying to myself, like I just don't accept that I'm gay, I don't want to be gay, I don't want to feel any kind of attraction anymore, I want to go to a psychologist to find out if I really have hocd or if it's just an excuse, because it feels like I really am gay, but nothing was authentic, it all started with thoughts that made me panic extremely hard and I felt like crying and I had delusions, I don't understand why this is happening to me, I didn't like any boys before the thoughts appeared, but exactly one day after they appeared, all the boys were attractive, of all ages, I want to recover :( I'm only 17 years old, for about 2 months I've been having thoughts, I don't know what to do, I can't go to a psychologist, I need help :(

So i didnt post for sometime cause ive been going through a lot so im 16 and im a girl still figuring out my sexuality, anyway my worst ocd theme is POCD and i developed it after i started watching porn and it made me look at people woman especially in a sexual way which i hate cause i feel awful and even before when i was 14 until now i was exposed to a lot of those dark stuff and i read a lot of them, anyway POCD i keep looking at people sexually especially when its girl and then after i saw like when thise crime stories pop up on my tiktok like people catching pdf files and im like imagining what they feel towards their victims or like them explaing what they feel and me like yk when i look at someone i feel that immediately but i cant figure out what it is cause i keep looking at them in that way but not like when i see them immediately but more when i think about it and i just i dunno like especially how porn made me sexualized everything so i wanted to stop and i just feel awful, but what i find funny was before i developed pocd after i first found out about i laughed and i was like oh i dont have that deffibtly so i dont have to worry about it and now im just like