ROCD related: I’m currently in a new relationship but not as joyous as Id like to be. I keep looking back at a crush I had prior to this relationship where I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere for obvious reasons, and so despite how strong my likeness was for them I was seemingly very willing to let it go as soon as I met this other person. However, ever since any sort of commitment has become a factor, I can help but deal with thoughts telling me that despite I like the person I’m with now more in the moment I’m in now, it’s not a strong as the crush I had with the other person prior. You see, this has been going on all along to where it’s not fair considering it’s blocked myself from the opportunity of truly knowing how much I like the person I’m with now. But instead, all I do is compare how there’s someone in the past that I’ve liked more and that I liked them in a way that’s stronger in which I don’t see present in my current relationship. This causes me to feel distressed, because I really just want to appreciate my current relationship. After all, the person I’m with is everything I could ask for. I just want to enjoy her and focus solely on her. I also am aware that for as long as these things bother me, I wonder be able to discover how much I truly like her, all this does is put me in a place where I feel like I’m trying to force and manufacture my own feelings.

I have very recently been in this position. I remember getting a very strong intrusive thought on our first date that said “yeah he’ll be your next boyfriend but you’ll break his heart”. I managed to push the thought aside and really enjoyed our first date. I told my family when I got home that he was the nicest man I’d ever met. Skip to our fourth date and all I wanted was to be close to him but couldn’t help but think “oh, I haven’t had really strong relationship anxiety yet whereas I did with a past partner by date three, this is a good sign” but I also thought “I don’t like him as much as I did with a past fling” who I felt strong lust for. In that sense, I invited the anxiety/ROCD in. I have suffered ever since August with this theme. I have had strong break up urges, days of crying and googling and going through compulsions and ruminating. I’m pretty sure it’s ROCD because I’ve been through it before and have had Health OCD. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if I’m anxious because I really don’t love him or if I’m really just not that attracted to him. However, sometimes I have these moments where he’s the most perfect person in the world, I’m so grateful for him and I’ve had moments where I truly feel in love with him. I have also had moments where I can’t imagine being with anyone else now. It has taken 5 months to feel somewhat confident in those feelings and I still question them. I expect to feel in love all the time because I can’t remember what it’s like to be in love and I’ve never been in a healthy relationship. My advice to you is to sit with the anxiety, don’t fight the thoughts. Just let them be there and don’t engage with them in anyway. Soon they’ll lose their hold on you and you can go about your day enjoying their company. Everybody has different ways of falling in love, or growing to love someone, and it’s different with each person. Thoughts can be false, you are not your thoughts, you are worthy of love. This anxiety and ROCD will pass. Wishing you all the best