I did this too. I compared my last ex to my bf. Saying what the hell?? But then i realized everyones love is different per person. My ex was puppy love. Meaning excited always happy and yadda yadda. Then i met my new bf. And its a mature relationship like smooth dark chocolate. Rocd is very troubling for us because its harder to get to know the person when we are so fixated on the past. As i have been reading into this whole rocd thing ive found that comparing and contrasting deals alot with rocd. Its been six months with my bf and i had to be careful in the begining so i didnt get too attatched until he confessed to me. Thats when i startee having rocd. My ex traumatized me alot and my definition for love was really screwed. So i began freaking out over wether i wouldnt be able to love him. It only took me six months to figure out i loved him.
That’s a true observation, I feel like each person you end up liking or falling in love with tends to be different and catered to that person/experience. I also know that in many cases we tend to fabricate our crush and make them seem perfect, I wonder how trust worthy my thought process really is in this instance, you know?
I have very recently been in this position. I remember getting a very strong intrusive thought on our first date that said “yeah he’ll be your next boyfriend but you’ll break his heart”. I managed to push the thought aside and really enjoyed our first date. I told my family when I got home that he was the nicest man I’d ever met. Skip to our fourth date and all I wanted was to be close to him but couldn’t help but think “oh, I haven’t had really strong relationship anxiety yet whereas I did with a past partner by date three, this is a good sign” but I also thought “I don’t like him as much as I did with a past fling” who I felt strong lust for. In that sense, I invited the anxiety/ROCD in. I have suffered ever since August with this theme. I have had strong break up urges, days of crying and googling and going through compulsions and ruminating. I’m pretty sure it’s ROCD because I’ve been through it before and have had Health OCD. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if I’m anxious because I really don’t love him or if I’m really just not that attracted to him. However, sometimes I have these moments where he’s the most perfect person in the world, I’m so grateful for him and I’ve had moments where I truly feel in love with him. I have also had moments where I can’t imagine being with anyone else now. It has taken 5 months to feel somewhat confident in those feelings and I still question them. I expect to feel in love all the time because I can’t remember what it’s like to be in love and I’ve never been in a healthy relationship. My advice to you is to sit with the anxiety, don’t fight the thoughts. Just let them be there and don’t engage with them in anyway. Soon they’ll lose their hold on you and you can go about your day enjoying their company. Everybody has different ways of falling in love, or growing to love someone, and it’s different with each person. Thoughts can be false, you are not your thoughts, you are worthy of love. This anxiety and ROCD will pass. Wishing you all the best