- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I did this too. I compared my last ex to my bf. Saying what the hell?? But then i realized everyones love is different per person. My ex was puppy love. Meaning excited always happy and yadda yadda. Then i met my new bf. And its a mature relationship like smooth dark chocolate. Rocd is very troubling for us because its harder to get to know the person when we are so fixated on the past. As i have been reading into this whole rocd thing ive found that comparing and contrasting deals alot with rocd. Its been six months with my bf and i had to be careful in the begining so i didnt get too attatched until he confessed to me. Thats when i startee having rocd. My ex traumatized me alot and my definition for love was really screwed. So i began freaking out over wether i wouldnt be able to love him. It only took me six months to figure out i loved him.
- Date posted
- 3y
That’s a true observation, I feel like each person you end up liking or falling in love with tends to be different and catered to that person/experience. I also know that in many cases we tend to fabricate our crush and make them seem perfect, I wonder how trust worthy my thought process really is in this instance, you know?
- Date posted
- 3y
I have very recently been in this position. I remember getting a very strong intrusive thought on our first date that said “yeah he’ll be your next boyfriend but you’ll break his heart”. I managed to push the thought aside and really enjoyed our first date. I told my family when I got home that he was the nicest man I’d ever met. Skip to our fourth date and all I wanted was to be close to him but couldn’t help but think “oh, I haven’t had really strong relationship anxiety yet whereas I did with a past partner by date three, this is a good sign” but I also thought “I don’t like him as much as I did with a past fling” who I felt strong lust for. In that sense, I invited the anxiety/ROCD in. I have suffered ever since August with this theme. I have had strong break up urges, days of crying and googling and going through compulsions and ruminating. I’m pretty sure it’s ROCD because I’ve been through it before and have had Health OCD. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if I’m anxious because I really don’t love him or if I’m really just not that attracted to him. However, sometimes I have these moments where he’s the most perfect person in the world, I’m so grateful for him and I’ve had moments where I truly feel in love with him. I have also had moments where I can’t imagine being with anyone else now. It has taken 5 months to feel somewhat confident in those feelings and I still question them. I expect to feel in love all the time because I can’t remember what it’s like to be in love and I’ve never been in a healthy relationship. My advice to you is to sit with the anxiety, don’t fight the thoughts. Just let them be there and don’t engage with them in anyway. Soon they’ll lose their hold on you and you can go about your day enjoying their company. Everybody has different ways of falling in love, or growing to love someone, and it’s different with each person. Thoughts can be false, you are not your thoughts, you are worthy of love. This anxiety and ROCD will pass. Wishing you all the best
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..
- Date posted
- 17w
Lately, I’ve been feeling so disconnected from my boyfriend, and I don’t understand why. When I look at him, it feels like I’m looking at a stranger, and my mind keeps telling me that I don’t like him, that I never really loved him, or that I was just attached and comfortable. It feels real, and that terrifies me. I know logically that ROCD makes me overanalyze every little feeling, but it doesn’t make this any easier. I keep waiting to feel something—love, excitement, even relief—but instead, I just feel numb and distant. When we talk, I feel weird. When he kisses me, I don’t feel much. I keep thinking, ‘If I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel something?’ And the fact that I don’t just fuels my anxiety even more. It scares me that I can’t remember how I felt before ROCD took over. I look at old pictures, and my brain tells me, ‘That wasn’t real, you were just excited to have a relationship.’ And because I can’t access those feelings right now, it makes me doubt everything even more. I also feel guilty because my boyfriend is so loving and patient, but I feel like I’m hurting him. He tells me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and I hate that I can’t just snap out of this and be the way I was before. It’s exhausting. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I keep checking how I feel every second, and it just makes me feel worse. I know that’s a compulsion, but it’s so hard to stop. I keep searching for certainty, but no answer satisfies me. Even when I try to accept the uncertainty, my mind screams, ‘But what if you don’t love him? What if you’re just lying to yourself?’ I want to be present with him. I want to feel love naturally again. But I don’t know how to get there, and it’s terrifying.”
- Date posted
- 14w
I feel like my brain needs to chase dopamine. I’m currently in a long term relationship but I notice myself chasing male attention at work and fantasizing about if my coworker can bring me more joy than my current partner. Deep down inside I know that I love my partner and he’s the only person I want to be with but right now I feel so miserable. I feel like if I dont seek reassurance (watching videos on this topic, scrolling through reddit) then my mind will start to think that I need to leave my partner. I’ve been struggling with ROCD for over a year now and I’m wondering if I should even be with my partner since this has been going on for so long. I dont know how to accept the fact that my relationship isn’t going to feel like how it did in the beginning.
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