Every. Single. Time. I try doing stuff with my partner over the phone I feel like “oo! I want to do this” and the second it starts I am already shutting down again. Focusing on his flaws, telling myself I’m forcing to be attracted, and suddenly I’m completely turned off by him and immediately become filled with deep fear and guilt and shame. My boyfriend and I are two years today, and all I can think about is the fact that he deserves a partner who wants him sexually. Since the beginning, I’ve struggled so much with sex. I loved having him kiss me but when we did stuff I felt disconnected and insecure and nervous and unsure and afraid. I was the very definition of a selfish lover and that didn’t change until my partner expressed how badly it was hurting him. The fact that I only was able to truly see him sexually after that is probably hardcore proof I’m forcing it. I mean, I did want him to do things to me and I wanted to do things together and I liked knowing I could turn him on but I could never reciprocate and didn’t even think about reciprocating until I realized how important it was to him and only then did that emotional importance make it arousing to me. And here’s the thing…I loved having my partners hands on me, I loved kissing him and holding him, I loved when he would hold my hand and kiss my forehead during it, he made me feel like no one has and sure it wasn’t the greatest thing because of my anxiety but it was still something I craved and desired and wanted and loved. But there’s just too much proof. Like when I try to be reciprocative, I start to panic about what I’m doing because I don’t know if I’m doing it right, if I’m doing enough, enjoying it enough and it makes me not enjoy it and when I do enjoy it I feel like I’m “forcing” myself out of pity even though I genuinely want to make my partner feel good. I know people reciprocate out of their own pleasure but it doesn’t work like that for me, honestly the purely physical sensation aspect of it means little to me. What I actually enjoy is connecting emotionally with my partner and doing something to him no one else can and letting him know how much I love him and appreciate him and making him feel good. If it didn’t hold that meaning, I wouldn’t enjoy it much. I don’t get aroused just by seeing him and I know that’s normal but why is it that I do get aroused looking at women naked or overtly sexual even though I have 0% desire to touch them and this was even before the ocd so.. I’m aroused by kissing him, holding each other, hearing him do and say things, having him touch me. On top of that everything ive read talks about this desire to touch during intimacy but I don’t have that, I honestly just kind of freeze up and don’t know what to do or how to do anything which is honestly why I was selfish at first. But when my partner leads me a little I can enjoy myself a bit more and explore a little but it’s just that expectation of it needing to go somewhere that makes me so nervous because I don’t know how to take it there and I don’t know how to let go enough to do so. I just feel broken because I so so badly want to have that desire for my partner. I want to enjoy myself and I honestly don’t care about the physical pleasure of it, that’s nothing compared to the emotional connection and intimacy of us being so vulnerable with each other and me not being able to enjoy myself makes me feel like we’re not emotionally compatible even though I’ve never loved anyone like I love him. I want us to have that sexual connection, I want to please him without worrying about whether or not I like him, I want to have a fulfilling intimate life and make each other feel good because he really does get me going. I feel so scared and guilty and alone and ashamed. It’s like I’m doomed to have intercourse with a woman but that seems so painful and dreadful and uncomfortable and suffocating. With a man, specially my man I crave that desire , I want to work through my issues and be happy in my intimate life. But if it was with a woman I’d rather just give up sex for good because of how much I don’t want it. I keep focusing on his flaws, his “masculinity”, everything and making it seem dreadful. I’m sorry I just needed to vent , I feel defeated and I just want to be happy with my boy.

In lack of better wording, Sometimes I really just feel like I don’t understand myself and I want to. So I can fix it. I’m looking in the mirror and I’m body dysmorphic, I want to see myself when I was younger and physically healthier but cant. I used to be on birthcontrol, and it made me gain 70lbs and I haven’t been able to feel the same about my body ever since then. Somehow since allowing my ex to semi control everything about our sexual relationship, I have developed a complexity of desired intimacy with myself constantly alone. Because I feel like I want to be in more control with how my sexual feelings affect me. I can’t get sexual gratification from my self sometimes even though, and then I turn to peopke. And then it turns to; I can’t be satisfied by anyone, and I haven’t had sex within a loving relationship for a long time. Because well I have been going through a lot recently. And most of the encounters sexually were in fact not in relationships, but I didn’t feel the satisfaction I was looking for and it just didn’t make sense. I have to have all the right emotions or else the moment gets ruined. If I don’t feel love for them, if I don’t think they are attractive, if I don’t like how they react to seeing my body, if I don’t like how they interact with me during the sexual encounters. And since this is so difficult I All together just don’t desire to have sex with anyone most times I feel mentally aroused. Speaking of just mentally aroused, it confuses me that my body will be physically aroused all the time and beg for satisfaction and it’s a cold burning sensation pleading for constant attention. I hate it. I can’t help but wonder why that exists when I haven’t been mentally aroused. But when it happens I can’t seem to satisfy it and neither can other people. And that somewhat altogether made a plethora of issues in my last relationship because my ex dealt with feelings of guilt and or resentment towards themselves for not being able to satisfy me.. and I would be crying from days on end recently in fact from trying MYSELF to release that feeling, but I’d try to the point my body grew sore. .. I hate it. Genuinely I feel disgusted and want to get help on how to stop this. It’s going to ruin the much healthier relationship I have now just gotten into down the line and I don’t think I can handle that. Not again.

Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.

I’m struggling with something I’m afraid to even admit out loud. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone I love deeply. He’s kind, safe, and emotionally close to me — and we’ve built a life together. But I keep obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction anymore. Or maybe… I never truly did? At the beginning, I felt butterflies, excitement, connection — and I assumed that meant I was also attracted to him physically. But now, after reading so much and reflecting more deeply, I’m starting to wonder if I ever truly felt sexual desire in the way I was “supposed to.” Maybe my feelings were more about emotional longing, comfort, and romantic closeness — but not sexual chemistry. And now I don’t know what that means. OCD makes it so much worse. It constantly tells me: – “If you really loved him, you’d want him.” – “You’re leading him on.” – “What if you’re lying to yourself?” – “If you try to fix this and fail, you’ll have to leave.” I feel stuck between wanting to fight for this relationship — and being terrified that trying will just prove it’s hopeless. Has anyone experienced something like this? Can OCD really make you question something so deeply personal? And how do you move forward when even trying feels terrifying? Any thoughts or support would mean the world right now.