So I’m posting on here in case anybody can help me out. Ive just got into a relationship and I’m worried I might have done something to some nude photographs of my ex girlfriend which were in my phone when I am with my current girlfriend. The problem is I cannot remember. I remember waking up and looking at my window and my brain went : ‘what if you did this when you were with your girlfriend’ and ever since I’ve been spiralling trying to figure out if I did it or not, recalling past events and trying to remember anything and the only think I can thoroughly remember is when I was single. I also deleted all the images. I also feel like it’s manifested from other OCD, I was worrying I was talking to other girls and ended up asking them when we last talked to which they said before me and my girlfriend met which gave a lot of relief. Problem is when I think about a time it could have happened my brain throws all these images into my head and I cannot distinguish what is real and what isn’t. I ended up confessing about these thoughts to my girlfriend and she said that it’s nothing and she doesn’t care and the worse case scenario is that nothing happens and that we move forward like we have been. I still feel enormous guilt because it feels like I’ve done something wrong and I cannot shift it. I don’t know what correct exposures to do which would help me out with dealing with these thoughts. Every time I get reassurance off my girlfriend it feels good but then the thoughts keep coming back around and constantly ask things like : ‘what if you did, what if it’s not the OCD and you just can’t remember something that actually happened’. I can’t distinguish what’s real and what isn’t and it’s pretty distressing. I can’t help feel guilty over something that I might not even have done and also get a constant urge just to say to my girlfriend that I did it to relieve the anxiety. Any advice would be appreciated.

anon818

Date posted: 3y

I struggle with this exact type of OCD and I completely understood what you were saying. I thought I was completely alone in it but it is nice to meet others like yourself who share my struggles! I feel relief by confessing too, that is my compulsion, so for us we have to avoid it because while we might feel relief for a second, it just worsens our ocd in the long run. I think the best is to remind yourself the past is the past, and you have to let it go. also understand that choices you made in the past don’t implicate your current girlfriend, so there’s no reason to tell her those things. I hope this helps. I completely understand what you’re going through. I feel guilty for actions done before I even met my boyfriend and always feel like I need to confess to him.

Ginj96

Date posted: 3y

Nice to meet you aswell, I’m sorry you have the same struggles it really is a pain in the butt. Yeah I think the best strategy for me is to stop confessing, I get huge urges to confess but I know it just feeds the cycle and I can’t stop myself from doing it at times. The mental review is the worse, I can feel my brain trying to pull me in to review it all but have to fight it super hard. I hope you’re managing it well, it’s an illness I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Hope you enjoy your Christmas

anon818

Date posted: 3y

@Ginj96 hope you’re enjoying christmas too! I completely understand. try to remember not to fight the thoughts, because that will strengthen them. I used to do the same thing too where I would look up old conversations on my instagram, make sure I didn’t do anything wrong, but then I realized I needed to take a break from social media because it was causing me to look for reasons in my past to be anxious. in our case, I think exposing ourselves to these things is almost destructive.

anon818

Date posted: 3y

just remember, telling is not the answer. this will really negatively affect your relationship, it’s been the biggest problem in mine

pumpchkin

Date posted: 3y

Your lover has to understand its ocd, meaning things are blurry for you

anon818

Date posted: 3y

@ken02932 he does! but it still is super destructive when I constantly bring up awful thoughts and confess things to him instead of sitting with the anxiety

pumpchkin

Date posted: 3y

@anon818 Its better to not bring them up constantly but aslong as he knows it's uncontrollable

anon818

Date posted: 3y

@ken02932 sure, but i’ve got to work to not give into my compulsions. telling makes my ocd worse in the long run

pumpchkin

Date posted: 3y

It could be your ocd.

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