PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

I was trying to help my boyfriend with his body dysmorphia and I was explaining to him how I’d love him no matter what he looked like but I had the stupid thought “it doesn’t even matter, I’m not even attracted to you anyways” and I just really hate myself so much. He wants me to compliment his body more and I feel so so guilty because his looks don’t matter to me. In my eyes physical looks are just about the “aesthetic” , I can really appreciate someones looks but I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how my partner looks. If he looks nice I’ll notice and I’ll be proud and happy but it’s not a big deal to me. Does this mean im not attracted to him 😞😞😞😞😞

Sexual Orientation OCD

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

I think it simply means he puts more emphasis on his looks then you do. Express that to him BUT maybe give him more compliments. Not a lot though cause I think him needing you do that more may be his body dystrophia to a certain degree. But maybe compliment him a little more simply cause it might make him feel good. It doesn’t have to constant. And no that doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to him. I get what you mean that looks don’t matter. But they do in a sense. For example: I love my guy he’s sexy no matter what he looks like but only because it’s him and that is what he looks like. Does that make sense?

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

Yeah, I don’t want him to rely on my compliments for validation about his looks. His looks are already the best to me because they’re an extension of who he is, he wouldn’t be him without it but at the same time it doesn’t matter if they are conventionally attractive or not. I love being near him, how he feels and smells, his skin. Ugh this theme is the worst

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@PinkLotus I get it and I’m sorry. But it may be something he NEEDS. Like I said I’m not saying give it to him as much as his BD demands but I really don’t think a little 👌🏻 more then normal would be harmful. Cause everyone wants to feel sexy and as much as we say actions speak louder then words, words are still very impactful and significant.

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 No yeah of course! I do want to compliment him more of course and I’m going to do so. I just don’t want him to feel like he needs to do it for me because he was saying that he tries to look good for me and makes it his main point but it triggers him a lot if he has “flaws” so I just want him to remember I love him flaws and all and he doesn’t have to maintain a state of perfection for me.

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@PinkLotus Oh yeah I get that and how difficult it must be. I’m sorry for both of you to be honest.

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 It’s okay :) I don’t mind

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@PinkLotus So I really need to talk and I’m working on writing a really long post but I don’t know if I should because it’s like people don’t see my stuff and not because they’re being mean and ignoring me they literally can’t find 1/2 the stuff I post. Is there any way I could talk to you about it here? I mean I’ll try posting it as a normal post but again for whatever weird reason I doubt anyone will see it

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 Yeah go ahead

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@PinkLotus Cool thanks. It’ll probably be a while though. It’s a doozy 😞

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 No problem I’ll respond as soon as I can

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@PinkLotus Thank you 🙏🏻

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 Is it up??

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@PinkLotus Yes. But I also put it in the comment section here. Can you not see it?

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 I’m scared I keep thinking of women in Instagram and boobs and how unrealistic Instagram is and I keep acting like in the back of my mind I I do and I keep imagining I’m scared of you I don’t wanna look at hot women naked it’s never hot to me but I’m scared I don’t want my feelings for but I don’t have feelings for boobs but I don’t want that to change why do I keep saying my feelings I don’t have them and I’m scared I don’t want them to become attractive I keep I’m scared I don’t have a type I’m scared I don’t like round boobs I don’t like triangles I don’t like nipples I don’t care I’m find that I I I I don’t to I I don’t I want these thoughts away I want my my my to but but I I feel like bubbling In the back of my head I don’t wanna poop to become attractive and I’m scared him away to come sing that’s exactly and I think of Instagram like they’re so unrealistic and I’m thinking Instagram is unrealistic as though I do but I don’t wanna get with these girls I’m scared I’m scared they’re not like I don’t want to suck boobs I don’t want boobs why am I acting like in my head like I do when I don’t wanna get with girls I’m not I’m frightened I don’t want a combination between the two I’m not getting bored of guys but why am I acting like in my head like I do I don’t want to get with girls

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 It’s true that women are overly sexualized and portrayed in the media and it’s very easy to become confused and unsure. However it’s very clear you do not want these thoughts or obsessions, continue to pay them no mind. They’re there because you don’t want them there. If I tell you not to think of a pink elephant, you still will much like these thoughts. I know how stressing and overwhelming these thoughts can be, but they’re not your reality. Try to find something to focus on in your here and now

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@PinkLotus I’ll try. Thank you for putting up with my crap. I appreciate it

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@PinkLotus I can only say one more thing and I swear to God I will exercise some out of control and not talk anymore. I saw a commercial where this guy I don’t know what he was doing working out he clicked on something on his phone and then everything transforms and he’s on some ski water ski thing And it’s a giant flamingo and he take rips his shirt off and he doesn’t really have the body and I feel bad because I said I do I don’t I feel weird I don’t want a much more muscular guy I only want my guy I’ve never wanted that before I even said that and now I’m scared I do and I’m frightened I am I don’t wanna move on from my guy even though we’re not together and he doesn’t know me not going into details but the point is I don’t want to change my body type and I’m scared I’m starting to feel funny like I am I don’t wanna go for bigger more muscular romance novel guys or gym rat sore people who look like they fell down the bottom of a steroid bottle and I’m scared I’m I keep thinking they’re much they’re not sexier than my guy even if he’s not always the biggest but what freak me out that the guy was flat chested and I literally said so naturally don’t like that it’s just a dot like I do but I don’t like boobs I’d rather have a flat guys chest and boobs and I’m scared that’s how I actually feel ‘ cause my guys been really really thin before and flat but I love him and now I’m at like pectoral‘s are but they’re not gross and I don’t want boobs and I hate that I said oh don’t like the flat I’m fine I don’t want a different nature I don’t want a different gender and I’m really scared by this thought

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 I’m scared the pills I keep taking is opening up the real meat I feel funny like you my guys he’s not scrawny he’s been really slim before I’m freight and I feel funny I don’t wanna go back to my teenage self that was even though it be honest when I was a teenager I would make comments about muscles but I always went for the dorky guys and now I’m acting like guys are but I like their pectoral and I like my guy he’s in really so good shape and I don’t like saying oh finally because I don’t care I’ve seen him literally as a scaretrow like at at skinniest and I still wanted to do him not that’s all I want but sorry to speak very it doesn’t mean I don’t actually value him and I’m really freaked out now

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

And I have mean thoughts like that about my guy too. Which make no sense because before I can have a conscious thought, before I can over anazlye I instinctively think my guy is amazing

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

Yeah me too, well I used to before this theme but even then it was like I don’t care about his looks he’s amazing just the way he is.

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@PinkLotus Well what I needed to discuss is in this thread I can see it right now I hope you find it eventually

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 There I see it, let me respond

miss_anonymous

Date posted: 25w

ROCD *long post*

I’m looking at old pictures and videos of my ex and I didn’t feel a spark or anything looking at them. During our relationship there were times I found her attractive and other times I didn’t. Almost like her weight triggered me and I felt guilty about that because I really tried to not focus on that. I don’t know why I was/am so fixated on her weight. I was doing the “what ifs” as a form of ERP. I was saying in my head, “what if she’s big what if she’s not” while looking at these pictures and videos. And then looking at it again, I was trying to remember what I felt when I was with her and took out the physical and it made my anxiety go down a bit. But I don’t wanna force anything or get myself too hyped up but for that second I felt at ease. I’m ngl I’m a little more confident then I was a year ago w/ myself. Sometimes I ask myself, “was I fixated on her weight and certain people seeing her bc I was uncomfortable about how I looked?” I’m trying to sit with uncertainty. I know this is a process and I am scared what’s gonna happen. “What if she moves on? What if I do?” I feel like I don’t know what love is anymore or if I ever was attracted to her in the first place. I’m also scared that if she does lose weight I’ll like her more and become more attracted. I’ve looked a pictures of her before and it triggers me bc I am attracted a little bit more and that makes me feel guilty. I know looks aren’t everything and they shouldn’t be. She’s honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Does there need to be a spark all the time or does it fade in a relationship? Before getting on this app and seeing a therapist, we were talking everyday and I felt like when we would FaceTime I would look at her physical and my instrusive thoughts would kick in. I noticed that certain ways she layed or turned her head, I felt more attracted to her and I hated that. She had dyed her hair back in November and I felt more attracted to her , but my thoughts got to me and I felt like if I flirted it would come off fake. My thoughts would say, “she’s more attractive bc she has different color.” I kept my distance because I thought maybe if I continue to see my therapist and get on medication i would feel differently. I was hoping something would happen or I would feel something like I did when we first got together. But I’ll be honest when I first met her I wasn’t attracted. So maybe this isn’t an OCD thing? I’m confused. But I feel more confident with myself now, but I know I still have a long way to go. I’ve only been in therapy for 6 months. I’m just getting impatient and I’m trying not to.

savvyp

Date posted: 24w

Feeling guilt

I sometimes come back to this particular feeling and thought. So when I first met my partner I wasn’t immediately attracted to him. I don’t think I thought he was ugly by any means. I met him at work along with another new go worker and I thought the other co worker was cuter than my current partner. That alone fills me with guilt but what’s even WORSE was that I told a friend “Oh man I wish that guy was in our group instead of the other.” Something like that. I feel so much freaking guilt over that comment. I adore my partner and this always fills me with shame. I think my partner is the most beautiful man in the world and I kick myself that that was my first thought or worlds about him. I don’t know what to do. I want to confess but how do you even say that to your partner? I just feel so guilty and awful inside….

abreeclarey

Date posted: 17w

Overthinking so bad

I keep overthinking about the guy I go to church and stuff with and we have had talks about relationships and he’s aware of everything but I feel like I’m not being completely honest. He’s a great man but I doubt because of his looks. He’s not ugly but I’ll see another guy and find that guy super attractive. My heart is so heavy because of my anxiety. I looked on google if you should tell someone honestly that you don’t find them attractive. I don’t know what to do! I feel like crying because what if I’m leading him on. I see post that say looks don’t matter and I agree but I doubt this guy a lot. What if I’m not being completely honest with him. After church we held hands and we hugged. When I’m near him I want to be close and hug not too much touchy stuff though but when I’m at home I’m doubting everything. I feel like a horrible person. I feel like I’m just making excuses or not getting to the point I’ll call my mom when my anxiety and mind starts acting up and then I’ll be calm and now it’s up

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