I was trying to help my boyfriend with his body dysmorphia and I was explaining to him how I’d love him no matter what he looked like but I had the stupid thought “it doesn’t even matter, I’m not even attracted to you anyways” and I just really hate myself so much. He wants me to compliment his body more and I feel so so guilty because his looks don’t matter to me. In my eyes physical looks are just about the “aesthetic” , I can really appreciate someones looks but I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how my partner looks. If he looks nice I’ll notice and I’ll be proud and happy but it’s not a big deal to me. Does this mean im not attracted to him 😞😞😞😞😞

I think it simply means he puts more emphasis on his looks then you do. Express that to him BUT maybe give him more compliments. Not a lot though cause I think him needing you do that more may be his body dystrophia to a certain degree. But maybe compliment him a little more simply cause it might make him feel good. It doesn’t have to constant. And no that doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to him. I get what you mean that looks don’t matter. But they do in a sense. For example: I love my guy he’s sexy no matter what he looks like but only because it’s him and that is what he looks like. Does that make sense?

Yeah, I don’t want him to rely on my compliments for validation about his looks. His looks are already the best to me because they’re an extension of who he is, he wouldn’t be him without it but at the same time it doesn’t matter if they are conventionally attractive or not. I love being near him, how he feels and smells, his skin. Ugh this theme is the worst

@PinkLotus I get it and I’m sorry. But it may be something he NEEDS. Like I said I’m not saying give it to him as much as his BD demands but I really don’t think a little 👌🏻 more then normal would be harmful. Cause everyone wants to feel sexy and as much as we say actions speak louder then words, words are still very impactful and significant.

@Bookworm91 No yeah of course! I do want to compliment him more of course and I’m going to do so. I just don’t want him to feel like he needs to do it for me because he was saying that he tries to look good for me and makes it his main point but it triggers him a lot if he has “flaws” so I just want him to remember I love him flaws and all and he doesn’t have to maintain a state of perfection for me.

@PinkLotus Oh yeah I get that and how difficult it must be. I’m sorry for both of you to be honest.

@Bookworm91 It’s okay :) I don’t mind

@PinkLotus So I really need to talk and I’m working on writing a really long post but I don’t know if I should because it’s like people don’t see my stuff and not because they’re being mean and ignoring me they literally can’t find 1/2 the stuff I post. Is there any way I could talk to you about it here? I mean I’ll try posting it as a normal post but again for whatever weird reason I doubt anyone will see it

@Bookworm91 Yeah go ahead

@PinkLotus Cool thanks. It’ll probably be a while though. It’s a doozy 😞

@Bookworm91 No problem I’ll respond as soon as I can

@PinkLotus Thank you 🙏🏻

@Bookworm91 Is it up??

@PinkLotus Yes. But I also put it in the comment section here. Can you not see it?

@Bookworm91 I’m scared I keep thinking of women in Instagram and boobs and how unrealistic Instagram is and I keep acting like in the back of my mind I I do and I keep imagining I’m scared of you I don’t wanna look at hot women naked it’s never hot to me but I’m scared I don’t want my feelings for but I don’t have feelings for boobs but I don’t want that to change why do I keep saying my feelings I don’t have them and I’m scared I don’t want them to become attractive I keep I’m scared I don’t have a type I’m scared I don’t like round boobs I don’t like triangles I don’t like nipples I don’t care I’m find that I I I I don’t to I I don’t I want these thoughts away I want my my my to but but I I feel like bubbling In the back of my head I don’t wanna poop to become attractive and I’m scared him away to come sing that’s exactly and I think of Instagram like they’re so unrealistic and I’m thinking Instagram is unrealistic as though I do but I don’t wanna get with these girls I’m scared I’m scared they’re not like I don’t want to suck boobs I don’t want boobs why am I acting like in my head like I do when I don’t wanna get with girls I’m not I’m frightened I don’t want a combination between the two I’m not getting bored of guys but why am I acting like in my head like I do I don’t want to get with girls

@Bookworm91 It’s true that women are overly sexualized and portrayed in the media and it’s very easy to become confused and unsure. However it’s very clear you do not want these thoughts or obsessions, continue to pay them no mind. They’re there because you don’t want them there. If I tell you not to think of a pink elephant, you still will much like these thoughts. I know how stressing and overwhelming these thoughts can be, but they’re not your reality. Try to find something to focus on in your here and now

@PinkLotus I’ll try. Thank you for putting up with my crap. I appreciate it

@PinkLotus I can only say one more thing and I swear to God I will exercise some out of control and not talk anymore. I saw a commercial where this guy I don’t know what he was doing working out he clicked on something on his phone and then everything transforms and he’s on some ski water ski thing And it’s a giant flamingo and he take rips his shirt off and he doesn’t really have the body and I feel bad because I said I do I don’t I feel weird I don’t want a much more muscular guy I only want my guy I’ve never wanted that before I even said that and now I’m scared I do and I’m frightened I am I don’t wanna move on from my guy even though we’re not together and he doesn’t know me not going into details but the point is I don’t want to change my body type and I’m scared I’m starting to feel funny like I am I don’t wanna go for bigger more muscular romance novel guys or gym rat sore people who look like they fell down the bottom of a steroid bottle and I’m scared I’m I keep thinking they’re much they’re not sexier than my guy even if he’s not always the biggest but what freak me out that the guy was flat chested and I literally said so naturally don’t like that it’s just a dot like I do but I don’t like boobs I’d rather have a flat guys chest and boobs and I’m scared that’s how I actually feel ‘ cause my guys been really really thin before and flat but I love him and now I’m at like pectoral‘s are but they’re not gross and I don’t want boobs and I hate that I said oh don’t like the flat I’m fine I don’t want a different nature I don’t want a different gender and I’m really scared by this thought

@Bookworm91 I’m scared the pills I keep taking is opening up the real meat I feel funny like you my guys he’s not scrawny he’s been really slim before I’m freight and I feel funny I don’t wanna go back to my teenage self that was even though it be honest when I was a teenager I would make comments about muscles but I always went for the dorky guys and now I’m acting like guys are but I like their pectoral and I like my guy he’s in really so good shape and I don’t like saying oh finally because I don’t care I’ve seen him literally as a scaretrow like at at skinniest and I still wanted to do him not that’s all I want but sorry to speak very it doesn’t mean I don’t actually value him and I’m really freaked out now

And I have mean thoughts like that about my guy too. Which make no sense because before I can have a conscious thought, before I can over anazlye I instinctively think my guy is amazing

Yeah me too, well I used to before this theme but even then it was like I don’t care about his looks he’s amazing just the way he is.

@PinkLotus Well what I needed to discuss is in this thread I can see it right now I hope you find it eventually