Are these reassurances for rocd? 1. When I feel that I've lost intrest in my gf, I think if I have interest in other girls and it's a no everytime which makes me relieved that its rocd 2. I check if I'm anxious by checking my heart rate Pls help me so that I can work on it. I have soocd too but it is negligible now. Rocd has taken over but I'm still not sure if its rocd😭😭😭😭

Ok so this all could be for reassurance but I’m rlly upset en and need help. So to preface, I had ocd when I was younger her and when I started dating my current bf it suddenly returned but ig I didn’t realize it was rocd bc I never knew it could present itself in this way. All I knew was “go away I just wanna love my bf and stop liking other guys” when my brain would get me so confused. A couple weeks ago I started on Luvox and I thought it was rlly working bc I also started seeing an ocd specialist and she gave great tips on exposures and the Medication in conjunction w that jus felt like it finally make me myself again. However, yesterday I had some gwneral intrusive thoughts in the morning and right before that, I was on top of the world so happy bc I was myself again. When the thoughts came I was like ew oh whatever. UNTIL my brain was like nagging me and making me feel guilty for having those thoughts. So I dove into em making sure they weren’t true etc. bc that never fixes anything it kept progressively getting worse and I forgot my exposures in those moments bc I just wanted to make sure I loved my man and didn’t do smth against him. Towards the later day, I was swimming w my siblings and my bf and the whole time I had a blast bc he’s the best, but I had nagging thoughts and feelings saying some guy from my new job is similar looking but slightly better looking and he’s the one guy I’ll leave my bf for. And it’s been saying that and variations of it from over 24 hrs now and I feel so awful. I feel guilty and to make things worse. Last night bc I spiraled/ relapsed so hard my thoughts also said I wanna leave my bf bc I no longer love him and I miss those old feelings but I can’t jus forget how awful I am as a gf to him bc my thoughts and ocd feelings. I feel terrible and I jus wanna be fixed😓I don’t wanna like that guy my man is my bsf and so cute and handsome and perfect. Why am I still “confused” if I don’t wanna be etc. my therapist said to go toward my goals and Values and not let ocd stop me from it, but I feel as if I can’t til I make sure I don’t like the other person or wanna but all I want is to be me but I feel like a liar 😞

[ vent ] At times, I'll be doing fine, and I won't be thinking about anything, and then boom. I have thoughts like, you don't love your partner, you only say I love you to convince yourself you love him, you don't actually like him. It makes me really upset because I genuinely do like my partner, I genuinely do want to be with my partner, I wouldn't do anything to hurt him, and I love him so much. But I always tend to talk to AI, and AI is always telling me my symptoms are just ROCD. And I just want to get rid of it because I didn't have these problems before, and now I do, and I just want them to go away. Yesterday, I was literally crying because of how bad I felt. My partner does me amazing, he treats me amazing, but my thoughts always lead me to wonder, what if this isn't ROCD and I just genuinely don't like my partner? Even though, as much as I want to, what if I don't, but I really do, and I want to be with him, and I do love him. Recently, I've talked to him about these feelings, and he told me that he's felt like this before as well, but the way he comes with it, he doesn't think about it as much. But me, it goes in my head over and over and over and over and over and over, it's like a loop or a cycle that never ends. And I always look up, how can I heal from ROCD, and it just says to settle with the thoughts, don't look for reassurance, and it's hard not to do that because like, what else am I supposed to do? It's hard for me not to do that because it's so heavy, and to me, for my ROCD, it never shows up as what if questions, it always shows up as statements like, you don't, you don't love him, you don't want to be with him, you're only saying that you love him to convince yourself you do, stuff like that. It's hard

So for context me and my girlfriend have been together for closing in on 8 months. We're really happy! And we've always been happy. However I believe in am dealing with ROCD (ive had ocd symptoms all throughout my life) and its begun to affect me badly. First off a few months ago I randomly got the thought of "what if I am losing feelings?" Usually I can dismiss intrusive thoughts like this easily but this one stuck. This one would plague my mind and thoughts for weeks on end, it caused me anxiety and sadness and I was extremely scared. Then one day, the thoughts just went away. We carried on as usual, then one day we went to out friends Quince. We were there and dressed up nice eating with friends and during conversation the topic about our age gap came up. I wasn't thinking when i said this and then I ended up saying the age gap me and my ex had instead of the one me and my girlfriend now have. I am over my ex and i dont miss her and didnt ever miss her at all throughout me and my girlfriends entire relationship however I immediately felt awful. It was a slip of the tongue but intrusive thoughts flooded my mind of "what if im not over her?" Or stuff like "what if I miss her?". I told my girlfriend about the slip of the tongue and she insisted that it was ok and that we were ok, but the thoughts lingered. For months on end I proceeded to have those same intrusive thoughts about my ex, it branches off into intrusive memories and dreams as well. Its also caused me to have intrusive thoughts about other things as well. For example when talking to someone ill have the intrusive thought of being attracted to them and it makes me panic, or ill overthink getting s groinal response when I accidentally see something revealing, and other thoughts that IF they were true would heavily collide with my relationship. And worst of all, the thoughts of not being in love with my girlfriend have resurfaced stronger than ever. Every waking moment of every waking day have been filled with these thoughts ever since the incident and ive been in constant anxiety and when im not anxious im either discomforted or sometimes even numb. It scared me because my brain tries using it as proof that my thoughts are true and that I dont love my girlfriend. Last night I bawled my eyes out at the thought of losing her but these thoughts still continue. We have cute happy intimate moments where I feel madly in love and then my thoughts shatter that. Its miserable, and im scared, and drained. I do want to lose my girlfriend, she's been the greatest person to me ever and I do love her so much. I hate that I can rationalize my love for her because I wouldn't care this much if I didnt but also that these thoughts are extrenely powerful and cloud my mind. Any tips to manage this? I dont have access to therapy at least not for now and i need help