TW I’ve been taking Flexeril/Tylenol p.m. on and off for got a month almost. And I Obsessed about body parts I don’t I don’t like the same sex I have the same OCD as you. And I can’t stop obsessing about how boobs stick out and I really don’t like it. I don’t know I said nothing And I keep feeling these hollow hot rushes in my chest about thinking of how they stick out and saying nothing anything is hotter than that I’m scared that my opinion has changed overtime like I I don’t know if the pills are affecting me because I always get a little weird when I take too much stuff especially since it’s not prescribed to me. But I can’t stop thinking of how they stick out and boobs naked and it I said it used to it and never once did it for me used to not and it’s not necessarily doing it now that’s not the right word but I’m scared I don’t wanna start noticing women and I’m spiraling and I need help but I can’t tell what’s going on. I said nothing and I’m friend I must be I don’t wanna be bisexual okay I’m straight I don’t give a damn about like morality because it’s not a moral issue and now I can’t stop making a face and I’m scared I can’t enjoy guys and I keep shaking my head in the negative like I can’t enjoy guys chest muscles anymore and I make a face like it’s not but it is sexy to me muscles much better than fat solid muscle not huge ass stuff but still. And I can’t I have the tendency to lie on my side when I go to sleep and because I do that I imagine when I don’t I keep imagining having doing what guys and bab doing having one in my hand and in my you know like I said what guys and babies do . Boobs are not hot and I keep feeling weird like in my chest keep filling these brushes like I’m fine that’s the real me like I do I feel so hot and bubbly in Hollow my chest and say nothing anything is hotter than that! I don’t like boobs and I’m fra I’m changing and the rushing in my chest is scaring me and at the the fact that I keep describing them as nothing when anything is hotter than that I said I’m scared there’s nothing anything hotter I don’t wanna change and become so I don’t wanna float I’m not bisexual they’re not hot I don’t wanna be in the middle and I feel like ripping my heart out and I don’t know why because my hearts never been in this and I keep saying till now but my heart still is not into it like I don’t know if you think in symbols but I do like you know how Volvo has that symbol where is the circle with the little arrow sticking out on top and that’s also the male symbol that’s what’s like right over my heart if that makes sense like tattooed into it. My heart is for men like my guy/men like men broadly my guy specifically And I hate acting all excited like and I’m scared anything is hotter as sexy and I said then a pair of nice one I don’t like boobs they’re not nice they’re not hot and I don’t want bigger more muscular guys I’m frightened nothing I said nothing repeatedly and I’m so sorry anything is hotter than a really big muscular guy and then said nothing anything is hotter than boobs and I’m scared I’m so tempted to dis except and live but I don’t want to live a lesbian or bisexual life that’s not my thing I don’t really give a damn about what other people do just I don’t want to be like that. And I can’t stop thinking of boobs I can’t stop thinking of triangles and feeling a rush like but it’s not hot I don’t wanna be bisexual I don’t want to like the way poop stick out I don’t like triangles I don’t wanna suck them I don’t want to have them in my hand and I feel so disgusted embarrassed than anybody knows this And I’m scared tits are but they’re not I don’t wanna feel better saying they are cause that’s what started this like I said too are not hot and I said I emphasize they are but they’re not hot and it felt really wrong to say that and I felt to burn in my chest and now I can’t stop imagining when I don’t want to do I’m trying I can’t stop and I’m scared something shifted and become but it’s still not hot I said it does but it doesn’t feel hot and I keep insisting but it doesn’t feel hot or sexy just a unpleasant I’m trying I can’t stop I’m scared I I don’t I like I I don’t want to put my chin up and what guys and baby‘s do boobs are not hot I’ve never felt like that before boobs are not hot what’s this warm rush of feeling in my chest!? I’m scared I make faces like I can enjoy and find this proves all my other thoughts like I do I don’t like hanging they’re not hot I keep insisting there is and I’m scared that’s my truth and I can’t avoid it for nothing I said nothing anything is hotter than that I keep insisting so strong and there is nothing not about it I don’t understand . No I can’t stop they’re not I feel so funny they’re not hot and I can’t stop imagining boobs in detail and I’m scared I cringe other guys like I don’t want them I said I don’t but I do want pectorals I keep adding and like it must be like it’s OK I don’t want it to be I said it so easily and casually like I said pector or not and I went through with it anyway even though I realized it was wrong pectors are hotter I can’t stop saying nothing that is that’s not my truth I can’t stop packs are it’s not that they’re not and I’m frying everything is changed and I’ve been living a lie I can’t stop saying they’re not they are they are so much hotter PECS are much that I keep shaking my head to the negative acting like my‘s my guys are nasty but they’re not pecs are hotte i’m scared or not but pics the guy can’t stop making a face like not I’m find I’ve been living and I’m changing I don’t scared I act like he’s not nasty my guys chest doesn’t look like boobs and his is not overdeveloped I don’t understand how I could be straight and still say naturally that pes are not but pector are much better I can’t I’m scared that makes me feel tight in the chest like it’s a lie and I’m scared or not I keep insisting that they’re not with a negative shake of my head like no but pecks are much better And I can’t stop amazing boobs in detail now they’re not hotter pecks are hotter than tits tits are not hotter they are not hotter than pecs better pecs are much better pecs are better why am I making faces like they are they’re not nasty pecs much much better I keep saying but in the boobs are not better I’m scared I am I’m scared I don’t wanna get used to it I’m scared I can’t I feel like screaming and saying they aren’t the not hot boobs are not better they’re not hot in the boys boys boobs and I’m scared I’m scared I said I can’t I like that is it’s not my truth I can’t stop I feel like screaming shaking my head and the negative thing not but boys have always been better not can’t stop saying not but boys are better than move and do not that better I can’t stop and I don’t want my truth interchange I can’t stop shaking my head and the negative saying that the boys are better boobs are not better than boys I’m scared and desperate enough right now I’m acting like my my guys not gross but boys are better boobs are not better than boys boys are better than boobs I don’t like boobs turn off better Im sorry for everything. Im sorry

I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad

Why am I not anxious? Like at all anymore? Is it because I'm really avoiding and trying not to think of the consequences that come from possibly being a pdfile? Is the only thing that is worrying me about it is the consequences then does it mean that I really am one? But I never masturbated to the thought of a child and actively seeked it. It came as intrusive thoughts while I was doing it yes I've had them when I see kids yes and I question and check a lot if I'm attracted to them and its just confusing me, I know I'll never do anything to hurt a child and I don't even like the idea of becoming a pdfile then why am I not anxious enough about it? The thoughts are just distressing obsessive I feel disgusting and Id say I still do compulsions but I don't know something just doesn't feel right. I don't feel anything and no real attraction to anyone or anything anymore. I just feel so disgusting and I just want to be normal but then again I pretty much did this to myself. It's weird to me I know there isn't a real indication I'm a pdfile and past experiences pretty much prove that and I've always been attracted to older guys so why is this happening now? Why am I getting these thoughts now especially right after I was trying to fix this sexual obsession/tension I had for older guys. Is my brain just leaving one thing to love and be obsessed about and going to the other? I'm really really just confused. Not anxious just distressed confused and uncomfortable. Like I want to throw up but I don't feel intense anxiety in my chest it feels like maybe I haven't processed what's going on properly. I'm genuinely so confused and I don't want to have this stay in my mind. Sometimes I just miss my ex so much because at the time I've felt something I felt so much things even though I had really bad rocd. I just miss loving people again and being alive again. I'm so scared and confused right now can anyone explain to me what is this? I genuinely just want to understand what I'm feeling or thinking because its not making sense to me

Hi, I'm new to this and it took me a long time to gather the courage to post, but I could really use some advice. This will be a long post because I don't know how not to overexplain, please bear with me. I'm yet to be diagnosed with anything, so I'm not sure if this is one of the ways OCD can present itself, but I'm really hoping it's just soocd and nothing else. I'm 22F, cis and straight all my life as far as I know, but back in April, in a particularly exhausting day, I had an intrusive thought about liking women after seeing some random post on twitter and I've been spiraling ever since, with thoughts and anxiety non-stop trying to figure out an answer. I've noticed that my thoughts have been obsessing over this in a loop, where I question if I'm a lesbian or bi (I really really don't want to be, though I have nothing against the lgbt community) > question if I'm aro/ace (also really don't want to be, I'd be super depressed if I were because that would stop me from living the life I've always dreamed of) > question if I'm simply afraid of getting in a relationship and why. It's this loop where I can't figure anything out, my brain feels like it's in the middle of a storm. Looking back, I think I might have had rocd in my last relationship because I kept messaging my boyfriend asking for reassurance if he loved me and wouldn't leave me, but the reassurance only lasted at best a day before the doubts came back and I felt the need to ask again, and this lasted for months if not years. Now I've never questioned my orientation, I just knew I was straight (always crushed on boys, craved their attention and love, male celebrities, male characters, always fantasized about having a husband and kids, never felt anything towards women that way, never considered them as partners) until this one intrusive thought caused me to spiral out of control and I've never been the same since. This in and of itself should be enough to prove to my brain that I'm straight and have always been, right? Logically it should, it makes no sense otherwise... But it's not enough, so I've been googling non-stop, been reading so many posts here that I relate to for reassurance, been reviewing my memories, ruminating all day and night, testing myself by looking at pictures of men and women to check for reactions (when I'm not avoiding looking at them altogether). Even when I feel that my mind is quieter, the anxiety is still there, and I keep trying to affirm what I've always believed to see if I still agree and it's like my body preemptively gets anxious expecting the thoughts to return and then uses that anxiety as evidence that the thoughts are true when I really don't want them to be... I guess all of these count as compulsions? It's bad to the point anything lgbt-related triggers me now when it never did before (I was always like "good for them, but that's not for me" towards any kind of lgbt content, I've never identified with the community nor do I want to be part of it still), I can barely get anything done, get out of the house, spend time with my friends, listen to music or watch movies, focus on what I need to do, eat, sleep or even just enjoy my hobbies. The anxiety is always there, my mind feels like it'll explode and I feel like my life will be over if I don't figure this out now so I can fix it. I think I've also been experiencing false attractions and loss of attraction, which is making all of this worse, because my mind is trying to find out why they're happening and using them as evidence that I'm one thing or another... I never had any feelings towards women before this all started but I'm so scared I might have now all of a sudden when I don't want to. It's exhausting, I just want to be able to live normally again. The what ifs don't stop: what if I find out I'm actually what my fears say I am? What if I'm one of those late bloomer lesbians? What if I'm in denial? What if I'm just saying I've always wanted men due to comphet? What if I actually never find out and I'll be ruminating over this my entire life and won't be able to live? What if I'm lying to myself? What if I've always been that and never known? What if others find out I'm having these thoughts? What if it's not OCD and I'm making excuses and this is all true? What if it's always been a subconscious desire and I didn't know? What if I have sex with a man and don't like it actually? What if I'm aro/ace and that means I'll never be able to have a family one day? What if I have no choice? What if that one memory where you enjoyed time with a female friend means you're gay actually? What if I'm never able to love a man ever again despite having been able to in the past? The idea of being with a woman is absolutely terrifying to me, I'm not at all comfortable with the idea of being a lesbian or bi or anything, while the idea of being with a man only causes me some anxiety but feels more right. I've had very few experiences with relationships, most were unfortunately long distance, and I'm currently single so I can't even gauge my attraction or feelings that way, but I'm so tempted to seek a relationship because of this to prove I'm still straight... I also have GAD and might have depression, so that may be contributing to all of this... I just feel like my life is over, I can't live like this. I can't handle my mind constantly looking for proof that I'm lesbian or bi, using the fact that I enjoy my mom's hugs or my female friends' company to say "see?? I was right and you're lesbian!!" when I never once in my life ever thought of women that way, I don't understand why this is happening 😭😭 And to make it worse, it's also latching onto the past and using it as proof that I must have always been a lesbian without knowing and it's making me feel like I actually wanted it, when at the time I never thought of it that way. Like, me enjoying the company of one of my best friends or sharing a common interest with her doesn't mean I'm gay?? Caring about my friends isn't gay?? Being a girl who likes girly things doesn't make me gay?? But the thoughts are always like "no you're lying, you're just in denial, you actually felt xyz back then that's why you wanted her company" or "are you sure?". The thoughts also latch on the fact that I find incel, gooner and misogynistic behavior disgusting (which might be poisoning my opinion about men as well even though I don't want it to 😭), and they tell me I'm a lesbian because of it, which only makes me more depressed. But no matter how much I try to argue, it's never enough, the doubts are always there and it's making me have so many panic attacks they wake me up at night and don't let me rest. I'm so scared of accepting the thoughts because I fear that accepting them will make me actually a lesbian when I really don't want to be (and I keep claiming I don't want to be and my mind keeps throwing the "are you sure? you're not sure" around, it never ends 😭). It feels so real, I'm so scared. I'll add this as well because I feel is relevant, but these thoughts/spirals have also tried latching onto my religious beliefs (I have none, but they tried to convince me I did after I saw a post on social media) and onto my gender identity (they tried convincing me I wanted to be a trans man, when in fact I've always wanted to look more feminine, because I'm so thin I barely have boobs and it's always been a huge source of insecurity for me). These, however, haven't returned, unlike the spirals about my sexual orientation and mainly about being lesbian/bi. I think I may have had at best a week free from this obsession, and even when I'm distracted I feel like they're always somewhere near my mind just waiting to snatch it from me again. If I manage to calm down, my mind will also use that against me, saying stuff like "see, you're calm now, which means you've accepted you're a lesbian!!" and I get all depressed and anxious again and want to cry but can't because I'm so tired. I just don't want that to be true, I want my normal life back 😭 I know I shouldn't ask for reassurance, but I can't calm down. My life has been a living hell ever since this started, I feel unable to live, I just want to go back to how I was before all of this started. Is this HOCD/SOOCD at all? Can anyone else relate to this? Please tell me I'm not alone on these experiences, that I'm not what these thoughts claim... My mind is so close to fully convincing me that I am what they say and it's making me so depressed and anxious 😭😭 and it feels so real, like I'm already what they say I am and I'm chasing something that's no longer there. I'm so scared. I don't want to accept any possibility, I don't want to explore or "figure it out", I just want to be secure with my straight orientation again as I've always been, but there seems to be so much evidence of the contrary and I can't live with that possibility. How could I become a lesbian in the span of a few months when I never wanted that?? 😭 I'm so depressed, I miss crushing on men and wanting a husband and kids, I'm tired of arguing with my mind non-stop. I feel like I've been so full of doubts that I can barely affirm my favorite color, I can't remember what's like to be free from this madness, it's like from one moment to another I lost myself amidst this chaos and no longer know the stuff I've always known about myself. How do I go back to how I was before? How do I stop this without changing to be something I don't want? How do I get rid of these doubts that aren't supposed to mean anything but are scaring the shit out of me because what if they're true and I'm one of those cases where I'll become the sexuality I fear? I cannot bear the thought. It's been nightmarish 😭😭