I’m tired of my “HOCD”. I don’t even know if it’s OCD. I’ve never thought I was gay before in my life and now it’s convinced me that deep down I want to be with a man. I can barely talk to my girlfriend without having intrusive thoughts. I can’t even tell an intrusive thought from a feee flowing thought anymore. I try to make myself think about women and it keeps happening. Even when I look forward to something in the future I’ll get a thought “but you’re gay”. I’m tired. I’ve talked to some of my friends and family and it’s a weird issue. No one else is going through this that I know of. If all I think about all day is being gay then I must be gay. Even if I find reassurance it’s not enough I don’t even accept it. Maybe this all happened for a reason. I’m never going to wake up and these thoughts won’t be there. I don’t even care anymore, I’ll just be alone or be gay.

The guilty feelings is once again another tactic ocd uses to get you stuck. Don't trust the guilt and this is another tactic for the ocd to get you to do your compulsions and feel like you've done something wrong. Don't take the thoughts serious Say in a funny way- ya ok ocd! IiI Don't negotiate with terrorists Thoughts are just thoughts Do not ruminate Oh I just had a thought who cares!! I am not noticing the content of the thoughts. This is meaningless When what if comes in treat it as ocd Make fun of the ocd thought Make a game out of it! Get excited to feel the anxiety. You get to practice your skills!! You can't get me no.matter who you are! I'm not listening to this anymore I want to get back the life I used to have!! To get my life back I have to be uncertain and go toward the anxiety Be courageous! Get up and do your steps and the results will be good Hey come on give me your best shot!! You wanna take me down then take me down! I'm taking my life back! If you wanna get me you go ahead sucker, I'm going forward! Don't use the first thought and the anxiety as a gage or the guilt as a gage. These are the things ocd uses to dominate you! But remember we are not playing the ocds game, we are playing ours! If you are aware of a situation you will be confronted with, prepare yourself as to how you are going to act! Ex-girlfriend kids walking near me- I won't move. Or I'm going to pass something between two people, I'm not going to freak out and I'm going to just to it! Gooooooddddd I want to be anxious! I want to be scared! I want to be uncertain! I'm going for this! I can do this! Accept it As an OCD moment. Don't accept it based on the content Yep but I love my wife and she is the best thing ever! I've had enough I'm not doing this anymore. Who cares if ocd tries coming from a different angle. I'm not paying attention anymore! We need to follow the protocol when these issues come up. Not focus on oh did I do something wrong I've made a mistake. No we want to do our protocol. It will never get better if you dont do the protocol. You will always feel anxious Will doing this lead me closer to recovery or further? We don't want to pay attention to the symptoms of ocd. We want to change the way we respond. If it gives you extreme guilt then it's ocd! Your ocd always surrounds the feelings of guilt! Don't buy into it! YOU PROMISED YOUR WIFE YOU WOULD NOT GIVE INTO OCD! KEEP YOUR PROMISE!DO YOUR STEPS! IF NOT FOR YOU THEN FOR HER!! Winning strategy Don't pay attention to the content. Content is useless When the obsession pops up accept that you just had an obsession. Don't accept that you may have inappropriately touched some one. Accept that you just had a doubt that came up it's fine that's just my ocd producing a fearful doubt. I expect that. This is normal Want to make yourself uncertain! Ocd wants us to be certain but to beat it you need to be uncertain! We want to stay anxious

Hey! Just wanted to give you a little encouragement. Everyone feels it's so real and everyone feels that the thoughts mean something but they really don't. Of course your mind is gonna be full of these thoughts! You keep giving your ocd something o grab hold of. But if for thirty days you decided nope I don't care what the ocd tells me I'm moving forward then the mind will let go. But you have to give it that chance to do that

These are sayings you can use when you are anxious. Some of them don't make sense cause they are specific to my needs haha but if you need any clarification on any just ask!

It feels like it will go on forever, it’s been everyday all day for over 30 days straight. I can’t break free from it. I can’t even go to the gym or do things I normally would do. It wouldn’t bother me this much if it wasn’t real I feel like. Maybe it’s fate. I could have thoughts tomorrow that I’m a killer and it wouldn’t sit with me for 30 days. I don’t get myself.

It’s hard not to doubt yourself when your mind constantly runs and you feel sick. If everytime you think about a woman you think about a man yea I’d say it might make you question yourself and why it’s happening. That type of stuff doesn’t just happen at least not with me

But in reality that happens to everyone with ocd..this happened to me and it made me think crazy thoughts but when I did my steps it got way better and now (cause I didn't give it validation) it's clear it's OCD

What were your steps?

Ok I'll send you an entire list. Cause over the years I added a ton. Most are from a PHD and the others are from another PhD guy. So it's legit

@aford15 I could have written your posts myself! Trust me, I know how hard it is, and how completely and utterly real it feels. I also understand the urge to just give up. I’m having similar feelings of exhaustion and defeat now, except with ROCD. Just now that you are not alone in your OCD, and that there is hope! Hardest thing you’ll ever do, but just try to let it be. We can’t let OCD rule our lives! Take a risk, accept that certainty is not a currency we work in, and keep going. It will all be okay :)

I’ve never struggled with OCD before as much as I can remember. I feel like Im grabbing ahold of it to make myself feel better like a cop out. There are people who have been struggling with this for years. I have no idea why it happened or where it came from but everything got turned on it’s head. I don’t even recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I’m in mental trances half the day that seem real. My mind goes but “I’m gay” to “you want to be gay” to “you’re not attracted to women anymore”. I want to beat it but I just don’t know if it’s life trying to turn on it’s head. Maybe after all these years I’m having a sexuality crisis. I’ve never struggled with this before but my mind is trying to make me like men. I can’t force myself to be sexually attracted to men but still it doesn’t care, it zaps all my sexual attraction for women and the moment I fantasize about a woman it intrusively inserts images of a man. I still have dreams of women but when I wake up the shit is hell.