I’m scared I am I don’t want to change I’m around my cayenne and I’m not trying to be mean because she’s not a bad person I don’t think like that. But I’m scared I keep saying my gay I don’t have any gay to come out I’m not gay but I keep getting scared my love for my guys going away like I’m becoming I’m scared I keep saying mine is coming I don’t want mine to come out I’m not gay I don’t want to have any I’m not gay I don’t have a drop of it in me I don’t like the same sex out like the body parts and I’m scared I don’t wanna be getting over my guy I feel funny I don’t want bigger more muscular guys! I was trying to look something up beautiful men and I don’t get why beautiful men have giant huge rounded over development and I said they’re not bad but they didn’t feel good you know what I mean I don’t know how to explain that like why did I say not bad we’re not internally I don’t like them and I almost got disgusted why the bites muscular guys and I’m scared thatthat compounds me saying mine is I’m scared I keep I’m scared it’s there and I keep knowing saying mine I don’t have any gay I don’t want it and I keep saying I don’t want it to trump my heterosexuality but I don’t have any gay to have it I’m scared I’m literally nodding up and down like I do but I don’t have any of that in me and now I’m scared to act disgusted with guys I just don’t want more muscular ones and I went to my moms bathroom instead of mine so I can be worn and no one can hear me and I checked myself and there’s way more clear sticky stuff down there that I would like and I’m scared this proves that I am but I’m not gay I don’t have any attraction to women there’s no why do I keep calling it mine there’s no gate to come out and smother something else I don’t have a single drop of gay I don’t have any gay in me and I don’t wanna pick up more muscular guy I don’t want anyone to be have a better place than my guy because I don’t think anybody does but it’s the my coming out thing is I’m not gay I don’t understand how I can say that it’s not mine ! Why is there clear sticky liquid I don’t have any gay why is there extra discharge down there I’m not gay I feel like screaming I don’t feel good I’m not gay there’s nothing inside of me like that so why is there extra stuff going on being around my gay and I’m not gay I don’t wanna be like her and I am not saying she’s a bad person but I keep calling in mine I’m not gay I don’t want any of that I’m literally treating myself and I’m scared I keep imagining it being deep deep inside myself and I keep nodding up and down like I do I don’t have any percentage of it why am I acting like it exist and now when I say that I’m not I’m talking like it’s a lie but I don’t have any gayness in me! So why is there extra discharge and I keep saying we all do it’s like speak for yourself not all of us we don’t all do I don’t have any gay in me and I’m scared why is there extra discharge!? I’m why am I calling it mine and really nodding up and down acting like it exists that I keep acting like a knot up-and-down and I really am I’m acting like it’s there I don’t want it there and keep saying oh we all we don’t all do I said it’s small it’s and it’s not small or big it’s nonexistent why am I actually like it’s there it’s not I don’t have any gay and me why is that extra discharge

I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.

So pretty much I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life, I had no idea could’ve been symptom of OCD until maybe a year ago , I have this fear right now that I don’t actually love my fiancé and I’m not attracted to men. I am attracted to men. Let me be clear. I’m not attracted to females. I never have been and I never will be. But it’s one of the scariest thoughts I’ve ever had that I don’t actually care about the person that I would sacrifice anything for that I would do anything for. He’s pretty much the closest family that I have and I just wanna be with him for the rest of my life. A couple months ago was that I just didn’t care at all, and I didn’t have any feelings and everything that I felt was me being fake in that nothing was real. But I eventually got over that and the new thought is that I’m actually gay even though I know I’m not. And in the world we live in now where it’s be yourself be you if it comes across your mind. That’s the obvious truth. Be yourself… It’s kind of scary to think about. I just want it to leave me alone. I’m actually so scared that eventually I’ll believe it because some thoughts that I’ve learned were intrusive. I ended up starting to believe and it turned into a whole catastrophe for my life. I met this girl and she felt a certain way about her husband and then she told me that eventually I’ll feel that way and ever since then I just I haven’t gotten over this fear that I’m gonna end up feeling the same way she is. Also, I recently got over a few themes. I’m not ready to share, but I’m so proud that I got over those and I just I’m waiting for this one to leave me alone and it’s not and I’m starting to get really scared that it’s true and I don’t want it to be true. and just to be very clear I don’t care who you love what you love who you like what you identify as because you can in fact be yourself but this just doesn’t feel like me. I’m genuinely reaching out to try to get help for this because now it’s messing with our personal life. We’ve never argued so much in our entire relationship and now I realize that it’s mainly my fault because I’m detaching myself from all emotion just so that I can get over this thought I’m detaching myself from all intimacy and that’s even scarier because what if it’s not me detaching myself and it’s me just not being attracted that’s another thought I’ve hadI’ve gone all long enough so thanks.

I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad