I’m scared because I keep saying my I like I have any but I don’t have it. I’m actually acting like it exists and my aunt doesn’t wear bras and she has really big brown boobs and they’re just sagging down her chest and she doesn’t care and I’m scared I do but I don’t like her or any woman’s but there’s a bunch of extra sticky clear discharge down there and it’s scaring me I keep it acting like it exist I said my I don’t want to swap my headers I’m literally acting like it exist but I don’t I said have any I have a bunch I’m not bi I am totally hetero and I’m scared I felt guilty and shook my head in the negative like that’s not true but I am I’m not I don’t even have a small amount of it no not even I’m not getting hur I’m not into boobs at all so why is there so much clear sticky discharge I don’t wanna be here anymore scared this proves to me I’m literally sitting here acting like it exist and I keep nodding up and down like I don’t want to beat anything I am literally nodding open down acting like it exists I don’t wanna have any of that in me I don’t want it I said everybody doesn’t know that’s not true! Why do I keep calling it mine I’m scared I can’t disagree with it my brains keep going along with it but I don’t have it i’m not actually gay I don’t have any of that in me that it can’t beat anything because it doesn’t exist! So why is there so much stuff going on down there

I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad

‼️Sexual Content‼️ I have a new fear that I have a paraphiliac disorder and google says that people who do have these disorders experience distress about them which scares me so bad because I feel distressed about the potential of having one so isn’t that like the same thing? I’m scared that I already have one, and the distress I’m experiencing isn’t OCD but instead a side effect of being paraphiliac. I hate this Also what’s even worse is that I don’t even feel that anxious. Like yes I am anxious but not as much as I feel like I should be and I’m relatively calm. I feel like I should be more anxious for it to be OCD and I should be more anxious when faced with the threat of being paraphiliac and even though I am anxious, it’s no where near as bad as it should be or has been in the past. What does that say about me? (I don’t want reassurance, all I want is advice to help me cope through OCD spikes) I’m so scared. I don’t want any of this. I don’t want to do paraphiliac things I don’t want to do anything that they do because those things make me uncomfortable but I feel like that’s what someone with a paraphiliac disorder would say. I am so f*cked

I feel like the thoughts and feelings are getting stronger, to the point where they feel like they are my own and that I want them and want them to happen. Recently I’ve even had feelings of ‘wanting to be gay’ and that I ‘don’t want to be straight’, or that being with a woman would be nice even though that’s literally the one thing I don’t want otherwise I wouldn’t be constantly thinking about it day after day surely and if I wanted it I would just know? I feel numb and sick and terrified that I’ll just be what I’ve feared all this time. Why does my brain do this. I feel like I’ve lost so much already, I couldn’t concentrate on university work and I’ve had to delay my degree for a year, I’ve lost my purpose, and I feel so ashamed that I can’t tell anyone the real reason for it (I just told everyone the course was too much stress and was causing me anxiety) and it just feels like it’s getting worse to the point that it’s actually coming true, and I’m going to have to leave my boyfriend because I can’t be with him anymore. Why do the thoughts sometimes feel good? Why does it feel like real attraction? Why why why does it feel like DISAPPOINTMENT with the idea of never being with a woman wtf this is literally what I don’t want and never have? Even just writing that out my brain is telling me ‘it is’ and ‘I’m lying’ and I just can’t even believe myself anymore. I’ve tried telling myself the whole maybe maybe not but it just doesn’t work. It feels like if I accept I like woman I’ll want to be with one and leave him. Why does the idea of being with a man not fill me with excitement like it used to why do labels terrify me I genuinely just want to give up I still haven’t even told anyone about this cause I just feel like they won’t understand and that they will just think I’m struggling with my sexuality and the worst thing is I don’t even know what I want anymore cause of the thoughts and feelings I don’t know what to believe what if I am actually just struggling with my sexuality cause nothing feels right anymore