Can i ask someone something. Is this ROCD or no? I have a gut feeling he is the one and I love him but...there’s this little voice that keeps saying what if i dont want to. But i do want to love him if that makes sense overall. Can someone please please help me with this.

Okay. This might be a little long. Basically I’m just wondering if this is really ROCD or if I officially lost feelings for my current boyfriend. BACKGROUND ABOUT ME: I assume this might help whoever reads this, and that may explain my situation. Long story short I have bad anxiety and OCD about intrusive thoughts. I figured out about my anxiety from a therapist after it started to get really bad when I was in middle school. However I figured out about my OCD this year. Before middle school I started to get anxiety from my dad. My parents divorced and he was an emotional abuser and very narcissistic. So since I was little I was always careful on what I did and said. And then another topic is that I had an ex bf who acted close to him. He was very insecure so he was controlling over me and was narcissistic and also emotionally abusive towards me. Always played the victim, etc. So he kind of traumatized me because we fought daily and just the way he treated me. My current bf is a green flag to me. We don’t fight, he is kind, understanding, funny. He checks all my boxes. Me and him were friends for about a year before we considered being together. 2 MONTHS AGO: this is when it started. It was a Sunday and me and him were going to an event at my school. It was for seniors because we were graduating the Sunday coming up. And we hung out the past 2 days and from what I remember things were like they were. Me and him were about to hit 8months the up coming Monday and I did understand that’s the time where the “honeymoon” phase becomes more.. I’ll say realistic? Anyway, we were close to leaving and something in my gut was off. Idk what it was. Idk if I was nervous for the event or something. But I just had a weird feeling. Again I have bad anxiety and OCD so I was scared about all the kids that were there. I don’t know. Anyway we left and when got to about 3 minutes away from our location my bf turns to me in the car and tells me how lucky he is to have me and how much he loves me. Then the thought “idk if I love you the same anymore” came in my head. And my gut feeling worsened. It was unnoticeable before but after he said that and I thought what I thought it got so much worse. Like it was sickening for me. I I love you back immediately but that thought.. I didn’t let it go. I couldn’t enjoy the night at all. I tried to act like everything was fine but inside I was suffering. Later that night he took me home. And I couldn’t get rid of that thought in my head. We FaceTimed a bit later like we did almost every night but I couldn’t be on the phone. Every time I looked at him I felt guilty and that thought kept coming back that I lost my love for him. So about 5-10 mins later I told him I was tired, said our goodnights and hung up. I cried. I didn’t like what I was feeling and I didn’t know what it meant. It was hard to fall asleep but once I did I remember waking up in the middle of the night to the thought about my bf. I got up to splash water in my face to cool me off because I was sweating. I got ready for school and I was crying I was confused, worried, I didn’t even know. I cried to my mom later and she didn’t know what to say or do. I cried all day at school and my gut feeling was horrible. I’ve never had it as bad as I did the first few days after this started. PRESENT(2months later): I already typed a lot so I don’t want to make entire book. But now, it’s like the gut feeling is there but tolerable. I still get the thoughts and the gut feeling does worsen a bit when my bf texts me and I see his face in photos and such. Or even think about him. My main concern is that we are supposed to go on a trip together next month and before this happened I was so excited to go with him. And now it’s like “what if I’m not better” “I don’t love him anymore to go with him.” Idk what to do. It’s like a chore for everything, when I text him, hanging out, calling him. Everything. Idk why to do. Idk if it’s because I was reck for the event or because of graduation and needed a reason for my nervousness? Idk. He didn’t do anything, he hasn’t done a single thing but be there for me. As much as I’ve been there for him. I don’t want to lose him. There is more to this story so if you want to ask go for it. I know this is hella long so. But I just want the help. Please let me know!!

This will be my first time venting about this but I have been feeling super anxious towards my boyfriend lately. I’ve just truly discovered the world of OCD and all of the subtypes. I love my boyfriend of 3 years. He’s my person and i know I can see a life with him. Although, i’m suddenly feeling really anxious when i’m around him or even the thought of him. I’m constantly questioning everything about him and our relationship. I have to constantly reassure myself to stay that i love him or that he’s attractive to me and etc! I even have thoughts that maybe he’s not for me when that absolutely kills me. This fear has had be in a choke hold for a couple of days. It’s been especially tough since we just got back from a mini vacation. Idk if i’m nervous about us potentially moving in one day together. I’m trying to tell myself that i’m overthinking bad and i have all these fears because he is my first boyfriend— my first EVERYTHING! Please tell me i’m not the only one that feels this way. I just want to go back to the 1st year where I was obsessed and loved him unconditionally. (which i know i still do know, I just have this annoying thing going on)

I’ve never really been diagnosed with OCD, I’ve had some symptoms but I usually just brushed it off. But recently, I’ve been feeling some sort of numbness to my partner. It upsets me, because our relationship is great and he’s done nothing wrong. I feel terrible for feeling like this. At first I thought it was me “falling out of love”, but I know I love him. It hurts me to think of life without him, it hurts me to think of never seeing his smile or feeling his touch or hearing his voice again. I know I love him. But for some reason I keep convincing myself I don’t. And its so confusing, because what if it’s not OCD and these are actual thoughts I’m having? But then how could I ever think like that when I know I love him? Is this normal? I want to be with him, I want him to be my husband one day and the father of my children. I want to be his wife. So why do I feel like this? Is something wrong with me? It hurts me to think that I might not love him, like it genuinely makes me cry, because I know I do love him, I’m just so confused. Any advice is appreciated.