Hey guys kinda losing my grip here. All about sin and trying to determine whether something I’m currently doing is sin or not. This problem has plagued me for over 2 years. I’ve gone to Pastors and leaders and they have generally said that the actual actions aren’t wrong but if I feel like they are wrong then I shouldn’t do it. But the problem is I don’t know for sure whether this issue is sin or not. Whether this anxiety I am feeling is my conscience or my ocd. What I have read is that the conscience brings up verses and stays specific to the sin. Which is what this feels like, but also there is so much uncertainty, doubt, and anxiety associated with it. I’ve also even tried not performing the “questionable” action for 5 months and this only made things a lot worse for me mentally, spiritually, and relationally. But I can’t shake this feeling that what I am doing is wrong and I am going to sear my conscience or I am pushing God away. I just needed to share this, could really use some support and guidance here. I would like to avoid reassurance as much as possible, but things were getting dark in my head so I really wanted to reach out to people that understand! The post was left vague on details on purpose to avoid confessing the thought. Thanks y’all

Please help anyone else here with Religious ocd and is a Christian? My brain is going hay-wire and want to know I'm not alone... what do your thoughts say and how do you overcome compulsions? Im going through a rough moment and feel sick with anxiety and stiff. I want to obey God but my thoughts won't stop. I surrender to the Lord and then I have peace with the compulsions and they go away but the thoughts are the scary part please - is this spiritual or is it mental? Or is it both? Would love to hear a Christians opinion on this... because my thoughts latch on and won't dissappear but I know that the Bible commands us to take control of our thoughts and to renew our minds...yet God has grace for this and mercy for our every need... I know God is in control (completely) and my mind creates a lot of the issues for me without any spiritual stuff (it's a very powerful thing) but it's still scary. Lord help me, I surrender myself to you Jesus, counsel my soul and help me.

I put a trigger warning because I will be discussing themes of end of times. I feel like I'm not following God's will. God knows ultimately that things were going to speed up end of times wise. A few months ago, I had a random thought to call someone I had affected with past sin and apologize to him although I did not know he was there, my sin affected him. I know he deserves an apology, but I chalked it up to ocd and treated it as such for months fast forward to now I feel like I'm completely against God. Horrifying. It's a complex situation I caused and therefore though I know he deserves an apology I'm really scared as I created a mess of things. I've been praying that God help certain things come to fruition so I could be exposed and help minister to others if that's what He's calling me to do but no answer. Instead horrible images and thoughts and feelings of doom. I see signs to apologize everywhere. I'm at my wits end. Because I tend to get ahead of myself I asked two family members and they said don't and then I see things that say Though people in your life mean well, don't go based on what they say only what God says. I tell God to do His will and I'll follow, do you think He'll listen. I even told Him I straight up don't want to do it, not because He doesn't deserve one, but because last time I apologized to someone else I didn't do it right and it was messy. I feel so evil, like a wolf in sheep's clothing. I also remember looking up morbid things for what???? Only to be disturbed pray about it and leave by why search it up again? I also fantasized alot about guys I've been single forever, late 20s now, I'm trying to go to church and my crush is there and I try to stop thinking about him because I know it's delusional but the thoughts don't leave. I'm so tired I want to stop but stop what? Living? I want to stick to God as close as possible. I'm going crazy.

I really struggle with trusting myself. I never really believe anything I say and the second I say or think anything i doubt if I actually feel that or mean it, and worry that I am lying to others/and or myself. I doubt that I experienced anything bad, I doubt my emotions and worry that I am just dramatic or seeking attention, I worry about my intentions and if they are bad or impure I worry that the thought I had must mean I am bad and then I obsess on how to be better and then I obsess over learning how to be the “best” friend, sister, person, Christian, etc. I obsess over how to be a Christian in the best way that considers all possible facts and opinions and finds the best ones that are perfectly true and that interpret God in the best/most correct way possible. I am either in full on obsession and mental compulsion/checking/research mode, or in avoidance mode trying to avoid being triggered. I notice that I obsess over how to know for sure if I have OCD, and how to know the best possible way to heal and no solution satisfies my mind because I doubt it and think there must be a better solution and maybe I didn’t consider one small detail that could change the way I should approach my brain. I worry that no matter how hard I try to do things right and be kind and good- that I will just disappoint others and myself no matter how hard I try. And when I try to accept that I am imperfect it only helps for a second because then I worry that if I stop trying to be the “best version of myself/best person I can” then that will mean I just don’t care and I will accidentally hurt people in the way my parents accidentally hurt me because they never tried to heal. I feel exhausted. I compulsively tell everyone everything I am thinking all the time. I overshare with my mom, my friends, and even my therapists and clearly on this app because I worry if I don’t it maybe means I’m lying but also sometimes even when I don’t want to overshare it feels like I can’t help it and do it against my own will. I feel like no matter how hard I try to make things better for myself and others I just end up making things worse. Then I end up feeling very numb and indifferent to the idea of life- which is so counter to my usual desire to live life to the fullest. My biggest trigger words are “lukewarm Christian”, “hypocrite”, “fake” etc because then I immediately worry those words must describe me and maybe I just don’t realize it. I spend hours going over my thoughts, feelings, experiences and researching endlessly to feel less anxious or give me the feeling that I can find a solution that will fix it- when deep down I know there is no perfect solution probably. Basically I say all this just to feel heard and so someone else maybe feels understood or seen. But I don’t want reassurance or anyone to engage with my actual fears. I’m open to any advice on how to approach this from an ERP standpoint though.