I can't understand anymore what is real. I don't understand if I is rocd or not. J would love your opinion! I had for a long time strong anxiety, for rocd and some other reason. In thoose months, i had a lot of time the urge to break up, the sensation of "I should leave; i do not love him enough" and all the intrusive doubts. But every time; it was like a roallercoaster, one day super attracted and in love, the next one wanting to break up. Now, nothing. Every little things he does that I don't approve hurt me like hell, but that's it. I can't have fun with him anymore. I learned it's okay to not feel in love all the time, and I accept uncertainty. But I want to agave fun and enjoy time togheter at least!! But I can't! And I don't know If this is rocd, because there is no more anxiety. But I don't want to keep going this way... a lot of things he does and his personality makes me think that I should leave him; not because he is not the one, but because I think I should look for someone that can make me feel more loved, that show loves in the same way I do. Than why I'm still here?? Why I keep stay?? I can't understand what I want. If I don't want him I should leave. If I want him I should stay. But it is like if I don't want him and at the same time I want him... I am not doing any fisical compulsion. Do you have some advices please???

What you’re experiencing right now is ambivalence. It leaves you confused and drained. It makes you question everything and you’re left ruminating why am I feeling this way? do I love him? Do I not? Should I leave? All of these things leave you confused and wondering constantly. I’ve been here before too. I’ve also experienced the numbness of it all, it’s as though you dissociate from the stress. It’s so much uncertainty that the only way your body knows how ti turn it off is to dissociate. It helps and lasts a while before the anxiety and needyness comes back around again for the cycle to repeat itself once more. The only piece of advice I could give you right now is to sit with your feelings. Don’t question why are they there or look outside yourself aka, looking at your partner for answers, looking to us or your friends, instead, sit there, become curious, listen to what’s going on in your head, don’t judge it, just sit and listen. Become interested. So something like “oh, I just had a thought that I may not love him anymore and that I want to break up...hmm...interesting” and then don’t react, sit and feel it in all its glory. feel the emotions that the thought brings and then comfort yourself. Notice how it’s your mind trying to protect itself. Everything is okay in this present moment, you are not in danger, you are safe. There is no threat but your mind. You must stay in the present moment, not the past nor future. When anxious, you are in the future, not the present.

Maybe try accepting that in this moment you don’t know what you want and that is okay? I noticed with me as well, as a perfectionist I HAD TO KNOW. But what if you didn’t? What if you asked yourself “if I were to allow myself just one minute of not needing to know what I want, how would I feel?” And just sit and allow yourself to not need to know.

it’s okay to not know what you want all the time. Not everything in life is perfect and a lot of things in life is unpredictable

Wow I never saw it from this point of view. Thanks you. I will try this immediately!

I think maybe we’re too harsh on ourselves, thinking we have to have it all right.