- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes I've done that/ sometimes do that. Mainly when I get anxious over something or overreact to things. Then I push him away (by not texting back or being cold). It always ends with everyhting being fine again and me noticing that I overreacted.
- Date posted
- 3y
Lately I’ve been trying to force myself to be happy with the time we spend together but I get thoughts of omg I didn’t enjoy that kiss or I didn’t feel anything during that and I’d rather just push him away
- Date posted
- 3y
@——- I know exactly how you're feeling. I just to have that exact thought too. Or analyzing my bf eyes and checking if they are "glowing" in the way they used to, to check if I still love him enough. Continue doing your ERP, it changed everything for me. I still have anxiety patches and thoughts, but it's gotten way better! But you should also remember: that love doesn't mean feeling in love all the time or even feeling anyhting. You don't have to be happy all the time. You can also have days where you'd rather be alone and that's totally fine.
- Date posted
- 3y
@k-low It’s hard to accept that all those things are okay simply because I never used to feel like that. I would spend all my days with him and enjoy them now I don’t. My partner and I are working on our relationship we just got back together after being “friends” for 3 months we have a child and a lot of trauma within our relationship happened to me over the past few years so I know I’m not in love because this is a new thing and that’s a goal we are working up to but just loving him seems difficult at the moment but I didn’t feel this way a month ago I was all for it ready for him to pop the question and once he did I was fine for 2 days then rocd started. Maybe this is a trauma response?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@k-low - I've been hearing people say "love is choice, you don't need to feel love all the time" but that seems to trigger me. I felt love, I know how I should be feeling when I'm with my boyfriend, any little thing we do together I would always feel "butterflies" or a sense of happiness even from just laying down with each other I would get so excited and now bc of my ROCD I feel nothing. Hopefully when I start ERP this will OCD will go away. It sucks not to feel a certain way that you are used to with your partner
- Date posted
- 3y
@eemmi Yess!!! It makes me so upset
- Date posted
- 3y
@eemmi I get what you're saying. But the butterflies get less over time and that's totally okay. Doesn't mean you love them less. But rocd will always make you feel like you should feel a certain way or that things are bad when they change. I know the trap :( you just gotta work on it!
- Date posted
- 3y
@k-low I literally had clarification yesterday that I love him and today I feel so different I don’t feel anything and I feel like I should end things but I don’t want to I don’t wanna fuck up what we have but something in me wants it to be done :( I’m so torn I don’t know what I feel. He doesn’t deserve this either. I feel so guilty.
- Date posted
- 3y
@——- I'm not an expert.. Far from that. But for me it was a similar thing... In a way. We had some uncertainties in the beginning so I wasn't sure things were gonna work out and that freaked the shit out of me. It's prob nothing compared to what you experienced, but for me I think the stress of covid plus being scared of loosing him kinda brought out the rocd. OCD is known to express itself after stress, trauma or any kind of intense experience.
- Date posted
- 3y
@——- I had that a lot too when my rocd was at its worst. I had days where I was sooo sure that I love him and days where I wasn't anymore. That's totally normal for ocd. But honestly if you are diagnosed with rocd then I think analyzing all this and looking for reassurance from others can be so more damaging! (I've been there myself) Are you seeing a therapist? If not, my best advice is do that and ask your therapist all the questions you have! :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@k-low I go to one on Monday I feel nothing for him today it’s putting me in the worse moods
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel like I dislike my husband of 18 years already for 3 years with minutes of here and there I feel like I might love him. Otherwise I feel like running away from him constantly. This feeling freaks me out. I think about it all day and it even comes into my dreams. I can’t take it anymore.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Does anyone else unintentionally self sabotage their relationships? I tend to seek so much reassurance that they get sick of me. I only seek reassurance because I get scared that they're going to leave me (have abandonment issues) and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy because I worried so much that it ends up happening. I get trust issues about my partner cheating because I imagine worst case scenarios all the time and it really strains all of my relationships. Anyone else do this? What have you done to help?
- Date posted
- 14w
Do you perhaps experience things like being so frustrated and numb because of how much your ocd drains you ? Then you are naturally caught up in a compulsion where you’re “physically testing” yourself to lets say something you watched years ago that is usually against your orientation?? If you know what I mean ? Even though you know you are (your own sexuality) and are in a very loving relationship and you really love your partner but does anyone experience this ?? And then they’re faced with more thoughts about how they’ve betrayed their partner and how their partner will leave and if you also struggle with scrupulosity ocd you feel like you’ve committed a huge sin and betrayed your faith ? Again I get all of this goes against values and that the human body may still react to things we naturally may be against but anyone still falls for the testing and then has this awful reaction afterwards? And does that really mean I betrayed my partner ?? Thank you so much for your time and I would really love your insights as this is something that popped up with me out of the blue …
- "Pure" OCD
- Young adults with OCD
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- Date posted
- 12w
My all-consuming compulsion is to coddle someone who shows opposition to my boundaries. My boyfriend and I love each other dearly. In fact, he's going to propose soon. But we're working through some really difficult things. When conversations get difficult for him, or he feels the slightest bit of guilt, he totally freezes. He can't talk or make eye contact for awhile. I've been incredibly compassionate about his coping mechanism and his needs (he grew up in an emotionally abusive household), but at the same time, I have needs that must be met, too. The conversations in which he freezes up are ALWAYS ones in which I'm expressing discomfort/hurt about something. What I NEED is to feel validated, to have the space to feel hurt/uncomfortable WITHOUT judgement. Because I am super attentive to him and always ALWAYS validate his hurt, even if it affects me personally. But whether it's big or small, he KEEPS getting really hurt and affected by the things I bring up. His mom is not nice to me, she hasn't been since we met. He's not responsible for her actions, but he IS responsible for defending me when his mom is being super judgemental and rejected me outright, multiple times, even though she didn't even know who I was. I just automatically wasn't good enough. I should be able to trust my boyfriend with valid concerns of mine/expect him to apologize when he's caused discomfort, and he unintentionally invalidates me by guilt-tripping me like crazy. And I've talked to him about this stuff, which is SO HARD. I explain what is and isn't helpful. I brought up therapy, because I can't make him go, but he says he's been trying to ease off his coping response for years to no avail. For this and many other reasons I think he needs professional help (I'm seeing a therapist myself. We both got chronic mental illness that needs addressing somehow). I explained my feelings, I explained what I need. He's starting to try harder to give my emotions space, and say things that validate me. I appreciate it cuz I know the freezing response is something he's trying to fight. It's SO HARD for me not to fawn. My OCD is screaming at me, telling me that I HAVE TO accommodate my boyfriend's feelings, oh I must have hurt him SO BAD, oh imagine how horrible things will be if I DON'T give him reassurance!! But this isn't about him. These conversations with him start because a boundary of MINE has been crossed!! Even if he has a whiny reaction, or has a freezing response that stems from trauma. It STILL causes me too much emotional distress and places blame on me in an unfair way. For example (this is a BRIEF explanation), I've made it clear that I don't want dogs. I've never even had dogs and he knows this. And my boyfriend got really pouty after I reiterated this once, because he thought his dog back home would come live with us after we got married. Mind you, he's NEVER brought this up with me before. I had no idea he wanted his dog to move in with us. The dog has only ever lived at his parents' house. His parents assumed I'd be fine taking on the responsibility of an OLD, SMELLY DOG!!! WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME!!! And when I explained my frustration about this assumption to my boyfriend while ALSO sweetly acknowledging how SPECIAL his dog is to him, he broke down and shut down!! It's SO FRUSTRATING when he does that, it's so stressful, it's SUCH a burden on me when my boyfriend doesn't have the capacity to validate my feelings the way I do his! Holding back and not compulsively fawning is SO HARD!!!! But I gotta stand firm---it's NOT fair that I have to edit my true feelings because he's not equipped to be more emotionally present for me.
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