Do you guys catch yourselves pushing your partner away in certain aspects ? If so let me know down below

Lately I’ve been trying to force myself to be happy with the time we spend together but I get thoughts of omg I didn’t enjoy that kiss or I didn’t feel anything during that and I’d rather just push him away

@——- I know exactly how you're feeling. I just to have that exact thought too. Or analyzing my bf eyes and checking if they are "glowing" in the way they used to, to check if I still love him enough. Continue doing your ERP, it changed everything for me. I still have anxiety patches and thoughts, but it's gotten way better! But you should also remember: that love doesn't mean feeling in love all the time or even feeling anyhting. You don't have to be happy all the time. You can also have days where you'd rather be alone and that's totally fine.

@k-low It’s hard to accept that all those things are okay simply because I never used to feel like that. I would spend all my days with him and enjoy them now I don’t. My partner and I are working on our relationship we just got back together after being “friends” for 3 months we have a child and a lot of trauma within our relationship happened to me over the past few years so I know I’m not in love because this is a new thing and that’s a goal we are working up to but just loving him seems difficult at the moment but I didn’t feel this way a month ago I was all for it ready for him to pop the question and once he did I was fine for 2 days then rocd started. Maybe this is a trauma response?

@k-low - I've been hearing people say "love is choice, you don't need to feel love all the time" but that seems to trigger me. I felt love, I know how I should be feeling when I'm with my boyfriend, any little thing we do together I would always feel "butterflies" or a sense of happiness even from just laying down with each other I would get so excited and now bc of my ROCD I feel nothing. Hopefully when I start ERP this will OCD will go away. It sucks not to feel a certain way that you are used to with your partner

@eemmi Yess!!! It makes me so upset

@eemmi I get what you're saying. But the butterflies get less over time and that's totally okay. Doesn't mean you love them less. But rocd will always make you feel like you should feel a certain way or that things are bad when they change. I know the trap :( you just gotta work on it!

@k-low I literally had clarification yesterday that I love him and today I feel so different I don’t feel anything and I feel like I should end things but I don’t want to I don’t wanna fuck up what we have but something in me wants it to be done :( I’m so torn I don’t know what I feel. He doesn’t deserve this either. I feel so guilty.

@——- I'm not an expert.. Far from that. But for me it was a similar thing... In a way. We had some uncertainties in the beginning so I wasn't sure things were gonna work out and that freaked the shit out of me. It's prob nothing compared to what you experienced, but for me I think the stress of covid plus being scared of loosing him kinda brought out the rocd. OCD is known to express itself after stress, trauma or any kind of intense experience.

@——- I had that a lot too when my rocd was at its worst. I had days where I was sooo sure that I love him and days where I wasn't anymore. That's totally normal for ocd. But honestly if you are diagnosed with rocd then I think analyzing all this and looking for reassurance from others can be so more damaging! (I've been there myself) Are you seeing a therapist? If not, my best advice is do that and ask your therapist all the questions you have! :)

@k-low I go to one on Monday I feel nothing for him today it’s putting me in the worse moods