I feel like im just leading him on :( I just feel numb and weirdly disconnected. Its all I think about all day and I keep getting thoughts that I dont really love him and that I need to break up and that there's not enough chemistry. He definitely makes me feel happy. Everytime I see him though my ROCD flares up big time like yesterday we were kissing and near the end I didn't really want to kiss anymore I guess maybe since I felt a bit dehydrated but then I noticed I feel sick. I just feel so upset over everything. I want to love him :( I keep comparing him to my ex as well like oh do I feel the same way would I go back to my ex rn. Am I attracted to him enough. I keep thinking that he deserves better than me. Someone who actually loves him.. I really dont want to break up but it's like my head won't shut up and it's so difficult. I mean what if I dont really love him and I'm pretending I do? What if I dont really have rocd and it's just a gut feeling? Why didn't I feel more when we kissed? Shouldn't I feel more? What if I only like him as a friend :(

Hey I feel the same as you exactly the same ,can we talk?

Yeah sure!

Every single word you said I relate. This is crazy, I've never felt more validated. I feel a lot better now, I hope you will too soon. Have you been doing erp?

I havent :( I dont know how to start and I've tried to get diagnosed with ocd several times but the doctors still have the same stigma about ocd so won't diagnose me

Been here, too! It’s the worst. Remember that you chose your partner because they make you happy, and that loving them is also a choice! Society and media portrays love like it’s purely feelings, but feelings ebb and flow. ROCD can make you feel like you’re making a wrong choice, but it’s just the doubts that are stemming from ROCD.

It is the worst :( it's never been this bad before which in itself is a trigger that I'm in the wrong relationship or don't love him. We've only been dating for around a month now so I feel like that can make it worse since it's all new to me

Definitely. I’ve had ROCD on and off with my partner (he’s now my fiancé) for almost 4 years. At the beginning I was sure something must be wrong with our connection or something, but I powered through and I’m so glad I did.