- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for reaching out @LSea2021. It’s super hard and I hate feeling convinced by this stuff. I’m really trying not to fight these thoughts/feelings bc that would be a compulsion but as a result it feels like I don’t want to be in a relationship more. It’s the worst thing ever. I’m just trying to stay strong and keep it up 😞I wish the best for you too
- Date posted
- 3y
My scary thoughts were/are always somehow related to my ROCD or my attachment style. When they feel particularly challenging, I let myself calm down and then try to figure out what’s informing them. What keeps me grounded during hard moments is that I choose my partner bc he is an incredible person and partner. Kiyomi also said a great thing which is that we should make decisions based off of wisdom, not feelings. That has helped me immensely when im feeling big doubts or urges.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m also an ROCD-sufferer with an avoidant attachment style. You are not alone! Totally agree that it adds on to the struggle. It sounds like you have an extremely special bond with your partner. I’m sorry the ROCD is feeling so strong right now, but you can overcome it! I know I can too.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve recommended it to like… everyone in the last two days. But the Awaken Into Love YouTube channel, podcast and website has been a huge help for me when it comes to ROCD. They’re so positive and educational!
- Date posted
- 3y
Omg yes I love Kiyomi!! She’s awesome. I’ve been trying to join the ROCD course but I really need one on one chats with someone like her. Are you apart of any of her courses?
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m taking the course right now!! It’s really helped me separate what ROCD thoughts look like, and even uncover some expectations I had about long term love and relationships that weren’t realistic. Highly recommend :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Do you feel like some of your scary thoughts are actually you rather than ROCD thoughts since you’re learning how to separate them? I’m a little nervous to join since my thoughts are so intertwined and imbedded.
- Date posted
- 3y
This was a super helpful conversation!! Thank you so much! I think I struggle with the wisdom vs feelings part because I know part of my brain says I shouldn’t continue to deal with this stuff and heal on my own in order to get better blah blah blah. And it’s hard bc I know that could be considered wisdom and it makes sense to a part of my brain. How do you handle those sorts of thoughts when leaving seems like good wisdom for you and your growth? Or is that something you even deal with? I’m sorry to ask so many questions. Just nice to have a convo about this stuff with someone who understands :)
- Date posted
- 3y
I believe that the healing we can do alongside our partners is some of the most valuable healing and growing we can do. There’s so much media out there about having to be on your own in order to heal yourself so you can be in a relationship, but that’s just not the case. We can heal in a relationship just as well as we can on our own :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Oh and PS yes those urges to leave and heal have definitely happened to me
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Hi, friends. I apologize in advance because this is going to be a long one. Friends and family have tried to help and give me advice, but they don’t truly understand how OCD/ROCD disrupts me from thinking logically. Quick back story: I was in a relationship for 10 years with a guy who I liked enough, but was never truly “in love” with. We bought a house together and everything. I broke up with him in January 2024 after learning that he had been lying to me and hiding multiple substance addictions throughout our relationship. He was also a compulsive liar. Needless to say, I was left in shambles with a ton of trust issues and a mortgage that I couldn’t afford alone. Flash forward to October 2024: I was unexpectedly setup by someone and ended up going on a date with a divorced 38 year old, I’m 30 for reference. Neither of us expected it to go anywhere and we were both the first person the other dated since ending their previous relationship/marriage. Plot twist….I fell absolutely in love with this man. I mean, getting excited to go to bed because I knew when I woke up I could talk to him again in love (🤮). Lame, I know. He said he loved me very quickly after a night of drinking, but the next day made it clear that “I know I was drunk, but I know what I said and I meant it.” Things progressed, we spent a lot of time together very quickly and there were a lot of big feelings. Things were fantastic and I felt like I was living in a movie. Now, here we are 5 months later. I’ve learned that he is definitely an avoidant, which is tough because I have an anxious attachment style. He’s stopped saying the cute things he said in the beginning, and I know that people will say that was the “honeymoon phase” but I still feel just as happy and excited to be around him as I was in the beginning. He’s been pulling away and said that he does love me and wants to be with me, but he needs to work on himself first. I ended up breaking down and telling him everything I was feeling and everything that was upsetting me. He was taken back, but said that he hears me and that everything I’ve said is extremely valid. He said he didn’t realize that I felt that way and he’s sorry. We took a few days to collect our thoughts and process, finally seeing each other again last Friday. When we saw each other we had an open and honest talk. He said that he has noticed that he’s repeating things he’s done in past relationships and that he doesn’t want to do that with me, he doesn’t want to lose me. He said he wants to be together and that he sees a future with me, but he just needs a minute before he can “fully commit” I.e. introduce me to any more of his friends and family. I’m completely lost. I want to be with him more than anything. I respect that he recognizes a pattern and his detrimental behavior and I’m willing to meet him where he is. But at the same time, should I have to try so hard for someone to love me? I don’t want to lose him, but I cannot lose myself again either. I’m torn between “the right person will do what it takes to be with you” and “if they aren’t giving you what you need, walk away”… I know this is long, but if you made it this far, any and all advice would be extremely appreciated. Thank you!!
- Date posted
- 24w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
- Date posted
- 17w
Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.
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