I hate being a fearful avoidant in a committed relationship. It makes it seem like the relationship is the problem when it’s not. On top of having ROCD is a bitch. Every feeling is saying “I’d be happier alone, without a serious relationship, or taking things extremely slowly” but the reality is I want my partner. I literally fucking want him. We’ve been committed to each other since the beginning which was 5 years ago, and of course everyone has their moments of worry about commitment etc but this attachment style is really hard to deal with. I don’t act on the things that the fearful avoidant side tells me to act on bc that would be extremely tough and unhealthy and I know better. I hate that it feels like I agree or like these stupid feelings and thoughts . It’s just so hard that it tells me the relationship is holding me back etc when I know it’s actually not. I just want to learn to feel the beautiful freedom I desire while still being with my partner and not pushing our emotional or physical closeness away😞he’s my best friend and the love of my life and I always want him to be-even it the thoughts are scared to admit otherwise.

Thank you for reaching out @LSea2021. It’s super hard and I hate feeling convinced by this stuff. I’m really trying not to fight these thoughts/feelings bc that would be a compulsion but as a result it feels like I don’t want to be in a relationship more. It’s the worst thing ever. I’m just trying to stay strong and keep it up 😞I wish the best for you too

My scary thoughts were/are always somehow related to my ROCD or my attachment style. When they feel particularly challenging, I let myself calm down and then try to figure out what’s informing them. What keeps me grounded during hard moments is that I choose my partner bc he is an incredible person and partner. Kiyomi also said a great thing which is that we should make decisions based off of wisdom, not feelings. That has helped me immensely when im feeling big doubts or urges.

I’m also an ROCD-sufferer with an avoidant attachment style. You are not alone! Totally agree that it adds on to the struggle. It sounds like you have an extremely special bond with your partner. I’m sorry the ROCD is feeling so strong right now, but you can overcome it! I know I can too.

I’ve recommended it to like… everyone in the last two days. But the Awaken Into Love YouTube channel, podcast and website has been a huge help for me when it comes to ROCD. They’re so positive and educational!

Omg yes I love Kiyomi!! She’s awesome. I’ve been trying to join the ROCD course but I really need one on one chats with someone like her. Are you apart of any of her courses?

I’m taking the course right now!! It’s really helped me separate what ROCD thoughts look like, and even uncover some expectations I had about long term love and relationships that weren’t realistic. Highly recommend :)

Do you feel like some of your scary thoughts are actually you rather than ROCD thoughts since you’re learning how to separate them? I’m a little nervous to join since my thoughts are so intertwined and imbedded.

This was a super helpful conversation!! Thank you so much! I think I struggle with the wisdom vs feelings part because I know part of my brain says I shouldn’t continue to deal with this stuff and heal on my own in order to get better blah blah blah. And it’s hard bc I know that could be considered wisdom and it makes sense to a part of my brain. How do you handle those sorts of thoughts when leaving seems like good wisdom for you and your growth? Or is that something you even deal with? I’m sorry to ask so many questions. Just nice to have a convo about this stuff with someone who understands :)

I believe that the healing we can do alongside our partners is some of the most valuable healing and growing we can do. There’s so much media out there about having to be on your own in order to heal yourself so you can be in a relationship, but that’s just not the case. We can heal in a relationship just as well as we can on our own :)

Oh and PS yes those urges to leave and heal have definitely happened to me