I feel like I’m going crazy. Yesterday I knew I wanted my bf. Today I feel different . I don’t even know what I want anymore I feel like I can’t trust myself. I’m so disconnected. I’m so scared. I feel every emotion but I can’t cry. I’m so on edge. One minute I feel like our relationship is worth it next I feel like we are doomed and there’s no going back. I don’t even know what emotion I’m feeling. I feel crazy. Someone help. Is this even rocd. Or do I actually feel this way about him shi I’m scared to let go. I wanna disappear.

I can’t even trust myself. This isn’t fair to me bf should I let him go

Have you told him how you’re feeling and what’s going on?

Yes but not everything

@——- Well, why not everything? If you don’t mind my asking and saying. Your boyfriend should understand that you are struggling at the moment and do his best to help and comfort you. He might not fully understand, since it’s ocd, but I’m sure he’d try his best to. From what I hear I’m not supposed to reassure you, so I don’t know if I’m not doing that correctly? But maybe try that erp where you write down the worse possible scenario that could happen between the two of you (breaking up or even the opposite scene of marriage)? Maybe see how you feel from that?

@Dia Rancid Because I heard I shouldn’t tell him it’s a compulsion. I asked him to look at videos and read things about rocd to see a little bit of my world. He is very supportive but it got to the point where it doesn’t help since I feel nothing

@——- Where did you hear not to tell him it was a compulsion?

@——- It can turn into a compulsion, absolutely! ERP. You have to go against anything ROCD is telling you. I promise sharing your thoughts with the person you’re having them about will only cause harm. 😕 I would be devastated if my husband told me he was having doubts. I totally would understand my husband being hurt if I shared what I was suffering with. You can tell him you’re struggling! Just don’t share specific thoughts. I have been suffering with ROCD for 5 months. I’m in a much better spot than I was 5 months ago! It takes so much work but it is worth it!

@Jeanie12 It can totally be a compulsion, and it’s a common one for rOCD

@Dia Rancid On rocd pages like professional ppl who’ve been through it themselves

@Jeanie12 Thank you! So what did you do to help?

@——- I got a NOCD therapist first, and got on medication at the same time. My ROCD hit only a month before my wedding and I was absolutely not functioning. I couldn’t even look at my now husband without intense urges to tell him I didn’t love him anymore and I wanted to call off the wedding. The worst thing I’ve ever experienced. I hunkered down and hit my ocd with intense ERP. I stopped avoiding wedding talk and let myself be anxious and things DID start to get better! Do you have a therapist trained in ERP that you can confide in? Im not back to 100% and now I’m obsessing over the idea of having children which is a whole other battle because I’ve always wanted them but my brain is trying to convince me I don’t anymore. I have the tools to fight it though…I found a lot of sneaky compulsions I was doing also and had to knock those off. One specific one was researching OCD. I already knew what to do but I started following a TON of social media pages on ROCD because their post made me feel better.

@Jeanie12 Sounds like me. Ocd is so convincing that I don’t even know what I want anymore

@——- I know. It’s seriously hell. You know what you wanted before OCD was triggered. Love by your values. I knew I wanted kids with my now husband before this subtype was triggered so regardless of my “feelings” im still married him and im still trying to start a family with him. If no abuse is involved, it’s worth it to live by your values. I understand it’s easier said than done

@Jeanie12 :((( I hope my therapist is good

@——- If you don’t feel comfortable with them, you can always get someone else! Just know things may get worse before they get better! That’s common. Just make sure the specialist in OCD therapy (ERP) nothing else will help you. That’s the only treatment proven to work

@Jeanie12 Easier said then done. We have a whole child.

@——- No, no, no! I’m talking about getting a new therapist!! I wouldn’t ever suggest being with someone else especially if you’re suffering from ROCD!

@Jeanie12 Oh ok thank you😭❤️