Recoverer
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
MCTMCT
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I think you have to trust your therapist and just be honest with them. They’ll be able to assess you for true suicidality versus suicidal ocd. My NOCD therapist did a safety plan with me on our first session but has also helped me understand my intrusive thoughts. I think you have to have some amount of uncertainty but also trust your therapist and others to know what to look for.
Recoverer Recoverer
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s like this: I understand the pros of life, why suicide is wrong, that I have so much to live for, and that my original intrusive thought was “you should harm yourself to get people to care about you” to now it’s “grab a gun and just kill yourself” but both give me extreme anxiety. However, besides me acknowledging the positives in my life, my thoughts are also of hopelessness, telling me “this will never change” or “you’re not allowed to do things you like because you’re just avoiding your thoughts” and such. This is so much worse than my last OCD theme and scarier.
MCTMCT
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Well I think that for all of us with ocd, there’s always a possibility something we fear could happen. But people don’t usually decide to do things they don’t want to do. Even people who aren’t upset by suicidal thoughts and welcome them don’t always choose to do so. As a counselor, I’ve worked with a lot of genuinely suicidal individuals who still chose not to kill themselves. I think focusing more on utilizing skills than what the thoughts are saying is important for ocd recovery. It’s easy to get caught up in thought, but as we know, they’re just thoughts and have no meaning until we assign something to them.
Recoverer Recoverer
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I know right, and I’ve been through this battle before. It’s like if I conjure up an exposure related to suicide/harm, my mind tells me I’ve accepted it and it’s a plan and I’m done for. But I’m so hard-skulled that I refuse to actually give it consideration.
Recoverer Recoverer
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
.
MCTMCT
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Recoverer Well I think it’s good to just try to let the thoughts come and go. Suicidal ocd is my primary and most severe theme so I totally understand how upsetting the thoughts can be. I’ve cried many, many times and even vomited because of the thoughts, because they are so scary. But I’ve found that utilizing erp skills has actually been very helpful. I know it really sucks, but we have to realize we’re more than likely suffering from ocd.
Recoverer Recoverer
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@MCT Can you really separate intrusive thoughts like “I don’t want to be here anymore” as ocd from something else?
LydiaKLydiaK
- Date posted
- 3y
ocd = doubt
Recoverer Recoverer
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I can’t tell if there’s doubt in me or not though. Sometimes the anxiety doesn’t feel high enough over such a sensitive topic. There’s depression involved and negative thinking and I can’t get it to stop.
LydiaKLydiaK
- Date posted
- 3y
@Recoverer what you just said is a doubt. The fact that you don't know whether is a doubt or not is a doubt.
MCTMCT
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I can understand, I get thoughts like that too. I think if we get so caught up in them it can be very depressing and in turn can theoretically lead to depression. If you think you’re unsafe, like if you’re planning to hurt or lull yourself, it’s good for anyone to reach out to emergency services, like 911. But if they’re just intrusive thoughts, we all have to treat them as such and not give them content. Utilizing skills like sitting with uncertainty will help in the long-run, even though those thoughts are difficult to sit with.
MCTMCT
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
*kill
Recoverer Recoverer
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@MCT Is it weird I only obsess over guns though rather than any other means?
MCTMCT
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Recoverer I mean in my experience I only have a couple means that I get thoughts about, and others that I don’t and don’t trigger me. I think for me there’s some trauma behind it.
Recoverer Recoverer
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@MCT I hate this so much, I really do, it’s like it’s back and forth between ocd and depression or just both. And if it’s depression that means I could do something, even though I’m spiritually repulsed by it. I thought SOCD was bad until this happened a few days ago.
MCTMCT
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I think you can. I also think we have to be genuine with ourselves, even if we’re scared. A reason I believe I’m susceptible to anxiety and depression is because I avoid my emotions and try to control them too much. It’s hard to know my true feelings because I often don’t accept them. I have to work on being honest with myself and not trying to control my thoughts and feelings. Ask yourself if that’s how you truly feel, and if it isn’t and you don’t plan or intend to kill yourself, talk about it with your counselor and continue to check in with yourself. If you ask yourself if you truly feel that way and you really do, then reach out to emergency services, someone who can help you, etc. Let’s say you get that thought and realize you mean it/agree with it. That doesn’t mean you’ll just kill yourself that instant. It can open the door for you to get the help you need. At the least, you’re someone who may not want to live but seems very motivated to help yourself. Otherwise, you’re someone with suicidal ocd, like so many of us.
Recoverer Recoverer
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
My problem is, I had an intrusive thought as it relates to me feeling lonely and internalizing that notion for years. I had never obsessed over this theme ever until this week. I’ve had thoughts like this before during my life but they came and passed. But now, since it’s attached to feeling alone, that’s why I fear it’s not just ocd. Because deep down I know this thought originated from a notion that I’m lonely and no one cares about me, despite me being aware that that isn’t true logically. But because I’ve felt lonely, and then the intrusive thought comes, that means it is real, despite me being diagnosed with ocd already. And technically my last theme originated from loneliness too, although that theme wasn’t suicidal or harm. I’m just so confused on what to do. I can’t really ask myself how I feel because I know what’s wrong and right but in the same instance sometimes I feel like I want to be an elderly person close to the end of their life and die peacefully. So idk, all of this is very conflicting, I feel like the only way to help me is to somehow erase this thought from ever entering my mind because then I wouldn’t be in this mess. Or some kind of brain surgery to increase my serotonin levels. Even when I say that though, my mind tells me, “no you’d just rather not be here”
MCTMCT
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Well like I said, I think you need to be honest with yourself and your therapist and get more intensive help if you think you need it.
Recoverer Recoverer
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m afraid of getting strapped to a bed too though at a hospital 😭
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- Date posted
- 11w
OCD
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KTomsich
- Date posted
- 10w
Need advice
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