My real event past mistake is bothering me so much. Saying that it’s equivalent to what a monster would do when I was just a teenager who didn’t know she was making a mistake when it happened all because of a stupid fetish. God help me I can’t take this anymore. It hurts. I would do anything to go back and change it knowing what I now know. How could I have been so stupid back then?

I don't want to give you any reassurance because from my experience, it only helps temporarily. In my opinion the only way to get over these obsessions/worries over past events is to stop feeling the need to get answers. I know it feels irresponsible, and even scary, but OCD tends to blow things out of proportion, and sometimes all you can say is: maybe, maybe not. Also, don't take what I say as a fact, this is just what I've found to help. Don't lose hope :)