TW I wish I had someone to talk to. I don’t know if you struggle with the same stuff like we have the same OCD. And I obsessed about body parts. It’s not fun. I am scared because I’m sorry I’m only reaching out because I’m just so desperate. I just now is trying to go to sleep and then I put my chin up like I do when I don’t want to do what babies and guys typically do. If you know what I mean. In my heart felt funny like I did but I’ve never ate forte before I don’t want any part of a woman’s anatomy in me know I don’t want to do it guys and baby do you like I said. I’m scared of how I put my chin up. What straight person has a heart that makes for that I don’t want it I’ve never ate for it no I can’t stop doing that motion the babies doing putting my chin up like I do when I don’t want boobs in my mouth I hate myself! And I can’t stop why would my heart ache I’ve never wanted that before and I don’t know if it’s my heart aching right actually have a ache in the muscle by my heart you know what I mean? I don’t want that in my mouth why am I feeling these things in my chest! I act like but I don’t want roundness in my mouth and I make faces like I don’t but I like my guys chest it’s solid I don’t what did I just experience in my heart and chest I’ve never wanted to have a woman’s boob and my I acted like now it is it’s not appealing I don’t want that I don’t want to be bisexual and I keep saying can’t help it but I’m not The way my I said I keep saying my heart aches like I must be I’m not bisexual but the way it felt scared me I’ve never experienced that and now I can’t stop making faces and cringing like I don’t or like I’m forcing myself but I’ve always liked my guys chest I don’t want boobs in my mouth it’s nothing short of not appealing

I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments

I wouldn’t really say I have SO-OCD, but it manifests in some areas of my TOCD. Like if I see a woman for example my thoughts will go “what if I like her but as a man?” like my thoughts say I’m a straight man instead of a straight woman. And it’s really bothering me. If I see an attractive woman my brain will re-wire and imagine myself as a man looking at an attraction woman and it gets super uncomfortable that I have to like shake my head and say “no no no no no” multiple times to get the thought out. I know that counts as a compulsion but it’s hard to not do it because it’s so triggering. Now I don’t mind if I like women, however I’m really scared that I’m actually a straight man who likes women (or at least a bisexual man, considering I like men) and I hate it because I don’t want to be a man. Like I’ll think of my desired relationship as a woman dating a man but my OCD will switch it up to me being the man dating the woman, which is the opposite of what I want. I don’t want to be a man at all and I don’t want to date a woman, both of those are the opposite of my desires, but I’m still so scared. I’ll accept myself if I actually like women and am a bisexual woman, however I heard that being bisexual can mean being trans which scares me (for the record it was said in reddit by a sub which is mainly focused on a pseudoscientific phenomenon, that is still believed by the members to be true, so it’s definitely not a trustworthy statement, but my OCD will use anything to work against me) Does anyone here relate a little? 🥲