I want to challenge my thoughts by exposing myself to this one object in my household, but I’m so scared I’m going to harm or kill myself with it, even though it’s against my values to do either. I’m not afraid of any other objects or means of harm except for this certain object. How could I possibly do exposures with all of these negative thoughts running in my head and then if I expose myself to it, my mind would just say, “well you were just afraid to do it, so if you did it again, you would for sure do it” and this has caused me to have depression too, which makes things worse that they could be true smh

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

Hi! Does anyone experience guilt about doing exposures? Like if my OCD is right and now I’m going to get possessed or cause this terrible thing to happen it will be my fault. And also prove that my brain DOES have that power which is so scary. I just did an exposure and I feel so worried about my fears coming true and the people I love (& me) getting hurt because of it. How do you get past this? It feels like I shouldn’t do exposures because it’s selfish.