I want to challenge my thoughts by exposing myself to this one object in my household, but I’m so scared I’m going to harm or kill myself with it, even though it’s against my values to do either. I’m not afraid of any other objects or means of harm except for this certain object. How could I possibly do exposures with all of these negative thoughts running in my head and then if I expose myself to it, my mind would just say, “well you were just afraid to do it, so if you did it again, you would for sure do it” and this has caused me to have depression too, which makes things worse that they could be true smh

It’s hard though because I’ve had thought saying “you thought about this object, now that confirms you want to die” when these thoughts seem beyond me and also wrong. I unfortunately did compulsions the other day and googled what ocd vs actual ideation is and that’s what’s frightened me that I might do something.

@VaderFett Yup! In fact did you happen to see my comment below? I actually just went and sat in the room where the object is at and just meditated on the thought, sat with it, and just let the thoughts come in and try to let them out. I want to keep doing it now tbh and keep attacking the anxiety.

@VaderFett Thank you, tbh, you definitely gave me a push with your first comment earlier and I needed that. I am going to share this with my therapist and see where we can go from here. Thank you again.

As of right now I just want to keep just sitting with the thought and keep the anxiety coming down. I’m also starting DBT therapy separately tomorrow, because I’ve got self-esteem issues, which is where my OCD attacks me unfortunately. But I’ll keep your recommendation in mind, thank you.