I think I’m in denial as well
It is really hard, a blog would be awesome. I also like reading of other people’s experiences. I also struggle with the “do I actually like that” thought when there’s a lack of anxiety and what helps me but also makes it hard is that I try to maximize it like I’ll think like okay if I do then I have to date women and I have to marry one and have kids with one and then I’m like ehhhh I don’t want that and it helps but my ocd doubts that I actually don’t want that. And that’s when I get scared if I’m denial.
I do that too!! I think that means I’ll have to be with a woman blah blah blah and I’m like nooo I don’t want that..but also I get scared that it gets compulsive because I’m getting that few seconds of relief and then it happens again and again
OCD is just confusing!! Ahhhh! Sending love and strength and light to you!