WARNING So, I don't know if it is false memory or real event ocd, because my memory is really foggy. It's a kinda disgusting topic, but I'm at a really bad state, my stomach aches every day because of the thoughts. A few years ago, when I was 15-17, taboo or gross things interested me and found satisfying like pimple popping or pooping. Most of the time I was disgusted by the pooping topic, it was uncomfortable me to think about sexy guys or other people also poop, but I found interesting or funny, when animals did it. And there is two memory: 1. I was watching the dog pooping, and somehow found satisfying. 2. I saw a youtube video about a poor lizard, who couldn't poop, and I really wanted to see it poop. Here comes the intrusive thoughts: what if I found these things sexually arousing, just I don’t remember, because I didn't realize it, or I thought it natural? I'm sooo sick and ashamed and I know I never get certainty about this topic, but what if it really aroused me? I don't feel anything now if I see a dog pooping, just awkwardness (and anxiety if my ocd pops up), but nonetheless I feel I'm a disgusting person, and I feel if these 2 memories really happened the way I fear, I don't deserve my parents, my siblings, my friends and I don't deserve a normal romantic partner. I told this to my best friend and she said that dispite the curiousity, it seems to her that's false memory ocd, but She said that if it really happened, it's in the past and I'm not a disgusting person, just teenage hormones fucked up my mind and made wrong associations. I don't believe her, and still feel like a disgusting weird pervert. I don't know how can I overcome this, I'm literally physically sick of these thoughts...