- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hello friend! Reminder to take a deeeeeeeep breath. I have been where you are, and it’s freaking terrifying. You can make it through this moment.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m just afraid I’m toxic that I bring the worst out in us . I think what if I’m just dependeant on him to be happy , but I also overthink when he’s around but I feel so mcuh better when he’s around he makes me feel whole and happy then when he leaves to go home I feel so in my head because I’m just sitting in my bed thinking and in loops
- Date posted
- 3y
@lexi1347 You are not toxic. You do have OCD, which can make you overthink, overanalyze, overreact.. it’s the worst! What was helpful for me when I was in a low place was learning about ROCD from the Awaken Into Love YouTube channel. Your OCD thoughts and fears are so common (I had exactly the same ones). You can get through this.
- Date posted
- 3y
@LSea2021 I overthink when he’s away but then I calm down but then I overthink even more when he’s around I don’t wanna believe he’s my trigger I’m just freaking out what if he is and we have to break up
- Date posted
- 3y
@LSea2021 But then I think I’m my own trigger if I put in my head he’s my trigger then I’ll believe that . But at times he calms me down and reassured me and it makes me feel better I just hate to overthink when he’s around “do I love him really “ “do I not “ but I don’t want him to be a trigger I’ll be so hurt and worried and I don’t wanna have to break up with him because he’s “mg trigger “
- Date posted
- 3y
@LSea2021 How would I even know if he’s my “trigger “ but I don’t wanna think it believe he is .. that would kill my soul and heart
- Date posted
- 3y
@lexi1347 He may be your trigger, but that is only because your OCD is focused on him because you care about him. I’d bet that you don’t want to leave him, but you do want your anxiety to let up. Been there! We can’t run away from anxiety, we have to face it (which is what ERP is for).
- Date posted
- 3y
@LSea2021 He just can’t be my trigger because would that mean I would only be triggered when I’m with him and I overthink and analyze when he’s gone . I don’t want him to be the trigger I don’t wanna leave him I just feel like I’m gonna spite again because hearing that scares me to think he’s the trigger to all my overthinking hurts so much
- Date posted
- 3y
@LSea2021 It kills my soul to even think he’s the trigger or problem . I don’t wanna leave him . He told me we can get through this togeteht . He said if he was my trigger I’d only be triggered with him but I fele it with and without him . He just can’t be the problem my therapist said if he’s my trigger it’s best to let him go to be better and I can’t I can’t do that . I cannot let him go it’s been a year and I just can’t let him go . I love him and I care so much .
- Date posted
- 3y
@LSea2021 It’s just can’t be because of him they would hurt me so much because that means I’d have to leave and I’d only feel better without him but I don’t wanna lose him or what we have . It hurts to think about I’m crying about thinking about he’s my “trigger”
- Date posted
- 3y
@lexi1347 I’m so sorry you’re hurting. Let me speak from my own experience: I have the most wonderful fiancé, but when we bought a house earlier this year I developed severe ROCD. I was so scared all the time and desperate to understand why. I thought I didn’t feel the right way or that he was somehow not enough for me…even though I was happy and did not want to leave!! Seeing him and being with him WAS a trigger, bc he is what I care about and losing him is what I fear. Just because my OCD latched on to him didn’t make him bad, or our relationship bad. It simply meant my brain was afraid (for whatever reason) and it focused on him.
- Date posted
- 3y
@LSea2021 It sucks because I didn’t want to believe it was him who triggered me because it makes me feel like I have to leave . It makes me feel the only way I’ll be okay is because I’ll leave him and not have these thoughts . But I don’t want to . He promised me we could be better and we could work on it togeteht and not to give up . He said it would hurt him a lot if it’s was him because he thinks I’ll leave as well
- Date posted
- 3y
I don’t wanna be dependent on him emotionally and make it a bad relationship all I want is a good relationship I want a happy and healthy and he said we can work on it doenst give it he said please don’t leave him it will only make me sadder which it will because it has before we broke up before but he gave me time to work on myself and here I am in a loop hole
- Date posted
- 3y
Hold on. Being dependent on each other emotionally doesn’t make a relationship bad. Now when if it’s to the point where you can’t mentally or physically function without him around then yeah that’s bad. But a healthy relationship does include two people leaning into each other for support and that includes emotionally too. There’s nothing wrong with that
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 I can function without him I just feel sadder or notice I’m in my head more when I’m not without him
- Date posted
- 3y
@lexi1347 But that’s not bad I just is human. As long as you can function then yeah you’re fine of course when you’re with someone and you really love them you gonna be a little more sad or a little less vibrant when they’re not around but that doesn’t mean it’s an unhealthy relationship
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 ** it’s just human
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 I have break downs when he leaves soemtimes I tend to not overthink as much when he’s around but I also think the reason I have break downs when I’m alone is because I’m not doing something or distracted by him and I’m just in my head and just constantly overwhelmed by the rocd thoughts
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 What do u mean not functional without hem
- Date posted
- 3y
@lexi1347 Huh? I said as long as you can function then yeah you’re fine
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 I’m saying what do u mean when it means to not be functional without them
- Date posted
- 3y
@lexi1347 Oh uh. Well if you can’t function without them, as in practically bed bound, then the natural codependence of a healthy relationship has morphed into unhealthy dependence and you should probably talk to a shrink
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd
- Date posted
- 13w
Hello, this is my second post, not too long ago i made my first, talking about a sudden come-back of my intrusive thoughts. This post will talk about another of my issues, mainly regarding ocd (obviously) and relationships. As i had said before, i had been feeling terrible and felt like i didnt deserve love, especially the love of the guy that i love. I would like to add that in prior moments we have promised eachother and he has reassured me he will never leave me, but today he was pretty much gone all day (long distance) and for the most part ive just been overthinking, all night, actually.. thinking that at any moment he will just randomly block me on everything and never talk to me again. Its now 4:03 AM, and i just feel so scared. Im scared of losing him, this is predominantly because in a past relationship things ended suddenly, my ex switched up after we had promises and everything and i am absolutely horrified of things ending the same way for me and him. I’ve been anxious, trying to take my mind off of it, but if i do, my mind tells me that if i look away, when i look back, i’ll miss it and he’ll have already blocked me. and tries to tie in earlier conversations i had throughout the day and somehow ties them back to now. (Like my bestfriend telling me she had some dream where i apologized to my friends for ‘leaving’) For the past few hours ive just been out of it. Im scared of being obsessive, Im scared of losing him, and whenever i check to see, my heart skips a beat because i thinks he’s gone. The thing is, I know this isnt the case, and I know there must be an explanation, but for some reason im still worried. and I know these thoughts arent a reflection of reality, but ive also had the idea that my thoughts can also affect what actually happens. I would also like to add that he lives in the US and is mexican, and with the increasing violent situation, my mind even starts to wander off and ask itself what if something happened to him? It makes it worse. because i can’t control it. and that makes me afraid. Im also worried about being a horrible partner, about everything failing and its all just making me feel worse. Yesterday morning I woke up feeling sort of out of it, and throughout the day i felt as if i were emotionless, which made me wonder what if i had lost emotions for him? this also happens to me sometimes. I, for some reason begin thinking like “you lost your love for him nothings gonna happen ever.” and my mind starts making up reasons why, or simply gives me this feeling of emptiness for that love, as if i have been detached from it. and then i overthink again “what if i actually dont love him but im just obsessed and thats all it is an obsession and none of it is real?” that last part, im feeling it right now. along with everything else. Im exhausted, Im tired, and i just want to be happy with him. Thank you to all those who choose to read this. thank you. ❤️ Edit: I would also like to add that ive been also dealing with the occasional regular intrusive thoughts. which dont form fully in my brain but i can still sort of, “feel” the intrusive thoughts uncomfortable themes.
- Date posted
- 11w
I really need help. My brain is torturing me right now. Basically me and my boyfriend went through a really rough patch and he wasn’t communicating what was wrong and I started to just lose feelings and not feel how I used to which was the most upsetting thing because I swear we are soulmates. Anyway so we broke up for like a day before he realized he’s really sad without me and he is finally willing to work on communication and our issues and this is the most I’ve really ever felt he notices it this time. I am supposed to go see him and he is so excited and I’m freaking out. I want to see him but I keep thinking how it’s triggering for me cause I don’t want to go back to that rough patch cause it lasted a long time. I want to try again but I also feel like it’s easier to just run away from everything. It feels like I got to know his personality but that isn’t fair to say because now he’s aware and wants to change. I’m scared because I know feelings can come back and I hope mine can cause right now I just keep replaying the past and the bad stuff. He seems really willing to work on it this time which should make me so happy but I’m also so scared things will go back to how they were and I’m worried if I’m this anxious my body is telling me he isn’t right for me and that it’s not ocd which would really upset me because I’ve had such hope. I know my feelings started to go away but that’s cause of how we were to each other and now we are aware of the problem. Does it mean I shouldn’t be with him if the thought of trying again makes me so anxious or is that just the fear? I wish this wanting to work through things happened before I felt like this and now I’m scared I won’t get it back. I’m also scared that there is someone out there better for me and by being with him I’m blocking that. But the thought of being without him makes me so sad. I want to try to see him differently and maybe see it’s different but I’m scared it’s not. I’m afraid of a million things. What if it’s too late and I can’t get my feelings back? What if I’m forever anxious around him? What if being with him prevents me from meeting other people? I haven’t seen him in a while cause he was away and people say I won’t know how I feel till I see him. It feels like once I get there I already know though that I’ll have the same thoughts and won’t be able to get back to how I felt because it became uncomfortable but I’ve heard I’m anticipating it. I’m scared it’s gut and not ocd
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