Is my boyfriend the trigger to my rocd.. soemtimes I overthink more when he’s around but Sometimes I have spirals alone and over analyze alone . It hurts my entire souls and heart to think he’s the trigger because I don’t wanna have to break up with him to get better . I don’t wanna leave him I love him so much it makes my chest so heavy to think it’s him who triggers these intrusive thoughts . My mom and therapist said it could be myself my own head . I don’t wanna leave him. My therapist also said if I I realize it’s him maybe it’s best to leave but I cannot leave him . I cannot leave him I love and care and it’s been a year of my life why throw it away . Can’t I work through this cant I get better . There’s no way it’s because of him now I’m just having such anxiety and overthinking thoughts about do I need to leave him do I have to leave him . Is it him .

It hurts me and him a lot to think that because I feel like I have to leave him to be better and he’s afraid I’ll leave him to better myself and get over this shit it’s all new to us . But he and I told each other we can’t give up now and we don’t want to lose each other and we still wanna be together and have a future . But it hurts a lot to think it’s because of him .

@squishybat I just don’t wanna be triggered with him I don’t want to overthink with him I just wanna feel happy and okay . He said we can work on it , we both agreed to make things better to get through this . He is so so patient and understanding and he knows that my intrusive thoughts Aren’t how I actually feel but we tried to figure out a trigger and he said it’s not him so did my mom because I still am Overthinking without him around but soemtimes more when he’s around but soemtimes less when he’s around so I thought I was my own trigger in my head and to have to tell him he’s the trigger sucks because it’s gonna hurt him so mcuh and hurting him hurts me and it aches my heart and soul to think it’s him who triggers all of this

@squishybat I listen to it but I don’t really understand it a lot because I’m just in so much pain and I keep thinking the worst and it just hrutsb

@squishybat No I barley made a therapist appointment for tomorrow

@squishybat how do I tell him he’s “the trigger “ it’s gonna hurt him so much . I don’t wanna hurt him . He thinks I’m gonna leave him because he’s the trigger . I don’t wanna leave him but my anxiety is telling me what if it’s better off I’ll stop overthinking with him gone but I know I’ll be so mcuh sadder without him in my life . How do I really know if it’s him that’s my trigger . What if it’s my own self putting these thoughts in my brain

@squishybat But it’s just I don’t want him to be . I can’t think that he is because like that makes me want to leave him because I think it’s the only way I’ll feel better about the whole situation. But I have so mcuh love for him . But I can’t see him as trigger . I overthink when he’s not around too and my mom says to me how is he a trigger if you overthink when he’s not around and when he’s around

@squishybat Like if he is does that mean I have to leave him to get better . Does that mean like he’s bringing out the worst in me . Because how can I stay with that

@squishybat Is there anyways to figure out if he is the trigger or not

@squishybat okay . I’m trying . I just hate to think he is it hurts so much because I love him and it hurts to think he triggers me . A lot . And it would kill him to hear

@squishybat Idk just hurts to think he’s the trigger because my head tells me if he is then I have to leave and it’s scary it’s so scary because I love and care for him . I don’t wanna overthink everytime he’s around . It’s not fair to him at all or myself . I wanna be happy and warm and comfortable like I was before all of thsi started .

@squishybat But thanks for talking to me and understanding

@squishybat I just don’t want it to ruin my relationship and I don’t wanna believe my intrusive thoughts like I’ll be better off without him because I tend to overthink more about thsi shit when I’m with him and it’s awful and scary but I still want to be around him and work through this I don’t wanna give us uo

@squishybat I told him he may or may not be the trigger and it made him so upset which made me so upset because now he thinks everytime he’s around I’m just gonna be upset and overthinking and now I put in my head it’s him and my intrusive thoughts are telling me I might be better off without him which makes my heart hurt and feel so so heavy and I’m having a bad episode I shouldn’t have even put the time in the thought that he may be