- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes, breaking up is a compulsion! It works like that. Everyone has doubts, about loving, staying, caring (etc.) his/her partner. But they simply answer "yes or no", like if someone asks you if you want a glass of water. For us with rocd, when a doubt like that came in to our mind, we get super anxious and scared that the answer could be negative. So we MUST prove that the positive answer is the right one, we meticulously overanalize everything that happens or that we feel, giving more and more importance to the toughts (and feeling always less because of the rationalization). But here is the things: you can find proofs for every answer you want to give. So if you look for positive evidences; you will find them, but you will find also "negative evidences!" That will make you question the initial problem, but also the answer that you gave! And that creates a circle of anxiety and make you incapable of accepting uncertainty. YOU MUST FIND ANSWER NOW. (No one has thoose answers, but future so stressing about them is just useless.) So your brain start to see your partner as a potential danger; something that CAN hurt you. And that starts your unconscious defensive mechanism! It could be stop feeling everything (apathy), taking distance, feeling only anxiety, break up urges (thoose moments when you feel so overwhelmed by everything and you NEED to broke up immediately) and a lot of other things that will make you feel super guilty, as I used to say! The positive side: it is a thing that you can heal, you can stop all that circle by simply learning how to manage thoose doubts ! And from experience, I can tell you that it is not the easiest, there are a lot of ups and downs, but it never will be as hard as before starting to heal!! +you can learn to understand yourself better; your ambition, your love language, your attachment styles and heal your past trauma! It's been 4 months since I started my journey, and I can tell that I'm not completely healed, but I already made so much progress and for the majority of the time, all the doubts that used to scare me doesn't anymore! + I gained all my feelings back and now I'm super happy!!
- Date posted
- 3y
thankyou this is really helpful! one of the reasons i've broken up with him is cause of that lack of feeling, it felt like i just didn't like him anymore, i felt nothing. ik there is a chance that maybe i simply don't love him anymore but how did u get your feelings back? was it just time?
- Date posted
- 3y
@No0cd125 You have to learn how to manage your thoughts first! I'm not a professionist, maby If you have time and money you can follow some therapy! Or you can read some books! There are a lot of good videos and podcast out there! Some instagram channels are good too! Really there are a lot of possibilities, what helped me was a combo of this app (and it's youtube viedos) and therapy!!
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 17w
Recently my ocd keeps asking me if I love my boyfriend enough and that if I don’t love him enough I should breakup with him. It’s really bothering me and idk what to do about it. Sitting in the uncertainty is too much and I fear sitting with it too long I’m just gonna crack and give in to a compulsion.
- Date posted
- 14w
I know it’s long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months I’d say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause it’s been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasn’t communicating how I should have been when I was upset because I’ve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but It’s weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didn’t feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that I’m not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and it’s like that’s the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I don’t care like I used to because I think of how he doesn’t deserve this when he does this or he shouldn’t have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? That’s horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I can’t do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And that’s not how it used to feeel which scares me because I don’t want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause it’s the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. I’m scared. Is it possible I’m just I’ve been mad and resenting how it’s been cause he’s been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I don’t want to stay in something where I don’t feel toward him the way I want to but I really don’t want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesn’t deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question him😭 trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldn’t think like this or feel like this.
- Date posted
- 13w
My brain keeps comparing how I felt then with the same thoughts to now and how it is diff now to prove it had changed. I’m feeling like I know it isn’t right and that maybe I’d pair better and I want to be with someone who is good for me but I also don’t want to break up and can’t tell if that’s the ocd using his faults against me. I feel like if I were to tell someone I have no feelings at all for him anymore I’d know I’d be lying and doesn’t feel right but when I say the opposite it doesn’t feel right either. I’m also worried that this time it is real and it’s the guilt of not telling him that’s making the ocd worse not that it’s just ROCD. My thoughts are also saying so many diff things I’m confused. It feels like I can’t connect to him anymore or like I don’t have empathy which scares me cause I know I did before and I felt it but is it just that I’m frustrated w some of the issues? But it’s upsetting it feels like I don’t have the endearing feelings and love I felt and I want it to come back but then I also think I don’t cause then it will prevent be from seeing what else is out there And the thing is looking back on how it was I feel like I could def see how that was ocd but this is different… and like I at least felt I knew I loved him or wanted to be with him and i had thoughts of wanting to be with someone who this or someone who this but I didn’t actually want it and now it feels like this time I rly do mean it like I want to find better qualities but I still don’t wanna move on from him and my brain is like wel that’s how everyone feels when they breakup regardless…it rly doesn’t feel like ocd anymore 😭 and my thoughts keep saying if you don’t you don’t like this or that and it most likely won’t change cause you have been with him so long why are you with him and then I feel guilty like I need to tell him
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